Mot, Myself and Me Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato. Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar
Talk
from exit to exit CREATEUR ALLEY Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing Yesterdays January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009
Monday, February 27, 2006
ugly today school ended at 3pm. lo and behold, i had nothing to do. here i am sitting at home, the sky outside- still daylight. its been quite a while since i came back that early. since i came back to more than the darkness. before i embark on a whole slew of homework that awaits me, i must say that good memories certainly evade you sometimes. somehow in that last entry i forgot to mention so many things. not that it matters, since we all know they happened in our hearts, but i guess, what's the point of blogging in the first place. i think for me i need to make sure i have at least this to fall back on. i will not forget the sundays we had rehearsals. to my parents it was insane, but looking back i thank them so much for putting up with my crazy hours. my life revolved around df. i think now that its over that inertia is still spinning, but growing slower with each revolution. snee's house was a palace. i say i wouldve spent more time there if i had the choice. and that room we were in was simply cosy and homely and i dunno everything about it just feels so warm and fuzzy in retrospect. i remember that was when the blueberry idea first came about, to think it originated from cherries haha. tiramisu was great and i thought the roof top garden was simply amazing. dinner after that with jonk and cc was rather quiet, but it was one of those less is more moments. it was just about one week ago they came over to pandan valley. the function room was huge and amazing. i really am very proud of pv. i dont ever wanna move out. but i dont think that's for me to decide huh. anw we had fun i guess. rehearsals were productive and i played basketball again in a very longg time. i wonder when my childhood stopped. when i stopped doing that. when i stopped rollerblading around the whole of pv. when i stopped going to the playground. they left that night with me feeling slightly empty. something wistful about pple coming and going. i profess i miss the smell of the PAC. in a strange way i long to feel the blasting freezing sub-zero aircon gnaw at my skin once again. i miss shivering in it and i miss all the sets and the cloth and marvelling at them and yeah even moving the sets from place to place. i think this time round i became better at choosing meals. the cockroach in lt2 we killed. the stuffy lt2 when they shut the aircon down on us. waxing with masking tape on the table in lt3. the hotseat thing we did in lt2, trying to dissect our characters and find a meaning to it all. the full cast and crew in one big restless circle on the lt2 stage. sets unsettled. who wouldve guessed it would turn out so amazing? the white tie was hanging beside me in the laundry area just yesterday, shiny silky and pearly white after a good wash. the makeup stains, all gone, without a trace. sigh. speaking of makeup- this df experience has taught me how to do eyeliner. i dont figure i will ever need it again, unless i decide to be some goth rock punk or to return to all this again. i figure this will be my last time on stage. i seldom smile willingly during curtain calls, because i just cant bear to embrace the end. the results did not justify our efforts and passion, but i dont think justification was what we needed. we had each other, and that was enough. i wish the judges had said more. we all did i suppose. at least we wouldve known where we went wrong. but perhaps its better left that way. some things are better left unspoken. that night we went out for supper at chomp chomp. it was such fun. i didnt enjoy my drink and food as much as i enjoyed the company. everyone was cheery and going silly with our own off-stage rendition of truth or dare. details i will not divulge, mwahaha, since i already have enough photos going around as blackmail material i dont see why i must sabotage myself any further. but it was not complete. not everyone was there. most had to leave early. the last of us left at around 3am. im looking forward to meeting everyone at ppp, just so we can unihibitedly let go. we deserved our celebration. we deserve to make some more noise. as a wise writer once wrote, "nothing is over till we give up on something". When I was 7 They said I was strange I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same I asked my parents if I was OK They said you're more beautiful And that's the way, they show that they wish That they had your smile So my confidence was up for a while I got real comfortable with my own style I knew that they were only jealous cos People are all the same And we only get judged by what we do Personality reflects name And if I'm ugly then So are you So are you There was a time when I felt like I cared That I was shorter than everyone there People made me feel like life was unfair And I did things that made me ashamed Cos I didn't know my body would change I grew taller than them in more ways But there will always be the one who will say Something bad to make them feel great People are all the same And we only get judged by what we do Personality reflects name And if I'm ugly then So are you So are you i might just have to spend the next few weeks being busy with stuff i dont necessarily enjoy. but im gonna soak it up for all they're worth, and, like some dear friends have said, enjoy the company. it's gonna be rough, but im gonna make it through. be with me!
