Mot, Myself and Me Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato. Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar
Talk
from exit to exit CREATEUR ALLEY Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing Yesterdays January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009
Sunday, March 27, 2005
i bruise easily im back after a long weekend of slacking. ive never felt so sloth-ridden before. been watching tv and lots of tv, sleeping late, msn, waking late, tv...you get the drift. absolute sloth yucks i didnt do any homework how?! it doesnt help that there really isnt any homework to be done in the short run cuz that makes me feel so wary abt what the teachers have in store for us. i just know it. sigh so O2 came and went and with a bad mood good friday came. my parents went to malaysia so i was pretty much left to my own devices at home, but doing nothing special. i shldve gone out to watch some stupid movie, or swim, or i dunno just take a walk and grab lunch from holland v or something. i feel so incredibly dependent on my home. like im stuck there and i really wanted to go out but where?! i dont reckon i belong anywhere else, much less, to anyone? hmmm. the countless times ive blogsurfed in hope to find some new reading material- most gave me negative results i think i shld stop expecting anything. i shld just cool off this whole computer internet thing cuz its draining my life away. like im lending myself to atrophy literally. feel so disgusted that im facing the screen almost 24/7. like my life revolves around it. i dont have a comfy room that belongs to myself that i can return to and lounge on my bed and read and listen to music there. this computer/spare/store room has been my haven. where i studied for the Os and all that. i mean yeah the computer has been controlling me, u cld say that. for that i feel guilty. i am utterly swearing off it for awhile. even the convos on msn are quite pointless. i dont see any point. what am i searching for anyway? dont i already know these people and even if i dont since no one seems to know anyone anyway, so what how much more can i learn abt them behind the screen? so im seeking solace in music from the computer. i cant wait for my zen micro which doesnt seem to be coming. i swear if its not red in colour im gonna burst. i'll bail. i'll just give up. i cant do without what i want anymore. boo i sound tragic maybe im exaggerating but hey dont judge me you. haaa im trying so hard to anticipate but i just know how one person would react. and this person is sometimes fulll of double standards. but i shall not blow it all up again cuz whatever youre supposed to be my close fren and all. andthen there are those who judge with themselves detached. im not sure what they;re really up to. well helllo grammar check! and then the one who doesnt even read so forget it screw u cuz most of the time u dont need us anw right. sickening. then the other one who erm brushes u away in face of lucrative benefits. yeah then another who is virtually nonexistent anyway so what the heck go read your book why must u be like that. then who else? yeah another jc forget it. err then me. yayy so ive actually been quite honest around here. hmmm. its only when i create controversy that i get attention if not im some pathetic thing trying to be different and doing silly things no? but then when ur other/new friends do the same thing suddenly its so cool. suddenly u listen to the music ive been trying to get u hoooked on. suddenly. you know how irritating its like i might as well not be there anyway. i was listening to kelly clarkson and now missy higgins. i really wish i could sing their songs and just bang some guitar on the floor and crash and burn for all of you to see. then maybe for once i will not be so invisible. of course i didnt start invisible cuz im quite outspoken u know so pple think im fine but then i somehow am less interesting and savoury. like i feel im plain bread as compared to the raisin-speckled croissants and what have you. so yeah im staple but u forget me and take me for granted most of the time so fine go then but then u look back and keep thinking yeah yeah i dont need it cuz somewhere else someone else is amazed by ur first time appeal, as i do to everyone. but no. swallow me and spit me out. this is almost therapeutic. i think i shld immerse myself in a permanent passtime. like for real. and for once i dont wanna think. one day im just gonna run away.... its strange sometimes right, i think of how one day i will commit suicide. i think of how its like to jump down. i imagine the feeling. then i touch wood just in case. then i think, wait this is wrong cuz u shldnt be having such thoughts. haha. i think im truly crazy at some point. bleah. i try to reinvent myself sometimes you know, mr perfect/ms perfect. but then im not special enough cuz lets face it i happen to belong to the majority. i blend in after awhile. plain bread is just plain bread even when u're gardenia who cares after awhile. its only when some of them get rejected or face some form of dejection that they come running back to the comfort zone, where im always waiting. so yeah im there but where were u when i needed something like that. people dont really see you u know. i wish i had a friend i could confide in for real but i dont! i just dont and its so depressing. same goes for family. i may have siblings but as good as none or one at times. and i dont know abt my parents i really dunno i just cant communicate with anyone right now. nowadays. i cld just shut up and be content but i will never be just remember that. i hate it how people travel differently at different speeds, and grow up differently. all of a sudden they just change and i dont know what they think. maybe i dont know pple well. no one really communicates fully with me except some old friends but then it stops there i dont really trust anyone i really dont but can u blame me given the type of atmosphere we all grew up in together in school? who do u want me to trust? someone once said that the reason why we cld talk to each other so well was because we didnt really know each other that well. u know what i think thats me. like there's this stage in between mere acquaintance and friendship that u are just semi clueless abt the other person and u two just hit it off. but gosh im so tired of that. even that didnt work out anyway. i really long for something i dunno lah. maybe im just being cranky again as im always right, cuz im always like this and always like that cuz im always so predictable and always make you rolll your eyes. right? always?!?!!?! go to hell i hate all these generalizations. just you know bugger off and propel twenty feet beyond the empire state building and crash into the windows and out far far away....go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go and then i know i wld have done that cuz after all i do have telekinetic powers so yeah listen to me now stupid. i shall kickass