Mot, Myself and Me Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato. Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar
Talk
from exit to exit CREATEUR ALLEY Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing Yesterdays January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009
Sunday, January 29, 2006
kiss my ass i figure since i hit 88 posts with my previous entry i shld stop for good luck! after all, its chinese new year!!! chee gah long tong chiang tong chiang da jia qu bai nian. today i had my experience with bad hanyu pinyin on some cny karaoke video its really funny how shi became se. oh and tong chiang- reminds me of shumin's zombie cheena impersonation- "oh tong...peeeano!" haha im gonna teach my dad conversational chinese- that he says wld earn me $50 per month. anw happy new year everyone! im chinese, proud to be chinese, just like how i feel proud when mrs perry talks abt woman warrior. maxine needs to sort out her priorities. its been pretty much routine up to this point. nothing doing. was about to continue on nuclear arms race, but then decided against it. yep, im not gonna care abt work until chu san, so im letting go and gonna indulge. i dunno why im updating. all i know is ive just watched memoirs of a geisha, and as much as my sis didnt appreciate the bad dialogue, and my cousin kept making fun of their weird accented english and the soppy refrain of john williams's score, it was gooood. i really didnt know what to expect other than ziyi zhang and michelle yeoh and gong li- gong li btw, not only hot, but acting she's tops- i lovee! even more chiyo than chiyo. that's the pun going around haha but pls lah a little too young the story itself is rather paedophilic also what with ken watanabe meeting her when she was 9!!! ewwwwwww. i wonder if it can help me understand woman warrior. female oppression blah blah blah. sad story, nice cinematography- japan i like i wanna visit asap, good good acting, funny parts too. i enjoyed it thoroughly and i dont care what the critics sayy. after all i havent read the book yet. my cousin drove us there and it was damn funny cuz he was cursing all the way and being paranoid and all. haha we all had a good laugh. asian actresses rule sometimes. i happened to watch so close again for the 4th time i think. karen mok i love more- talented womann. "kiss my ass!" oh im forming a 'band' with some other cousins. pretty corny concept and crazy first single we have.but that's another story for another day. play first lah.
10:15 AM
Saturday, January 28, 2006
backstreet everytime i cut my hair i will get reactions. people cannot resist commenting about me. they just love talking about me. they speak well of me because they know they cannot be as good as i am. they speak ill of me because they are jealous, and similary, know they cannot be as good as i am. all these selfish people, they are the centre of their own worlds. they live for themselves. but without me, they would cry a million tears. this is my life. this is my story. i make my own choices, choices which only i am smart enough to comprehend. the people i am referring to, you can call them fools. fools fool not only others, but they themselves. it is fools who fall in love, knowing it wont last. they try everything they can to catch up with me. they pretend they have it better off. but we know fools lose. and i, well, i win. turn the music up and fall in love with me. today i finished reading woman warrior, at long last. its time for me to move on to bigger things. i was always meant for bigger things. "you must not tell anyone" says a voice within me. but im a rebel at heart. im gonna tell. this is a brutally honest entry. read on at your own risk. its not like im in a bad mood now. im perfectly fine actually. but i guess i cant keep compromising myself. as much as i dont want to hurt anyone, this is my space. you guys just sit and listen will you. love is the best thing we do. ok then, no names for the victims. i just deleted one paragraph. nvm i decided i wldnt be able to live with myself if i spilled everything out. a few of you shld be thanking your lucky stars that i stopped short of kicking your sorry asses. so on a lighter note- the week was a blur, what's new. there was backstreet boys, which was amazing! they were in top form and despite not being 1m away from the stage, we were still starstruck thats for sure. i guess its not hard to get into boyband songs. dance moves and all, so cheesy, so sappy, but so forgivable because they are bsb after all and everything they do is just right. even if carter was a tad too drama on stage- he was feeling it you know- like music hit me! [do the hit me move] oh yeah. and who says bsb cant sing. they all can sing i bet they can sing better than you they sing so much better than me too- esp AJ. they rockk. its like, theyve been doing it forever. 