Mot, Myself and Me Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato. Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar
Talk
from exit to exit CREATEUR ALLEY Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing Yesterdays January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
are you happy? i dont mind spending some time just hanging around with you joy is the number one lyric spouter. name her a song and she will start singing in her baby voice. get your singing joy now. comes complete with shaking function. batteries not included. haha. that's joy for you. she has a fetish for slutty songs like stars are blind (which, admit it, is growing on everybody), and buttons. really cracks us up when she does her joy rendition in the canteen. hidden talent never proved more hidden. i mean, look at her! continuous random variables is bugging me so im taking a break. anyhow, i dont see how im gonna get back my proper routine. i come home, feel so damn shag that i sleep until dinner, wake up, sluggish, bathe, eat, do what little work i can, get distracted by com (like now), then realize its too late for me to have sufficient sleep for day two. how do you expect me to begin any form of revision like that? or much less cope with the homework the teachers are piling upon us? and the weekend- i didnt even notice it! tonight ive only touched math tutorial, leaving history readings, math revison tutorials, and uni research undone and untouched and totally zilch in terms of progress. and it frustrates me. because i have the will, but i dont see the way. i must say i dont like the word remedial. sorry, but i choose not to associate myself with it. i call the friday econs thing "supplementary" instead. having it after hist s certainly does not help- im gonna explode one of these days, but it's gonna take that to get me disciplined and settled and used to the fact that i have to bloody well slog my ass off to see any results. ok then, i accept my fate. some things just happen. considering offering ms lo a free zpop concert ticket. motive: jjlin will be enough of an encouragement for her to feel happy enough to add one mark to any part of my paper. ANY part. 68.5. hello! haha but obviously 1) it wont work 2) i wont stoop to that. today i just felt zen when i realized im gonna get a bee three for gp. eww eww eww. i have fallen. even if i get that extra mark id still be a borderline case. so why not let the grades be a painful reminder for me to buck up! boo hoo. yeah yeah. uhuh. alright. set. yingsze is ridiculously funny in class- when she's not displaying her yingsze syndrome (of asking a previously answered question say ten minutes later), she's infecting others with it and falling asleep. hahaha. hurray to snee who started filming mini videos in class. priceless digital memories in the making. today i saw a startling trio! mrs yau, mr mark wee and mrs joy lim! latter two were engaged in separate convos so i only spoke to mrs yau! good ole mrs yau! she's still the same granny with the kind voice and nagging frown. oh i wish she wld smile more! anw it seems ri lost eureka challenge again. oh bugger. we talked abt the old rigour of the o levels. frankly, id rather be doing o levels again than having to tackle the As. ooooooh i miss miss miss them so much! really wanted to walk back to ri. but 1) cldnt bear to see the construction going on (tearing apart at what was once my second home) 2) had to return to nice rp party. so there it was. im so gonna have to catch up again on teachers' day. i love them! and even though i dont take sciences now im so thankful for all that we got from them. oh the memories. allow me to indulge then. the laughter. mrs yau and her nagging during titration, joy lim and her cockroach and lion with vitamin c pills, mark wee with his lame quirks like father mother thumb or whatever physics hand rule there was. haha. and i rmbr the o level practicals. quarantine. prawn. ammonia. bulbs. man those were the days man! i really really miss it for some reason. id probably look back years from now at jc and miss it just as much, but now, at the brink of another national exam two years down the road, you cant help but compare, reminisce, and draw from then to pursue whatever it is we wanna achieve this time round. i need my four As. and i dont know how im gonna get there, but i will try, and do what i can. and that means self control. from tomorrow onwards- be a mugger ok. i wont forget to enjoy myself. i must study, but i still have lit s and hist s to read up for. movies to watch on dvd, books to read. and i will cover it all. i just need proper time management. anyways, rp farewell today. huge thanks to the sensitive bunch of juniors we have- it made us feel so appreciated, but more so because we know how much we've accomplished in such a short term. so moving to see jo moved to tears. but the auld lang syne bit. tho not all were there, and it wasnt formal or anything, it really felt like some closure that was almost too painful to acknowledge. i told noddy, my very adorable buddy, that i came into rp not expecting anything since i had no experience whatsoever, and unexpectedly, i got so much in return. i can only look back and choke on how much my time in rp has given me, as a person, a designer, an actor and a friend. i really felt it made me more responsible, made me willing to take charge and take risks and stretch my boundaries. perhaps this is a premature tribute, and i dont think i wld do rp justice by typing out a rush job here, but its thanks a million and so much more. i will cherish this for sure. the mask will be a symbolic reminder of the glorious times spent as a crazy group- drama festes, daisy sets, threesome/roadrunners, 1938, shifting gears, open house...if only i could turn back time. if only. ah but all that sobbing for another time. im gonna start to take control of my life by ending here and hitting the sack. there's so much to say. but so little i would put up now. (think canteen talk, big laughter, what you would give for the world, and why one lives and what one lives for) let's just leave it at that. life, oh life, oh lifeeee, oh life. i should stop thinking so much. yeah? but i never figured out how to answer that.