1:17 AM
Sunday, February 26, 2006
you're it is 12:41am on a monday morning. having just spent the whole of sunday slogging out a history essay for rolly and a resolution for simun, which were both pretty much hard work but crap anyway, im in this state of calm. yes im calm, despite knowing deep down that there's still a gp essay, a woman warrior essay, a frost essay, a lits essay, econs mcq and math tutorials to do. plus simun is coming up. plus common tests which well, suddenly seem so near. too near. "i miss everything about you" actually im not okay. right now im chewing on my apple but tonight has just made me go all soppy and depressed and what not. im calm on the outside but inside there's this nagging feeling in my chest that just wouldnt go away. i cant even tell u what it is because, i just dont know myself. i think i have not cried for too long. its about time i did so. i think i know why: i would rather relive the past few weeks than proceed on from today. yes, that's the problem. i guess. "i'm scared" amidst the daily rehearsals there were numerous interruptions that i feel added some value to my life. for one power 98 invaded rj, or rather lt1. it was my dream come true, of some sort, but when it did happen, apart from the turn up being embarassingly bad, apart from the total defence car game seeming childish because hardly anyone was there to support us, i dunno, there were ugly pple who managed to spoil my day for me. im so thankful however, for the following pple: snee, jean& yeeler- for winning tdcg together. i thank rozz and jeremy ratnam too because power98 rocks my socks. pple like elly and trix and hanyi and glen and daryl who helped us and showed us so much support. in a way winning so many goodie bags didnt matter, it was good for what it was. i was so happy! franz ferdinand was another biggie. free tickets went to huanna and huiting and stef. i cabbed down with shumin and lo and behold were we one big humans entourage or what. even claudia was there. oh and js and shib and mag! and tetty and trish and joel. joel im really sorry u know that right? but i think we enjoyed ourselves. even i did. i mean i didnt even know the songs. but 2 minutes into the first song i was already sweaty and trying to keep balance. the crowd was crazy. the concert was crazy. we got autographs for heaven's sake. we were so close to them. that was one crazy night i wld never forget. i figure i enjoyed myself. but that same day my dad smsed me while we were rhrsing in lt3. i havent been to see my aunt ever since the day she got admitted on her bday. i still dont know what's wrong with her. nobody knows. the doctors dont know i dont know what do we know do the gods know? who do we always pray to do you know how scary all of that was because for once in my life i actually felt utterly vulnerable in the face of someone i know struggling to goodness grief, struggling to stay alive. i know what its like to have a fever but i also know what its like to recover- for good. my aunt might never figure that out and it just scares me so so much because she's not even old and my parents are and i figure one day im gonna have to deal with something like this. and my grandma she's not really in the best of health. she probably cant rmbr who i am anymore. she cant remember any of us. i sometimes dream of her- standing up, on those two feet that have betrayed her for almost ten years now. i dont even know i lost count. i imagine her speaking in hokkien and being all asssertive and matriachal in her kebaya and i imagine her like what i see in those photos. i see her walking around scolding and taking care of my older cousins- the ones who are closer to her. and then i wake up and realize that she's just a shadow of what she used to be and im just a shadow to her. and i dont want that to happen to anyone else. not my dad. not my mom. hell no please. i dont want them to forget me or to have anything happen to them because i will just crash when that happens. i figure they are the only ones who ever really really loved me. i dont even think i can count on my siblings. yes i have two siblings how many of you even know that. not that its important because i dont even communicate with one of them and the other well let's just say we have lots of unfinished business. and this is what makes me cry. the fact that my family isnt perfect and that even if no family is perfect- mine isnt even normal or sufficiently happy to begin with. we can laugh and talk loudly and celebrate but sometimes i look at everyone and sense this i dunno futility in all that they are doing. i dont want to become like that. and well all that talk and ive only covered my paternal side of things. i dont even know half of my maternal side. why am i this inbalanced piece of crap i dont feel complete i dont think i ever will because there is this older cousin somewhere out there being a doctor and we dont know each other. and i dont know my uncle at all i wont even recognize him god damnit and yes i realize this is really nobody's fault because i look at my mum and i know there is this sadness inside of her waiting to pour out all the injustices and sacrifices she has been through in life and this deep dark secret i might never ever get to know. how can u live your life knowing