13 years. wow. if you're whining, stop it. if you were whining, pls be sorry you did it. it was in such bad taste, really. you go live with yourself. i had fun! no regrets :] i guess i can gloss over the last mt df auditions. didnt do much anyway. thankful for pple like gavin and shumin. and nash and jonk and junyi and dani etc. for just filling the director's shoes so easily. i wonder how much im actually gonna commit after reading cc's long email. seriously. im in one of those moods again. im so gonna regret i ever said this. but sometimes, im just way too selfish- i need to put myself first you know. yeah. i guess. hmmmm. wed there was let's see RAP! see i wasnt paying attention shame on me but yeah q&a was very controversial and interesting i guess. mac was happy. erm oh yeah rp gm. now everyone thinks i like to play with/by myself. im okay with that. i cld live with that i guess. you people should learn to relax and chill you know what i mean. like humans party on thurs- no disco! hello! it was rather uncanny though, how 1a went to the tennis courts. reminiscent of our tennis court "wewantbreakfast" oath. i miss those days. we were young and wild and free. can u imagine im now an angel and i really dont know if i can set a good enough example. i mean im not even going to my junior og's zcove often enough. its almost as if im neglecting them. so yeah gotta start writing notes and giving gifts. im gonna be the nicest senior i tell you. right- the food was good though, and the place was nice- symphony heights. thanks jean! some of us frm mtdf stayed back awhile by the pool, late at night, just sorting things out. atmosphere- i shall say in xtine style- i love. really thankful that the next day was cny celebrations. i thought i wld spend time roaming abt school. really wanted to hear the bands and watch angie from class dance cheena dance with the rest of our class. but ended up doing chinese calligraphy for 2 hours plus. the teachers who came up to me kept asking stuff like "ni zai hua hua ah?" and i was like "yah hua hua loh" and i guess they just couldnt stand the fact that despite not holding the brush correctly and not writing in one complete stroke at a time, i was producing a work of art. oh fie on them jealous souls. haha ok but seriously all my respect goes out to those pple who can do amazing calligraphy by just you know a whisk of the hand and blah blah. tph was one of the judges but i didnt have the guts to say hi to him although it might be the last time i see him? ok nvm theres still teachers' day. saw csc the other day in canteen too. hear ri wasnt celebrating cny at all cuz there's no hall. how sad is that lah. nvm my calligraphy- i love. not judged- but i love. there was house comm meeting abt the merger thingy. oops im blogging abt it but nvm. noone is for it lah. in one word- unnecessary. cast in stone or not- unnecessary. what a sticky way to end the chinese year. i didnt feel comfortable at all. even though i had lots to say. just so negative. everything. joined alan and jonk later with junyi only to see zhengyi rushing off in a huff. wldnt speak to us, wldnt stop to talk abt it. got pissed off thanks to A&J. see! so much negativity all around. if only we were happier. pizza delicious- i love. saw yalps- scandalous. but pple shld just give them a break cuz everyone else is just jealous. you go with my support you got it man. happy chinese new year. im gonna be so happy. need to finish a bloody pile of work though. nvm i will survive. i hope to buy v for vendetta. watch memoirs and zodiac. eat lots of goodies and get fat. have fun. get lots of angbao money. yes im outrightly materialistic this year. im a bad boy come and get me. but you cant can you. neh neh neee poooo pooo. its irritating when so many pple are taking SATS and youre not. watch it you freaks. oh yeah jerry's bday cake was nice cuz cheese- i love. really glad we gave rachel chen her present of red things. moor tarbet reigns supreme. i wanna thank charles for helping me return blazer. council has lousy system! in xtine style again- irreeeeeetating! thanks to joy and shumin for singing nonsense with me in lt6. funn. thanks to anyone who made the week fun in its own way. pe was killer, but fun! mac's lit s was fun too, but i dont appreciate homework i really dont. i need someone who will let go with me. dance with me?? hmmm. anw dont think im half as attracted to as i used to be. oh my main tv now is grey's anatomy and a-idol and charmed- only! piper freezing time = i love, cuz i need to stop time sometimes. all the time. whatever. and when im gone just carry on dont mourn rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice.