8:34 AM
Saturday, July 15, 2006
light up, light up yeeler was saying how he saw so many beautiful people at some mrt once. when i see beautiful people, i want to crumple up my face. envy equals vice. felt horrible for forgetting glenc's bday. if youre reading glen, happy belated birthday! i look back and wonder what happened to the class that was four dee. oh i miss it. on top of so many other things. this week was an outdoors week for me. cousin shan's bday at blooies and then pirates of the caribbean on tuesday! people, pirates is now officially one of my favourite movies of all time. i was never more entertained in my life, and caught up with all the mystery and ancien mariner-ish intrigue that is dead man's chest. johnny depp is probably one of my fav actors cuz he's super talented and yet always humble. keira and orlando = outrageously beautiful people, but i forgive them cuz it wldnt have been the same without them- so much depth added since the first instalment. anw now i really wanna be a pirate! the best way to experience pirates is to watch it- and im gonna watch it again once i get my free pass: cathay cineplex hall 3 which i was in had a major tech screwup which made us wait more than one freaking hour for the movie to resume. so yeah im getting a free pass. and another one for movie of my choice. i win! im a winner. wednesday was cc's bday and pity we didnt celebrate it but the outing's coming soon. gave him jewel's newest cd. i actually really enjoyed giving that present particularly. writing the card made me realize i have a million gazillion things to tell everyone before i leave school and never see some of them again. oh the misery. "miserable age" (shut up bosola) oh yeah which reminds me i spent sunday at borders! it was the best thing to do- having that extra money to buy what i wanted. landed myself with a super deal i felt- dvds got me a twenty percent off the books. yay me! now i will have no problem passing my time- or rather, making full use of it. my grapes of wrath has the nicest papery feel ive felt in ages. it smells good, feels coarse to the fingers and gives me the brown crispy touch that i need to sustain my fickle interest. on beauty has the chio-est cover, albeit a bit girly but everyone says its good, plus it was cheap, so i snapped it. catcher in the rye was a no brainer for me cuz i intend to make use of it somehow, be it lit ass or just plain paperback pleasure. small book in my hands, cup of tea, couch, cool wind on my face, sunny day. time on my side. i was tempted to buy history books, but that's for another time. picked up sandman: dream country and world's end too. speaking of which i absolutely CANNOT wait for at world's end and spiderman 3. hello! there's like venom! and i wanna know if jack sparrow really died! (oops spoiler. serves you right, because you probably spoiled xmen or harry potter for me, so we're even) well anw of course he didnt die. but oh the twists and turns. i also got myself mystic river and pieces of april on dvd, which im gonna enjoy after i read the mystic river book. oh boy. keep thinking of the amount of work piling up. teachers reminding us we ought to be starting revision now. this is a mess. this life of ours. school. i dont know how we survive. but we do. we have to. SYF awards show! spent a thought provoking afternoon with snee, and i find that we can talk really easily about most anything. so many insights btw, but more on that later. anw we got there LATE, much to my dismay, and missed cj. met cand who gave us a ride in the cab up the enormous hill that is 0.1 of hwa chong's empire in land terms. met mrs b and hubby. she had red streaks on the fringe, which is actually damn cool without the headband. and i felt that i actually missed her presence, in some weird way. anw i felt rj was the best, although there's so much RP cld learn from the others. aj was splendid with its aesthetics, and had pretty strong acting. did i get the storyline? not really- but my fault cuz im not a very good listener. ac was, im sorry, too overrated, and british accent in an american play is just no-no. ensemble was really what an ensemble shld be- strong, coordinated, powerful, effective and energetic. but amazing grace had too much airtime, and one was faced with boredom by the time they got to bunnie- oh no, not another eulogy! anyhow, goodjob to the rj peeps, cuz watching it again i actually felt extremely defensive when pple laughed unnecessarily. and im just all the prouder of all of them for being the great actors that they are. oh shumin and waikit, that priceless quarrel about george. and jo- was she shining or what. even akesh's rap never sounded better. shumin said that was probably her closest to a real theatre experience- because theyve done it so many