a stranger but not knowing family. i dont even know why i bother to be happy sometimes. "she never said anything" so i went to donate blood with snee yeeler and jean. just as i typed that i realize we're tdcg. but nvm. it was a coincidence. yeah so it was my first time and not only was it painless it felt real goood doing it. the pple were nice, the refreshments helped and yeahhh i got to hold my own bag of blood, warm blood, it felt good. i was doing something right. a few km away my aunt was awaiting platelet transfusion. part of me was doing it for her. the other part was doing it for me. to make me feel less guilty i suppose. i laughed when the nurse applied antiseptic. it was so ticklish. i miss laughing. "i wish i never said anything" that was dry run day, i suppose. yes, its all becoming clearer now. the makeup and all during gp. and how the run went pretty badly, the pace all slow and what not. sigh. there are times i wish i cherished more, even though i was already making a conscious effort to cherish it as it passed. right now "i dont know what to feel". i just feel empty inside. maybe things would have been different if it had not happened. maybe not. but this is what i remember. "it was never ours to begin with" i remember the very early days i wld keep reminding cc to start writing a script. i rmbr house comm deciding on nash junyi and dani as df reps. i rmbr how df auditions came soon after rp auditions, and how cc made iz shum and myself do mdm mao's tong. the humans lounge, me, gavin, junyi, cc, shumin sometimes snee and dani and nash and ajit and jonk and xtine- all on the panel. then we had to audition. ranking everyone from 1to5. shumin's skilful putdowns. and the number 1 question of "on the scale of 1to10 how much do u want df" and the necessary followup- "what is 10". i rmbr then having to audition again for specific roles after cc churned out the first few drafts of his soon to be awesome script. man woman. woman mute. man friend. mute woman. woman man. friend man. im seeing humans loungue. now im seeing lt5. and oh yes how one more extra audition had to be held. i rmbr reciting the woman warrior in chinese with some other humz suckers. wasting our time away. tick tock tick tock. "i remember this." and then i remember returning back on a saturday for casting. i rmbr iz and matthew and the breeze the blew in on the top floors of block B. and us sitting by the railings, legs protruding, looking down on life. oh yeah we had a full attendance that day yeah? or at least we tried. and rmbr pictionary, and sudoku? it was such a raw stage. such a premature stage. even though it was barely three four weeks ago. yet, so much has changed. how much we have grown from this- i smile. the gang of four and junyi refusing to come out of the lift because they hadnt decided. then it came, and we went home without lunch. oh that was the night of open house for me was it not? yeah it was. and i remember trying to do math or smthing. and worrying about the casting and all with shumin online- how we werent confident in ourselves and the characters we had to be- or become. "i wish i never made a choice" 10 feb was the dateline and cc he made it didnt he. it was an amazing script, the best by a million miles, and we all missed the real important and valuable bits of it because, like the many who've probably read it once or twice or thrice and dismissed it, we had yet to see it beauty, its craft, its magic. but rhrsals came and went and each time i went home feeling more fulfilled than ever, and more impressed and confident. even though rhrsals started rough and slow, how soon did we lapse into the daily routine, and each day i actually looked forward to rhrsals because i was living and breathing dramafeste. homework and all became secondary, really. it was my favourite excuse, i believe. you're my favourite excuse. late nights and all, yes i felt bad my dad had to pick me and wait for me. i felt bad he ate dinner so late because of me. i felt bad i sometimes went by two days without seeing my mom at all. it was crazy, but worth it? i hope so. "you're most beautiful when you're silent" i almost forgot about the bloody photoshoot. i swear i would never ever again. it was on valentine's day- us being the sad singles we are. 'right now im solo but that will be changing eventually'. haha. it was fun and inspiring. really really inspiring. apart from the fact that i wasnt feeling totally comfortable, and that we were all tired, some even sick, and the places were crowded and we all started late so very little day shots and very little photos on the whole, it will be something i take away from forever. being in such close proximity with the fellow cast not only made me learn about professionalism, but also helped me unearth a myriad of emotions so spectacular everything else seemed like such a blur. looking back on all those photos i must say we must feel proud of what we achieved, and one of my favourite photos has got to be the one with everyone inside, the one with all of us on the steps, because i felt that captured a genuine moment of happiness from all of us. i would do it all over again, trust me. even if just to capture our souls. "everything. nothing. nothing" i guess it is about time i stop trying to recount