6:24 AM
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
grarghh hmmm. i wonder if some things will ever change. it's like, im caught in this rut, swimming my way out, but to no avail. with age, it gets deeper, because it means ure mature enough to think and control your temper and all and the pple you hurt know that too so they probably regard you with some form of disappointment because yeah they probably think this kid's not gonna get any better- well, will things ever change? ive been wondering although one might feel sincere and patch up after saying sorry and all, the relapse that comes once in a while, what does that signify? obviously the root of the problem has not been solved right. but then if ure the one who feels the relapse, then doesnt that mean the problem is with you. this is very difficult to sort out, and tiring as well. lousy is the feeling. sucks shit. i wanna eat up all my words. all the horrible things ive done and said i wanna take it backk. but there's so much of that that i'll probably take forever- and i jolly well know i cant. when a person forgives, he does not forget. you cannot forget. how can you? i have knocked those nails in hard. but now, as they lie bent and dead and cold on the ground, i cant help but notice the holes from which they fell from. say i make new fences, the old ones will go to some dump, but never disappear. the scars i have put on others, i inflict on myself tenfold. guilt. regret. all of it lah. i cannot look at myself in the mirror and feel truly proud ever again. what kind of nonsense have i become? a monarch in some ways, a monster in others. sorry really seems to be the hardest word. is it even worth the trouble?
8:36 AM
Sunday, January 22, 2006
killer queen garrrgh. it seems like school will be busy busy busy from now on. just so many things to commit to. the week started off with house comm meeting with our new house mistress, msrachelchen. really nice woman, can tell she's more approachable. nash's and alan's gp's teacher also, which is, i dunno, kinda weird. anw her bday's soon, and so is jerry's, we're probably gonna do smthing :] zhifeng and i got down to our loser position paper becuz our christian crusade stance was dommed right frm the start. but anw my dear friend did the bulk of the sorting out and work so stressed as i was, i cldnt have been more thankful. rp auditions were rather interesting to sit in and help out with. i didnt get to see many of the outstanding ones, since my presence was fleeting. shumin's impersonations are most hilarious to watch, esp the stiff mdm mao with a cheena accent. hahaha. liyana didnt seem too happy this week though- wonder whats up with her. moor tarbet df auditions kicked in this week too! in fact so did bb's- of which yingsze and co and being so secretive abt. there was this instance a few of us reds, namely cc, shum, snee, xtine and i were sitting round a canteen table discussing df stuff, when we turned around only to see bb having a meeting of their own! and one night after our auditions, bb was in the canteen till late! oh well, house rivalry is really fun, as long as it doesnt get too obsessive. right now, i think im ok with it- at least there are pple who will you know be passionate abt and really fight for drama feste. going by how auditions went, im rather optimistic abt the dynamics of the mt df team thus far. may we win! interhouse debates- was elated over the moon when junyi told me our first two rounds ended up in victories over MR and BB. i mean like how crazy is that. but apparently we're still not first. the finals on friday ended in MT finishing 2nd- but good job i say! doing really well so this makes me really happy to watch the house flaunt its prowess. what can i say MT rocks big time. not to mention ajit hasnt even entered some scores yet. oh come on give us a 1st place! we're gonna get there anyway :] left the debates early on friday. in fact friday was a rather moody day for me. i dont know why. just felt that way. in fact the whole week i had things to do every now and then. and now there's like kwok's essay due in a few days which is ridiculous. econs tys im still halfway thru. rolly's pp. history s readings. kwok's pp. arghhh. yeah so anw jean and i headed down to gerry's house for the meta;fyr bbq which was rather fun i guess. it was rather relaxed, and i did some actually cooking- altho most of my wings were burnt, but nonetheless delicious food. i really liked how everyone could sit in a circle later and not feel weird or anything but rather at home you know. and those peeps stayed over! good for them! bond on meta;fyr! soon, we wont be there everyday :{ saturday was feedback conference at pan pacific. daryl