times, it was like, their piece. totally agree. and noone cldve done it better! liyana: "sam jo youre such an impt character in the play!" me: "hmmm?" liyana: "people hear your name and go- WHERE?" thanks hor. this week isnt my week because ive been made to wait for the longest time. first was pirates screw up, then was fish and co today- glass house was packed. saw james, who was at the booze counter! tsk tsk. anw we were made to wait close to 2 hours. but i appreciated spending more time with meta;fyr! as much as i dont go in the mornings, i really miss the bunch of them. must thank jean for keeping this og together. we enjoyed the new york fish and chips and whiled the time talking about weirdos in school and lapping up extra drops of butter sauce. yummy. quiet moments. looking up, no stars, but under the statue of LOVE, it was all we needed. promised it wasnt gonna be the last gathering. after exams? so be it. at the busstop i met victor. sister just pointed to keira knightley on my wallpaper and said: "do you know she's my age?" me: "yes and look at you!" she: "yes and what have i achieved?" me: "nothing!" she: "so sad!" maybe that's why im jealous of beautiful people. they get what they want young, and spend the rest of their lives living off it. grrrr. (song playing now happens to be ashlee's beautifully broken. ha!) anw yes speaking of keira, xtine and i had a great time discussing pirates while everyone else was still clueless. oh man. i think xtine is one girl who pleases everyone. oh oops. okay lemme try that again. xtine is someone whom everyone is happy to see! yes that's better. there's so much to talk about, and i must let it be known that im thankful for the comforting convos on the bus ride home. bus ride convos, although we dont rmbr much of, are extremely important in forming friendships, i feel. when the busride gets awkwardly quiet, then there's smthing wrong. and boy have i had my fair share of that. do i really worry too much? anw been speaking to snee a lot lately. amazing to see how we've all come thus far. sometimes i feel like telling my life story and i hold back. and once in a while someone comes along, someone who bothers to listen and share. i have met a couple of such people, but i always end up losing them, in one way or another. anw, we talked to rolly on friday. and i want to put my life back in perspective. really, i can be rather oblivious to all thats around me sometimes. oh bugger. on that note, some things around me id rather not know of. but now that i do, come on! who are you to act all sententious when ure spending ur last year of school making someone else's life miserable, on purpose, with no good reason, and even to the point of sowing serious shit discord. im so over it, and i hope you get here someday. to the realization that we dont cherish enough and do things that we will spend the rest of our lives regretting. you dont wanna do this. really. and i say this, as a friend, to you both. shib- we still need to talk. cheer up please. and what does this mean? With a gun and a pack of sandwiches says: you're a clever boy. With a gun and a pack of sandwiches says: goodnight too much for tonight. i shall end with this. i will be a new person somewhat come the new week. Maybe I should sleep earlier and get off the bloody com and get my life back. I love knowing that i have yet to fall in love. I don't understand a crazy little thing called life. I lose sleep when i really want to sleep. irony in insomnia. People say I am the epitome of me. because i am not enough of anything to be something. something other than myself. Love is a many splendoured thing. it has to be. When I like someone i act differently lest im just not good enough the way i am. okay and sometimes i google the name- for kicks. Somewhere someone will be the one. but somewhere someone is also dying, praying, doing something naughty, or being born into the wrong world. I will always remember the days. the happy happy days, and never let go, for i draw strength from then. i will always try to be a better person, and never stop seeking the truth, that which is not 42. Forever is being alone with the one you like and hearing time stop in your heart. forever is being young and having your whole future ahead of you and being free of worries. forever is what ive lost but seek to find again. forever is something i cannot see but would like to hold, even for a second. and that is impossible. I never want to lose my memory and for people to forget me. I think the current US President is not having an affair with rice. I will never say never. well, perhaps eat chilli. My past is a shadow that is always behind me, giving me all the support i need, but also the drawer of times that i want to hideaway forever. My greatest fear is the