things in a chronological order because seriously that is not how my mind is working right now, esp wrt dramafeste. it was about the people and what we all did together that made the experience worth remembering. this shall be as random as i can muster it to be. snee: you're sweet. thank you for always being the gentle, caring, and sensitive one. great job on emceeing, you looked great trust me, and your crazy makeup and resourcefulness at finding costumes makes me so thankful you're in moortarbet. im so glad this has given us a chance to know each other better (thanks for listening the other day)- i promise i'll try not to break your heart again- karaoke revolution soon ok? to you i dedicate the song- pieces of me. jonk: you're big. and by that i mean big at heart, and in no other way, i promise. your show of emotion on friday reminded me that deep inside you there is still that jonathan that we all knew in sec1. deep inside you there is still so much more you have to offer and for use to cherish each and every single day of our friendship. you filled me up with hope once again. you made me lost for words. all i can say is im thankful you decided to do df again, because without you, it wldve been incomplete. thanks for being so open- it didnt hurt, did it? to you i dedicate the song- somewhere only we know. christine: you're beautiful. i hope you know how special you are to me, even though i dont always show it. i know i can always count on you, even though our worlds dont necessarily intersect all the time. thanks for returning back to my life, and putting so many things in perspective for me. i enjoy your idiosyncracies and i really hope you will accept my gift of a cat one day. meow. haha thanks for making me feel special at times. icecream and clarkquay soon. to you i dedicate the song- our lives nash: you're nash. i realize that i cant find an apt enough adjective to describe you- because you are so many things rolled into one. you can be playful at times, angry at others, but whatever it is, you always mean well and im really glad you did df this year too because it was just so nice having a familiar face around and having you share the euphoria of it all. i admire your spirit to rise above the tide esp when things got rough with talentime etc. in response to an sms u sent jonk, i just wanna say everybody loves you for who you are. your dancing puts us all to shame. thanks for being there, thanks for being silly with me, what with grapes and nostrils and fighting with cloth and all. somethings never change do they? to you i dedicate the song- inside your heaven. zhengyi: you're instrumental. that's a pun, stolen from cc's amazing mind no doubt but i guess i really feel that way. you have been just such a comfort to be around because i always know i can talk to you and feel better after that. im so glad your sms abt leaving df did not come true im so glad you joined back and did what you always wanted to do- you composed, and it was most admirable and amazing. i rmbr our talk at the j8 busstop. all i can say is follow your dreams, because only your dreams will take you higher and make you achieve the unthinkable. you are talented, and it was your music that kept me going on stage. you have touched lives such as mine. please be happy from now on. to you i dedicate the song- tonight we fly. sauling: you're crazy. and i mean it in a good way. you're always so fun to be around, so bubbly and so happy. i wish i could be as happy sometimes, all the time. what can i say, nan hua rocks big time. we are unstoppable. do what you do best and continue to infect others with your craziness. it was really gratifying to see you enjoying urself wherever we went, whatever we did. esp singing home in the lt. your og amazes me. have fun with j1!!! to you i dedicate- the nan hua school song! matthias: you're cool. cool name, really, and coming from me its rather rare haha because my name is cool too yeah! i dont profess to know you too well. but i do appreciate you always being there for the house and having fun with your og and basically being just who you are. i remember the cut days, and how i found out we're both gemini babies. im afraid i forgot your bday though, seems like so long ago. do remind me. anyhow, do cherish your time here, and make the most out of life. to you i dedicate the song- dreams. wanqing & toffa: you're funky. sorry i have to put u two together but i really appreciate both of you as individuals really. both of you have been so encouraging and so patient and nice with all these it really kept me going because i knew if i didnt i had pple like you guys to disappoint. wanqing, follow your heart, and i still think u look like sau. toffa, cool name, cool specs, and may both your lives be filled with lots of love, because you gave us love, and i appreciate that. to you two i dedicate the song- the special two. junyi: you're super. your programmes are superb, your emceeing is great, your ability to juggle so many things despite pressure from family simply wows me. i thank you for lending me clothes, and thank you for becoming such a close friend over time. closer than we first started thats for sure. you are every bit the best vice house capt anyone cld hope for, mt wldnt be where it is w/o you, trust me. you