licia denise and myself were there as participants. saw other rp3 pple as ushers! i rmbr doing that last year haha. anw none of us spoke anw. but it was an experience for sure, what with meeting weird pple too. ok i shant say too much lest someone spies this space. i spent some time roaming abt with licia- walking into Prints and New Urban Male, which licia pointed out is quite gay. in MPH i saw V for Vendetta- which means im gonna get it! soon, with my vouchers! anw seeing all those books made me feel like a lousy lit S student. i dunno esp when jingheng occasionally reminds me of my Lit S duties on msn and when mr mac keeps urging us to choose our texts soon! sigh. trotting to HMV, i saw Fefe Dobson for the first time in singapore, and to top that, it was going at a clearout price of $7.95. i bought it- much thanks to licia for the loan! met xtine at esplanade library after that for our position paper. it was my first time there, and the faceless pianist was just so funny to listen to. xtine was piqued that she kept doing hallelujah by rufus wainwright horribly. well, she had a good voice, but it sorta went off at some places, making her sound like a crying ghost. anw we found this spot against the window. it offered an amazing view, esp after the blinds were automatically drawn up. merlion across the river, rain streaming down, the other durian in sight. we did our outline quickly and decided to embark on a secret project. called cc and met him and his og at the indoor illegal skating area. they were having a picnic there -_- well what can i say. og love. met yingsze and shib and abel for dinner later at thai express. i decided to wear my tshirt inside out. the label sticking out back was most embarassing haha. but ohwell. the concert was great! i guess i couldve had more fun if i knew all the songs, but then again- Queen was 1970s and 80s? yeah, good music, entertaining performers and a good way to spend the night i guess. maybe if my dad wasnt there i wldnt have held back that much. but i appreciated that he knew much more abt Queen than any of us did. i guess he enjoyed himself tremendously, although he was sitting down most of the time :] been listening to fefe dobson and Queen. jason mraz is coming to town! so are backstreet boys! and i might go for franz ferdinand after all! but then homework and school stuff has to come and spoil it all. darn. this is why im so looking forward to chinese new year. wish me luck for another crazy week.
9:16 AM
red head Red Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.
4:02 AM
Friday, January 13, 2006
come on baby we aint gonna live 4ever poof! it has been one crazy week, somewhat lacking in variety, but heavy in substance. but here's the catch- its only the second week! as i type this im freaking tired and if it were not for my hygenic angel within me i wldve fallen asleep in my uniform and woken up tmr with a sour taste in my mouth. that happens when u dont brush ur teeth before you sleep, btw. it is impossible to blog abt everything, you know. you just keep missing out stuff. or sometimes you dont feel youve expressed yourself properly. im still bummed up abt not honouring 2005 enough. but i guess i must look forward. hmmm. the end of 2005 was pretty good, and i say that partly because i grew closer to my cousins :] not that we werent close to start with, but i guess we have began connecting as teenagers with certain common interests and just the will to stay together makes it all the more special. i cant wait to dance with them again, sing silly songs and just bum around. if you must know, these are not all of my cousins, but rather those of my age group. the youngest being sec1 this year and the oldest being j2. just the six of us. i rmbr we used to play cards and hopskotch and silly stuff at my grandparents' house. we might have outgrown those, although cards will return during cny, but on a spiritual level i really think we have improved. when i was younger i used to think that looking at our parents who dont really meet up with their cousins, we probably wont keep in touch as well. but you know what. we the new generation rock! yes sometimes i wish i had different cousins, more cousins, cousins as siblings, whatever. but all i know now is i cant wait to grow up with my cousins :] speaking of CNY, are we not excited!?! im just glad there's gonna be a holiday again! and CNY is particularly exciting, not because of the money, but just the festive mood and everything from my family's rather adhoc tradition and all that jazz. absolutely cant wait. last year was plain boring, but i can tell its gonna be fun again this year. after so long...wheee! stuff like this makes me proud to be