fear of fear itself. perhaps facing up to my insecurities of this life, and after that, death and its emptiness. I get annoyed when i act like a jerk and feel lousy about myself. also when people dont seem to exercise the same amount of self consciousness that i am capable of. My dog is gonna be the cutest thing ever. i shall name him wellington, and i will love him because he will be there when im lonely. Kisses are the best when dare you to move is the song behind it all. when sincere, of course. and when a surprise. Tomorrow is only a day away. a never ending sleep. something which i do not want to wake up to. I really want to let the world know who i am and be appreciated. i want to be tops in something, and not just an eminent mediocrity. I have low tolerance for inconsideration and lack of love. oh and chilli.
10:13 AM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
just missed the train so uninspired to write anything here. but then i might never get started and i dont want this to die. relieved that cts are over, most definitely. the prospect of prelims in 9 weeks is close to nauseating, but then again, i expected it, and it's not gonna be easy- esp since this time round ive learnt that focusing is really not my thing- but im gonna try. and damn well im gonna try my best. results have been streaming in, history's a well maintained B, and as much as im impeccably envious of those who managed to ease an A, i think it's not impossible for me. and that's why im gonna work a hell lot harder- do my readings, read more, listen in lectures etcetera. so far econs has indicated that i can pass. which is a good sign? i just wish i could rise above this trench that im perpetually stuck in. how im gonna get out i dont know, but this is my promise to myself. i guess promises are better left unsaid. the rest are in limbo. gp lit math. i can only hope for the best i guess. oh and the asses! lit ass was fun after all, and so was hist ass, despite the nerve wrecking hours before the tests, i actually found myself engaging in some real intellectual intercourse- and i enjoy intercourse. so there! will i pull out? i need to take a step back when all the results are confirmed i suppose. for now, i need to try and enjoy whatever free time i have left. there's always that need to like burn out whatever time i have. to just live it to the fullest. and that's been my mentality ever since jc. but you know, this year's really no joke. and i think much as i would like to avoid it, and as much as i would like to procrastinate, i want to do what counts for once. im not really sure what that is. in fact im very much oscillating between taking time off and devoting it to the books or what not. i had plans, after cts, to read widely, to broaden my knowledge, to have lots of fun, to go out more, to study hard, stay consistent- but it always seems you can never do what you want- at least not all of it, when you want it. the magic word is balance. im gonna strike it. for some reason this cts was a pretty trying moment for me- and cuz of that i have no idea how im gonna handle entire syllabi of all my subjects. well, after cts was a particularly low moment for me. there was hardly anyone to hang out with, for some reason- and not that i wanted to anyway. everyone else was having fun but i was just rotting alone. i managed a first swim in ages, and i swam all that pent up stress away. monday was supposed to be the best day ever in a long time, but it was a gathering that failed to live up to its hype. some were sick, some didnt come, many came late, had to leave halfway, and hardly anyone could stay over. i even just learnt that i was treated to this huge lie that day, and im sitting here wondering why i was so stupid as to have fallen for it. i should have known. but can i say i would have done differently? i really dont know. sarah's house was warm and cosy and it was a nice afternoon of lots of eating in holland v, silly shopping that ended in me getting this felt-like polka dot shirt (dont ask me what colour!). then we watched hitchhiker's guide and marvin was just brilliant. morosely brilliant. dinner was probably the funnest part because gawin came over and we actually went grocery shoppping and did some coooking. cutting onions, chopping vege, tossing chicken chippolittas and stuff like that. and it was not bad at all! in fact it was really good, so thanks for a new experience i suppose. we never know what we can discover. night time we watched frasier, grey's anatomy, the usual monday tv fair, and finished off into the early morning with sliding doors :] how coincidental! cd just played just missed the train by kelly clarkson, and i was talking abt sliding doors. aha. life must love me. except i dont know how much i love it back. anw thanks