have earned my utmost respect and i will always rmbr you as the crazy immoortal who started off as the 2a monitor. look how far we've all come. i hope u stay strong when academics kick in and may you continue to enjoy debates and coffeebean and tea leaf soon yeah? thanks for all your encouragement and passion. to you i dedicate the song- L.O.V.E gavin: you're great. you have been the nanny for two times alrdy and i am gonna miss being under your charge i tell you. u dont know how many lives u have touch with your screams and laughter and songs and bitching and what have you. you have so much to give you shld never stop giving ok? dont ever feel like youve been taken granted for because we all really appreciate you for just who you are. thanks for liang cha, thanks for you witch hat, and thanks for the chops and seating plan and omg youre just productive and efficient and resourceful and capable beyond words. before u think i only appreciate you because u give me things, lemme say a big thank you, and here's a big hug :] to you i dedicate the song- where is the love. chengchai: you're special. because you are. you make pple see things differently, you write so well its like magic, you are creative and inspiring all at once. you have the power to move. and this time round you have moved all of us. despite your weaknesses and emotional instability, you kept your cool and never stopped believing in us. i thank you for that. you are set to become one of the greatest writers of our time so never stop believing in your dream. and dont thank me now, but only when it does happen in the not so far away future. you have so much to live for, because you are a genius in your own right. everyone else should recognize your talent and worship you. i thank you for being such a close friend, even though we have our differences. if there is something i have learnt these 3 times under your direction, it would be to respect you for who you are. and we do not need recognition, for we have each other. silence affects us all, and sometimes does wonders. to you i dedicate the song- quiet. shumin: you're too good to me. trust in me when i say you're talented beyond words. you can sing, you can act, you speak french, a little german, there's no stopping you woman! haha. but really, thank you for sharing two wonderful dramafestes with me. its been such an honour for me trust me and you never fail to arrest me with that poise of yours. we're not terribly close, but we're most certainly closer. i figure we have so much more to talk about from now on. though, we could always talk quite easily huh. i hope you make the best out of syf, because it is an opportunity many of us would want but could not get. always look on the bright side of life my friend, even when waikit is a pain in the ass, even when rolly walks in on us holding hands on the sofa. gasp! hahaha. i will remember this. i hope you will too. thanks for making it so much easier when we thought it wld be awkward- i figure we have really grown as actors together, dont u think? i thank you for empowering me on stage with those eyes of yours. to you i dedicate the song- it must have been love. p.s. your og (aka the kratonites) is power. isaac: you're skinny. sorry lah there's no other word more apt believe me. haha alrite considering im only 0.5kg heavier than you i guess im not really qualified to judge you here huh. but really, yes it has been such a long way we've come together hasnt it. what with dramafeste and di and all. when cc asked me during the interview that question about actors in school, i have no idea why your name slipped by me. because believe it or not you have been most inspiring to work with, and two times on stage at that. you're fanatastic. im very thankful for the time we've shared. you never fail to make me breathless with the emotional intensity you deliver and you're always funloving and amiable and approachable. thanks for your laughter (haha), for basketball and for all your kind words and gestures. i figure we too have grown as actors together. you're taller than me literally, but also, as the sugababes might put, taller in more ways. you have my hat off to you, pretty boy, so dont let anyone bring you down. to you i dedicate the song- untitled. matthew: you're silent. its been so nice having you with us esp as the mute you really added so much colour i am extremely grateful. we might not have talked much or acted across each other but i do say i respect u for ur hardworking nature and devotedness. you actually seemed engulfed in your character- i cant say i fully understand how that feels like. but hey, we did good, and you're gonna go ahead and wow more pple with whatever you have to offer. you showed a huge spirit, and therein lies my gratitude for you. thanks for being just who you are. promise that you will indeed look back and remember these good times, for often we tend to forget, even though we dont want to. to you i dedicate the song- silent all these years. shaun: you're nice. same adjective i used two years ago. i cant find anything else to replace it i suppose. thanks for always smiling and the currypuffs and the cake and your crankiness and friendliness. you gave us so much heart to strive on- thanks for the encouragement. thanks for always being