something about the oldies that just gets you feeling sentimental, even though you've never actually lived through the era, there's an alluring quality to it. almost like a forgotten archive of treasures awaiting your discovery, however belated, however anachronistic. and it's precisely because i don't know it well enough and i never know what i may find (or better still, like) that truly excites me.

really glad i borrowed the total recall cd. it's got me hooked onto 80's music. always so happy, dancy, catchy and groovy. all this while i've been a today's hits snob, rather dismissive of the golden songs of yore and extremely selective even when it comes to experimental listening. i guess i tend to stick to the familiar and avoid the great unknown. actually, what do i fear? is it because there's just so much more talent and things i can appreciate out there that im worried i might be overwhelmed or intimidated by them? perhaps, or maybe i don't believe in having to put in any effort when listening to music and trying to enjoy myself. because they are the oldies and i seldom hear them, why should i go looking for some music when i know that other kinds of music will come knocking at my door- over the radio (mostly), the internet, the good music stores and what not?

but yes, this unexpected venture into the decades before my time has left me very humbled. while i might scoff at the primitive sounding tracks, the lack of cool sound effects, enhancements and other audio thingamajigs, i admire the way they have proven themselves to be timeless. i love that the internet has made it so convenient for the young to connect with the old in this way. i always enjoy asking my father about music from his time that we hear over the radio. in some sense, when i see his face brighten up when he talks about the classics, shares more than he was asked, i feel like i begin to understand him better. it's just a feeling, but it's always a start.

the song we built this city (on rock and roll) by starship has such a monumental quality to it. it's like looking back on an unspoken former glory, a sentimental commentary on the civilization now through the lenses of what it was then. in this tune i sense a communal achievement that involved not only the people, but also their pride, their dreams, their sacrifices and the continuous relationship between them and the society they have created. do we still recognize what we have forged, what with the chains, games and corporation names?

of course this little research of mine led on to many other things of the days gone by. i don't think i will ever truly understand it. you must live to know it. what i have now are pieces of the past, all parts of the puzzle, lacking the big picture, itemized and duplicated to fuel desire and feed the common consumption. in a way what i hold in my hands will then be a mirror of what i am in this world, a small piece trying to fit in, and better still, trying to figure out what kind of picture im gonna end up piecing together. and do we even belong anywhere in this picture? are there other pictures out there?

since im veering dangerously on the philosophical i thought i should take down this quote. was reading about death in a local paper the other day and this was surprisingly satisfying to digest, albeit the recurring uncertainty and morbidity of it all- but heck, some people just have their way with words that i may never hope to have.

"If she is not now, then she never has been. I mistook a cloud of atoms for a person. There are not and never were any people. Death only reveals the vacuity that was always there. What we call the living are simply those who have not yet been unmasked."

- C.S. Lewis, from Joy, in A Grief Observed (1961)

ah, another abstract from the land of yesterdays. it's almost like you are ready to make love to the world for being the way it is, despite all its flaws and laws.

today i will declare that i love giraffes. just saw a documentary on them just now and there's something about their quiet, knowing demeanour that makes them probably one of the most graceful creatures to, well, grace this planet. i especially liked it when lynn sherr said: "i am proud to share this planet with giraffes." aha, this is when the animalover in me emerges. perhaps i see in them what i don't always have: patience, beauty, and possibly height, haha. nah, gotta love the sentinels of the savanna.

speaking of giraffes, rather coincidentally, we were talking about it outside partyworld today- which was a blast. thanks much to the fun bunch- snee, joy and shumin, with christine and her cameo appearance. i can't wait for us to sing again.

6:51 AM