of chinese heritage. yes, i may be part portugese and part malay and part latino, but then again, you know im kidding. ha! i think spore really gives the chinese too much emphasis. like two days off. and chinese everywhere. sometimes i feel i wldnt think its fair if i were malay or indian or any other race. i dont know. anw haji was spent at home trying to do rap. rapped the whole day, turned out our project focus had to change. so i ended up rapping the whole night of wed away too, way into thurs morning. sighh. oh yeah george soros talk! it was rather enlightening in some ways. and you can never lose out going for something like this. my only regret is i wasnt at cca feste. i think im gonna have to commit better to my ccas if i want my remaining time left to be fruitful. yepp. anw the speakers on stage were rather knowledgeable, you cld tell. kishore was his brilliantly composed, thinking self, and tommy was funny, as usual. suzaina almost got cornered by us cuz we needed her to rap with us! ahhhhh. and then there were two students and what not. truth to be told i fell asleep when george was speaking. too tired! but on the whole, id like to think i didnt waste that afternoon. good fun anyhow. at least i know abt open societies and what not. after that ramu yeeler hanyi and myself headed back to BK to rap on. together with 'terence' the fish, haha, we kept laughing and joking abt it became so tiring to go on laughing, really. got it all sorted out finally, and now im just glad we're done with draft 1. congrats to us!!! and thank goodness it was a really cooperative working atmosphere to be in. stressful, but i felt the group suffered and held each other up together. thanks peeps. people around me have been plagued with strange conditions/problems/changes. terence mentioned when we went over to his house on sunday, after my cable skiing, that he suspected a fracture of his sternum. frankly for someone like me who has had breathing problems cropping up occasionally, my lungs went soft when i heard that. well terence's fine now, muscle problem after all, but really scary to start with. the feeling of not being able to breathe properly, or normally, just so not cool. shirin has been making headlines with her disappearing act. unlike xtine, im in Camp Neutral. i think that as long as she knows what she's doing, she shld go ahead! and through talking to her i know she's not anorexic or anything, so goody! but yeah lah looking at her it has been one dramatic change. subtle, yet dramatic. i dont know how to put it. it crept up, but crept up suddenly, you know? me, on the other hand, i need to get fat and muscular. haha ok maybe not that, but just getting into the fitter and more than acceptable range of weight and bmi and all- im already 50kg, in case ure wondering! congrats to me! and boo to js and alan who are probably still floating in the 40s range. lightasses! and last but not least are the people going through emotional changes. sometimes i think these are the most dangerous changes. anything welled up inside can be extremely harmful to keep within. and i dont know. i guess all of us deserve to be heard, because as much as we think the need of keeping things private because nobody else needs to/wants to know, we actually do want concern from people, even if these pple are random. i was telling some pple that i dont really know who to turn to when im down. i know how she feels because ive been there before. i had problems with my temper and a lot of things irritated me and i really wanted conflict to be solved with everyone knowing how much of a victim i was, because i certainly felt so. im not saying that's the case now, but im just saying i probably know how much can swell up inside a person. you know, i think as long as we make a point to be happy and carefree, our problems will down by half. so i hope everyone stays happy, not only for youself, but for the people around you who care for you and want to see you happy. yes, they do. sadness is rather contagious. cheer up guyssss. we were meant to live for so much moreee! today i earned myself a white slip by not submitting any math hmwk by the stroke of 5. i guess i cld live with that, but i want to get math over and done with, and prove that given time, i can do it, on my own. yes, i need to get disciplined. lit S and hist S have been nothing in specific but seem extremely promising. if i wanna get into the groove and thoroughly enjoy myself, i needa start reading again, diligently, passionately, and widely. i really wanna be widely read. it can really change a person, whatever u do or watch or absorb. as rolly always says- you are what you read. trueness! so that's a goal to work towards :] oh yeah yesterday i watched I Not Stupid Too with parents. im not a film snob, so im gonna say sing films are always underrated cuz i thought it was fabulous in its own ways. had funny parts, "lame" parts, literally (go watch it for yourself), but also really touching and real aspects were reflected rather tactfully. i thought the acting was greattt and the moral behind it, though seemingly cheesy and cliche, really is meaningful if u think abt it. when was the last time you praised someone? been a while hasnt it? and FAMILY. what does it really stand for? father and mother i love you. like awwwwwww man. i like how u feel so at home and proud to be singaporean when u watch stuff like this. its simply something irreplaceable esp when u relate to it so well. why cant some pple see that, that the movies they go for may be popular and wildy acclaimed but do they really understand and connect with it spiritually? i dont think so. so moral of the story- dont be a film snob. try out everything! even mindless comedies. smtimes pple just needa chill and have fun. i dont know why im so defensive, i guess you wld only understand me when uve watched it. been having random hangouts with pple. first it was yingsze and jo during the setting up of rp's board. i just decided to stay wtih them cuz i was too lazy to take the bus home. stayed back and had fun really. in a very subdued way. the radio went on to play two ashlee simpson songs back to back- which threw me into hysteria. tonight i had most fun! i was on my lonely way to j8 for my sis's present, when i saw a grp of 1Bers! ended up joining joel, eve and huiting for dinner at foodcourt...and you know what im glad i made that last minute decision cuz it was really great talking to pple u dont necessarily talk much to on a normal school day, despite them being nextdoor. we were able to chit chat and talk and laugh like good friends, and i reallly enjoyed the company and the collective leisurely atmosphere. i guess being a friday night, we had no inhibitions. ended up being chased out of the food court. oh yeah we met denise and tingyong too! well with that said, thanks to these guys. i rmbr the harry potter movie with 1B, really had a blast! great company these people. i must thank them for treating me like one of their own. but really, shame on humans for not acting like one big family, but instead, three units which are rather separate. some pple cant even name everyone in all classes. thats seriously quite sad for a j2, but i guess its noone's fault, but everybody's fault! we shld do more Humz outing instead of just class stuff. yepyep. you never know how much more of a friend you might make in an acquaintance. thanks again guys for a night of unwinding. when i awake, itll be back to mother math and stuff like that. ggxx.
8:56 AM
Sunday, January 08, 2006
ggxx i dont think i did 2005 good in that previous entry. answering those questions helped me recall loads of stuff, but i still never got to have my 2nd annual e-awards cuz my com decided to bomb over the new year, and quite obviously i havent touched on the us trip in detail. but i really dont know what to say. im listening to keane's somewhere only we know now, the same song i heard on grey's anatomy the other night, and im filled with this sudden surge, to sweep everything aside and just move on. move on from a very hectic but extremely fulfilling year. at the start of the year my theme song was unwritten by natasha bedingfield. the jc book is half written now, and sometimes im so excited to discover more about the world all around me. i look around me and realize there are so many people i think i know but really, i dont. they dont know me either but i wonder if they want to know me like i wanna know them. i think people should be dependent on each other. i dont think many pple are dependent on me, whereas im dependent on a hell lot of pple, in bits and pieces. maybe that's why most of the time i feel slightly incomplete. hmmm. like i said the last holiday was one of the most fulfilling ever. first there was threesome, then mindef, then the us trip and of course orientation. the only thing constant abt all these things was that i got to try something different and got to know lots of new people. im greatly thankful for that. i just feel so warm with many people around me i know. threesome saw me meeting certain new pple, and reinforcing the bonds i had with others. mindef helped me open up to pple from other schools, and that was really fun. the us trip gave me so much so much. im gonna disappoint by not sharing details- but in a nutshell, i love boston, new york and washington dc. boston and harvard made me feel so warm despite the cold