there even when you didnt have to. for us, for me. to you i dedicate the song- dare you to move. dani: you're the best. simply the best house captain around. i cherish our shared history in nhps. there is just so much we can talk about and laugh about. thanks for being so understanding, so patient, so kind and so so nice to all of us. you have been such a good leader you have inspired me with your collected charisma. i hope 6h has a gathering soon. hope to get to know you even better, and yes say hi to dawei for me. thanks for always believing in us. to you i dedicate the song- believe. and the following precious pple: you're a miracle. i dedicate the song- thankful- to all of you, because i am, from the bottom of my heart- i really am. yuhui & george: thanks so much! yuhui i will always rmbr ur gentle laughter, ur cheerful nature and ur expertise in lighting. george u have been so patient and so kind thank you so much for being there all the wayy. i dont figure i know both of u too well either, but hey, "this could be a start", yeah? nicholas & daniel: thanks a million! daniel cool specs like ive always said thanks i admire your willingness to learn and your kind disposition. nick i dont know you well at all but im sure u had fun with your og and all so yeah thanks again cuz things wldnt have been the same w/o u guys! jeannifer: i hope ure okay u did seem troubled but anyhow i must say a big thank you because you have really made it all worthwhile. thanks for being such a constant support and being so graceful and sweet. your voice is alluring, and we all fell in love with it. thanks once again. nivi: so so touching to receive a note from you. im so glad you made the effort to stay close to mtdf because we really cherish you when you do so, we do. i hope to see you onstage someday, be it sooner, or later. i wish you all the best:] ajit: fainted ah boy! haha i hope u rested well, please take care of yourself from now on. wish you were there with us on the last night. we really missed you, i hope you stay strong from now on. good job for ihc thus far. enjoy whatever else u have in life ok? tricia: may fish and co be a success. thanks for being part in mtdf even though uve been so busy. thanks for the makeup, the time, the kindness, the love. you have been most valuable. we wont forget you. sook zhen: you rock big time! thanks for being an art friend and i really love your posters! you have been with us in spirit and soul im really looking forward to getting to know you better, esp since we're all in humz. maybe tennis for ppp yeah? and your brother the judge! haha thanks so much for being there. other houses: to all the other friends in DF, namely reuben jerrine max zul js sarah liyana khin pek jo lincoln wangting nick zhuoyi navjote jade yam shib jon shirin joy and i really hope i didnt forget anyone but if i did pls kick me. well yeah to all you guys- thank you so much for surrounding me with your warmth and air of familiarity. just makes me feel so at home, doing this. im glad that competition isnt smthing we take home at the end of the day, but rather the fun and laughter and inspirations we drew from our various experiences, each unique in itself. congrats to navjote and jade for best direction, and to MR in general for best play. its a huge pity i didnt watch it but i know you all deserve it so much so yayyy. on a sidenote i do not think BW deserved their best script win and this is my opinion so i am entitled to it. the best script is obviously chengchai's masterpiece because the rest of the writers are simply not smart enough to come up with something as intelligent and well crafted as "you're". nobody else gave it enough thought, i suppose. and all i can say is acting frivolous and funny on stage isnt exactly difficult, what takes skill is smthing like what shumin had to do. there, i said it. the girl deserved best actress. but still, at the end of the day, what are awards. what do results matter. like a lot of others, ive become very zen about this whole thing. i know mtdf2007 is gonna return with a vengeance. not that we have anything to prove, but i just know they can do it :] we did our best, we shall have no regrets. and the past is in the past. what we have others shall never hope to possess- and that is our miles and miles of heart. our goodness. our talent. our happiness. our love. our red hot passion. moor tarbet isnt gonna finish first. but im not feeling sad, not the very least. disappointed maybe. but no, no regrets- because we did what we could, and we had all the fun doing it. i daresay no other house had as much spirit and camaraderie as we had. what with wrapping ourselves in cloth, photowhoring together, playing silly games in a circle, oh and to those who came down to support, esp classmates and pple like joel and eve and stef and chere and jean bestest co-ogl and terence thanks for ur kind kind sms and my cousin zomg thank you so much and erm alan of course how can i forget you and lotsa others- thanks for the touching words, the encouragement, the flowers, the sweets and most of all the hugs. i cherish all of this, i really do. it meant a lot to me, a lot to all of us. you have made a difference, and we hope we've made one too. time now is 4.11am. "you speak to me in dreams" you're gone.