sarah for your place, but now its up to someone like js to make sure the next one has more than 3 pple around at anyone time. oh i miss those days when we were all together and noone could take us away from each other. life was so much simpler then. probably happier too. but who am i to talk about life. the start of regular school has been tiring- already, i know. really thankful that cca's out of my life. but i think im gonna have to make better use of my time. i can see how the next few weeks are gonna play out. lots of hard work and shaping up about to come my way- and im just gonna have to rise to the challenge, or get lost in it. i dont wanna lose. after hist ass i wanted to join the 1b/13a peeps for bubble tea but somehow jean ramu and snee steered me towards island creamery. we had banana, nutella, apple pie and cookies & cream! had a really long talk. about life, the class dynamics, and many other miscellaneous things. really interesting stuff too. it never fails to amaze me how much we had inside to speak about. sometimes too many things are left unspoken of. i was in a pretty good mood after that actually. for those couple of hours i connected with those 3 on some utterly random level. and it was therapeutic, to say the least. this week ended on that high note. no more hist ass looming in the background. birthday presents more or less finalized- haha. apart from nelly furtado's loose from power 98, i got: sliding doors dvd + v for vendetta poster / snee&cc the curious incident of the dog in the night-time + wooden basketball toy / alan anansi boys / zee g2000 dark blue shirt + photo collage / junyi edgar allen poe's collection / jonk kelly clarkson's thankful / nash voodoo studies charm / liyana another motorola handphone / parents to all: thank you! now that germany's out, i need to find a reason to go to shumin's house on sunday night. the reason will be the class, i suppose. i really enjoyed moments of spontaneity on class's part this week. the basketball game after rolly, before lit s, totally crazy wild fun i havent had in a long while. and the prata house lunch that i followed on impulse. but what will last will last, and what won't, cant be helped. shibani tags: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 5 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs. 1. i live on paper. i smell every set of notes im given, and i kiss my exam scripts before handing them in- superstition. 2. ive always wanted a pet! like a dog who will always be there for me. i need my wellington. 3. i study in my storeroom. that got me through the toughest of times. and tougher times lie ahead. 4. i brush my tongue everytime i brush until i get the vomit sensation then i stop. it wakes me up and cleans my mouth ten times better! 5. i have yet to open my ipod video or drink my barcardi breezer. 6. before i bathe, i am sam. after i bathe, i am jo. I tag : (all girls, cuz guys dont update) 1. xtine 2. snee 3. liyana 4. jean 5. ashlee simpson "i think people believe in heaven because they dont like the idea of dying, because they want to carry on living and they dont like the idea that other people will move into their house and put their things into the rubbish." i pray for YOU.
1:14 AM
Saturday, July 01, 2006
more to life i have the weirdest dreams. (but then we all do) last night's was a long one- possibly many, but i cant remember anw- involving this navy ship i was on and there was a chase and some competition btwn another captain and i. chaos water ship "goal" from outside sleep sleep dream on. on tuesday afternoon it was particularly queer. there was kwok, reeves, talking about us students not needing a part b. later was revealed to be the r formula of math, the part that finds tangent- a over b. it was some japanese like setting, and i was in a restaurant. went out with someone, came back saw a couple kissing outside and my grandfather was inside and so was doreenang. and then we took some group photo. snap. flash. maybe that's why dreams dont make sense. because they cant, or all our realities will crumble at its ability to distort what is stable, in order, and ideal. but then again its all one, whether i tell you or not. " it seems to me i am trying to tell you a dream- making a vain attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream sensation, that commingling of absurdity, surprise, and bewilderment in a tremor o struggling revolt, that notion of being captured by the incredible which is of the very essence of dreams...." "we live, as we dream- alone..." i sit here sincerely helplessly old as i am helplessly young. there is really nothing left to talk about. not now. we were more than just friends. we were chasing down every temporary high.
7:28 AM
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