weather and that crazy blizzard. hmun was disappointing, but nevertheless an experience to remember. i learnt to shop more. washington was educational like anything and really an eye opener to see stuff like ground zero. new york was simply astounding esp times square and my favourite statue of liberty. reminded me of my childhood visit to that very same spot. ahhh i dunno. i soaked up every moment of it that's for sure. it feels wrong to write so little about an experience so big. but its been too long since then, i cant compromise. i miss the cold air. i miss the company and holiday mood there. the american breakfast and checking into hotels. the long bus rides with the singing and laughing and silly games. i miss kris world on board sia of course. i miss the big room the four of us had in boston. i miss escaping to filene's basement at night, as well as to GAP after eating at the barbecue place. i miss putting on the big winter coat and playing with the snow and photowhoring with everyone. i wont forget the amazing museums we went to, the white house, the capitol building, the pentagon visit, the big pizzas we had, the funny chinese food, the scary emily rose talk and putting on moisturizer and getting excited over our first broadway experience! i miss shopping around for souvenirs and being in complete spending power. the cold air- where did all that go? away with time, i guess. and after that it was jetlag and back to reality. no more using 6-19dec as an excuse. orientation became the main focus. well what do you know its over. i guess all i have to say is it was a great honour knowing the oteamers and working with so many fun and dedicated pple. i had loads to learn from them. dry runs were fun for sure, but nothing compared to the real thing i must say. i never got to learn the dance properly of course. first day was real worrying cuz everyone seemed stoned. bert&shihui told me metano'ia was like that too. man, really? well i guess im glad things got better, as they always do. meta;fyr was indeed one guai og to lead, nobody was out of hand, and jean and i really tried my best. at least they bonded more or less and surprised us in lots of ways, like most of them going out for dinner and coming up with a very cute og item and cool costumes. and gawd that super nice flag everyone was in awe of. you know what guys, you have so much to be proud of cuz u all did this urself! and learning the dance! everyone had so much fun in the end. hmmm:] it was a bloody tiring week, but what kept me going was the fun it entailed. house time was entertaining, with pple like junyi and jerry haha. don't cha baby! ok at this point i realize im incoherent so i will stop. but really, meta;fyr is a group of really good hearted pple, i cant wait to know them better. hopefully everyone will grow closer, and not apart. we gave em cactus as souvenirs, reflections was made so much more meaningful thanks to jean and the secret message thingy. onite was disappointing, but had its highlights. storyline was a success in many ways. fabulous director and fun music and great costumes and cranky pple acting! made it such a joy to watch! i enjoyed dancing the most, come to think of it, and the singing too. i just like doing such stuff, even if it means i look/sound lost. hmmm :] metano'ia, where did we all go to? i miss all of you, in some vague but rather certain way. i contradict myself, but i still miss you guys. come back to my life all of you! well that's that. this is one entry which im gonna have loads of regrets about, but i have tons of stuff to do. this year, crazy year. it's already started. i can feel it. somebody save me. what is wrong with me all this doesnt feel right writing about. thoughts of indonesia and yugoslavia just make me puke. time tricked me one more time. im thinking i wanna go out there and enjoy myself, cuz there is so much more to appreciate and soak up. i hate to think im gonna be excluded in a matter of months. but that's life isnt it. i spent the whole hols just enjoying myself. partying three nights in a row. ice skating after so long was invigorating. and then today i went cable skiing. im yearning to put myself out there. but i wonder if it really makes me happy. if it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad to be completely honest, people often prefer to exclude me from a lot of things, albeit non-consciously. sure i seem intriguing at first, then they tire of me. like i have no more to offer. i hope this theory of mine isn't true. i get paranoid too, i know :] p.s. in zee's words, honour 2005! i didnt think anything could beat 2004, but 2005 came close, if not surpassed it. may 2006 be one magical year then. here we go.