8:40 AM
Friday, February 24, 2006
"i'll be back"
11:51 PM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
bleah things this week: - the desperate housewives return. - kwok's glaring absence. - celebrated rolly's bday with lola montez book and banner and cake and jersey. - visited aunt in hospital. it was her bday too, but i didnt know. - the grammys - econs timed essay - math power series quiz - vadi pvss's syf auditions - matthew lyon's auditions + karaoke revolution with snee and jade!!! - completed r(a) article on backstreet boys in one night! - late night rehearsals talking abt script and returning to lt2 on saturday - did CV for interview workshop thingum - snee's super posh nice house on sunday - fell in love with fall out boy again - very fulfilling hist s lesson abt good and bad history. - very interesting lit s lesson abt symbolism in the novel. things coming up: - moor tarbet drama feste: you're - talentime: vote for mt! - power 98 school invasion + total defence taboo! - raffrock concert publicity - lit s essay - rolly essay - mah tutorials - hist s readings ahhh the radio just keeps playing my favourite songs again and again!!! just heard ashlee with boyfriend, now its im feeling you, and i heard fall out boy thrice today alone! kelly clarkson keeps impressing me with her vocal acrobatics, and my new love is probably incubus esp that song drive! the df crowd makes me feel comfortable despite the huge amount of inertia and the kind of subdued nature of our rehearsals sometimes. but yeah- with each rehearsal i gain so much learning from them all- newfound respect for cc with his amazing script writing skills! best script which keeps getting better!!! doing cv and seeing olevel results slip and how the j1 just had results this week- dunno brought back so much. esp that overwhelming feeling before i looked at the slip. boy was i relieved so so much i was so fortunate i dunno whether i can do it again. hmm i guess at times like these, we shld just do the best that we can and not be bothered by others. i cant wait for a lot of things to happen. others, im just dreading. aiyoh i just spent one hour of my life on the phone not too sure im happy with that. i hope my cousin is happy with whatever she chooses. byee.
5:54 AM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
always be my baby once in a while something comes your way, and reminds you of your mortality, and it scares the freak out of me. i dont think i can deal with death well. all the same, my deepest condolences, and may time heal the heart. i dont understand why i cant seem to recall events pretty well. in fact, this week was only half a week, right? the suckers threw away my calligraphy. as i mentioned- jealous souls. ive been rather snappy nowadays, and i must admit im quite enjoying being this crappy bitch once in a while. i wldnt go as far as saying its my nature, but sometimes everything ought to go my way, and i want a life that is mine- i want to be heard! was feeling extremely stressed on thursday after a very depressing math lecture. i dont want to be left behind. i dont want to be a pie. my thank you here goes out to xtine, who was being frank but supportive despite being sick. on friday i fell sick myself and skipped hist s for the first time. didnt read the readings anw, but it pained me to do so. i cant wait to commit fully and dive into the wonders of lit and hist s, but frankly judging by how much time i actually have to myself and the trouble i have coping with the current workload, i shudder down to my bones. body was protesting but managed to sleep and make it down for mt df's first official meeting. it was a long few hours, the wind was therapeutic, and i gather i will have a fun time with these pple, but i wonder if i'll slip into that delusory state anytime soon. its bound to happen, i know it. three weeks isnt really helping either. but you know, matthew's devising sessions made me rmbr why i like all this acting stuff so much. the spontaneity and the letting go and that sense of release- hmmm :] what makes something real? we were as one babe, for a moment in time and it seeemed ever lasting, that you will always be mine and you wanna be free so i let you fly cause i know in my heart babe our love will never die you'll always be a part of me and im part of you indefinitely oh don't you know you cant escape me ooh darling cuz u'll always be my baby and we'll linger on...
6:32 AM
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