5:25 AM
Saturday, January 07, 2006
goodbye 2005 Reflections on 2005: Belated 1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd neverdone before? Sleepover at a friend's place. First Navjote, then Jonk's, then Shib's. 2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions,and will you make more for next year? I think I really did cherish whatever time I had and stayed as happy as possible. This year, I wanna stay disciplined, be focus, keep healthy and develop a better self both in and out. Ok i guess it's hard to be specific. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes!!! Ms Hope Kelly gave birth to the adorable Elise Chan in July! congrats to them parents! I remember that visit made me want my own kid so much. But soon to come in 2006, more! 4. Did anyone close to you die? No. 6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? You know I don't really know what I want. I guess to be materialistic- more money. To be goal oriented- better grades. On a more intimate level, a close confidant whom i can turn to anytime. Hey you know what- love lah, from the people all around me- more of it, that is :] 7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 19 june- because it is the best and i have learnt to love myself 28 feb- results day 2&4 nov- threesome days 6 dec- us trip day many more stuff without a date attached to them, which obviously means theyve escaped frm my memory already. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? making it through j1, generally speaking. just surviving the crazy promos and having fun with acting and house comm stuff and meeting new people. i guess growing together with a group of close friends would count. keeping in touch and bday presents and all. 9. What was your biggest failure? to be academic minded, the a2 for amath. but then again pple are putting bulllets thru my head for that this very instant so i shall shut up and say, very seriously, that all my failures whatever they may be helped me become a better person. i guess my failure to stay in touch with a lot of pple and my failure to control my temper at times. but really some pple just suck oh well they can screw themselves no worries :] 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I remember my sore throat over the chinese new year period and during drama fest rehearsals was one of the worst i ever experienced. the bloody antibiotics didnt work at all i had to get a new prescription. during ihc, i fell while playing table tennis and had to go to the hospital to check if my right wrist was fractured. it wasnt, but certainly felt so. oh and recently pepper the dog scratched me, haha! 11. What was the best thing you bought? I can't really remember, everytime i buy myself smthing it shld mean something special. maybe the crab hat from boston, since all other stuff aint my money anw. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? the jokers around me who made me laugh came in diff forms, but really made everything all worthwhile. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? there was this guy from class who was really irritating. -whistles away- 14. Where did most of your money go? to be deadpan and realistic- food and notes? but hmmm, probably to stuff i bought in the us. i hope to be more selfless and spend on others next time. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? threesome, hmun, ashlee's I Am Me release, orientation, and promos? haha just joking. a perverse excitement, maybe. 16. What song will always remind you of 2005? quiet by rachel yamagata. boyfriend by ashlee simpson. only one by yellowcard. too many to list you crazy twit who asked this question. but really, it was the gwen stefani, kelly clarkson, black eyed peas year, with the return of madonna and the backstreet boys. hmmmmm to be extra specific, our orientation batch dance song- goldmember and freestyler for sure. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? happier, i wasnt leaving the school! b) thinner or fatter? fatter, because i need to be! c) richer or poorer? poorer cuz i spent hell lot in jc. 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? lazed around with friends. laughed. sang and danced. read!!! watched more reality tv. packed my room. so many things like spend more on myself too. argh! 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? thinking and being emo, being too focused on the past, being too broody and sensitive. 20. How will you be spending Christmas? since this questionaire is overdue i shall answer in retrospect. i spent it with the family watching my grandpa's bday video. boxing day, if still counted, was spent at my cousin's party dancing and having fun. 21. Did you fall in love in 2005? lalala. nope not yet. 22. How many one-night stands? i forgot! 23. What was your favorite TV program? since just shoot me's out of the running, probably project runway? 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? now im in a zen mood so ask me this another time. 25. What was the best book you read? i didnt read anything outside my lit text so maybe silas marner. 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? cant think of one. ashlee is throbbing in my head. 27. What did you want and get? i wanted good promos grades, good health, my scholarship and s papers, a chance to act, to be in house comm, to have fun and make more friends. i guess ive been really lucky :] 28. What did you want and not get? council, which i guess was a blessing in disguise. and many stuff, like being the best in smthing or learning a new instrument or language. oh well, we cant have it all can we. 29. What was your favorite film of this year? crazy piece of cookie! i had many! just like heaven, narnia, goblet of fire, king kong, wallace and gromit, mixed nuts, about schimdt etc. 30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? why cant i seem to remember? im quite sure i celebrated with family but where? was it garibaldi? oh well, i got my just shoot me dvd thats for sure :] 31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? CIP and helping out others. maybe a finding/developing of a best friend! you know im always looking for one. 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? 2005 was crap. but 2006, i promise to be hot chocalate fudge. 33.What kept you sane? music, friends, myself, sleep and water. the world around me can really work both ways. 34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? ashleeeeeeeeee 35. What political issue stirred you the most? politics is a childish thing. 36. Who did you miss? not really who, but what. 37. Who was the best new person you met? this is an impossible question. i hope by the end of 2006 i can answer this question for real. though special mentions would include most members of my class, the pple ive worked with while acting, and random friendly pple who have brightened up my days someway or another. 38. Tell us a valuable life lesson: cherish whatever you have, especially time. 39. Song lyric that best sums up your 2005: "so many emotional days"
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