soon. heck lah this is such a crappy entry but somehow i cant be bothered already. hmm somehow im darn scared abt school from now on. like so much more to do. no more holiday mood and taking it easy. it is the mainstream hardcore stuff. i dunno what to do. help im stuck here for the next two years. let me find my place- soon. my real place a nest where i can roost comfortably and all. i hate to sound despo and since im publishing this like im despo and in need of attention and all but wth who isnt? admit it you freaks all of u dont want to be isolated and forsaken! ARGH tried reading history. ended up watching movies. return of the king and fellowship reminded me that i actually love the lord of the rings. i must watch the two towers. haha topsy turvy i know. how to deal was mediocre. if not for the two attractive leads and allison janney and that father in the OC guy. jakob the liar was a gem. i loved the music and the story was simple but meaningful, as holocaust films usually are. robin williams is tops, as usual. fabulous. it started off with this joke narrated: hitler goes to the fortune teller and asks when he will die. fortune teller: you will die on a jewish holiday. hitler: how do you know?! fortune teller: anyday you die will be a jewish holiday.... sigh, how lucky we are. yet sorrow is so constant and so kind. dead calm was silly cuz ive watched it before. nicole kidman was ugly in there im afraid. typical kidnap scenario not worth the time though im interested in the book. why the hell did she sleep with billy zane anyway that was so- cheap. the wild thornberrys was a joy. i loved it cuz it brought me back to the nickelodeon-im-a-kid kinda mood so yayy. loved debbie haha that sarcastic bimbo and of course eliza and nigel ahahah a joy really. did i mention i love animals too? surprisingly sita's happy which i havent heard in a long time was featured. strange cuz i was humming it to myself before i watched that. weird right how sometimes things happen and u think uve anticipated them, only to realize perhaps its just a mere coincidence. or is it? well only time will tell. i almost mentioned God until i realized i dont dare to. what will happen.... p.s. movies to watch: a walk to remember slap her, she's french! schindler's list big fish 2 fast 2 furious the two towers lion in winter +whatever Home Box Office shows. haha just found out what it stood for. p.p.s if u cant understand what ive been saying, for some people (as ive worked out in my head), its ok. for some others (calculated too), stop shaking ur head or rolling ur eyes or anything cuz its not funny and u think like im so lofty and all and self-piteous but ure wrong cuz maybe itsall ur fault to start with so dont distant urself and get back down and perhaps accept me for who i am and treat me like a friend. events coming up: zee's birthday 29 march huankiat's birthday 2 april aparna's birthday 8 april PPP soon avril's concert (bonez tour) 2 april mcconnell's 12th nite play 7 april quote of the week, in tribute to many: "when life throws you lemons, make lemonade". joke of the week: introducing nauseating names of ms spore universe 2005 contestants... crystal kang (jonathan kang's cousin, they look alike!) destiny ong (i'd like to see her shape her destiny) swyn teo (read swine) linderr jasni (...) edwyna tan (hahaahha) blyss chin (aeoh mah gawd) ling lee (alliteration in mandarin- so wrong) jing mok (jing heng's cousin, they look alike!) in this time and in this hour, i call upon the ancient power... leo: im an avatar piper: oh my god BOOM
8:49 AM
Thursday, March 24, 2005
the sound of white today was an emotional day. in fact, the past few days have been as such. so much for myself, much more for others. monday school was slack considering the teachers didnt really wanna do much. the whole week seemed slack, in prospect. tuesday came and it was posting. woke up at 3pm and checked. got rj. amidst my taking-it-for-granted-ness that was when i realized that pple like liyana, zul, yam, mag etc. didnt get what they wanted. panic! worry! stress! so came the appeals and most got thru im so happy for liyana esp when the odds seemed against her- the trend for arts was that humans students mostly got thru appeal. but mag is still struggling i really hope she gets to see hodge soon! it'll be alrite. i want her to know that and get that... wednesday was O2 and i was so enthu at first rocking to the band but then i realized that the magic just wasnt there. it was downhill from there. mass exodus. it really put our dodging and escaping skills to the test. a word on O2. O2 was doomed for failure from the start- Discuss. I agree with the statement to a large extent. 1) poor AV and yet nothing was done- without communication u are nothing. chaos takes over and discipline falters. 2) past legacy of 02- enough said. 3) uninspiring methods of leading- OGLs were GREAT people i know that (albeit some of them being horrifically revolting poseurs) but they just didnt click it. there was no real drive to push us to our limits, but even if there was, the fourth point being 4) j1s attitude- pple felt they cld slack off cuz its their frens after all. but imagine how they actually feel? humilated? disappointed? they worked really hard! but the results had to dismay them. i wld think that it wld be even more successful cuz we just have each other to play and mess around with. i was wrong. i must declare to those stubborn souls and ignorant fools that i am in no way a despot to my OG nor to 02. that is crap. how long can u smile and put up with it when ur OG is down to 3 pple? i left. felt redundant. foolish. much as i hated to lie to kevin and desert the remaining followers. i just cldnt. its not my fault damnit. and this is in no way some excuse so accept it freaks. and then comes the question of another fool who tried to argue that o2 is a good idea. i dont think so. go revise ur hmwk. the model answer states it was doomed frm the start. i empathize with my frens who are OGLs but the circumstances took over. there was nothing they could do. the pity comes in that they had to put on a smile. and diligently set up all the games and all. sigh. whatever for? half the school are ingrates. i will exclude myself from this term cuz i just followed my heart and at least i give a shit abt their feelings, unlike those crappers who just leave w/o flinching. suckers. u probably dont deserve to be in this school. u know how many GOOD pple appeal and didnt make it? all YOUR faults. taking up space. go to hell lah dont deserve it at all. if i cld pick the pple rj wld be a perfect place. i wld eliminate and eradicate: 1) excessively ostensive poseurs (who shld be shot cuz they dont use the mirror correctly) 2) stupid bimboic/himbotic despos who are unfortunately rich enough to pay (oops i meant PAVE) their way through $ and hyperlinks. 3) people who are their irritating selves without trying to stifle any offensive traits but still get accepted by the majority cuz they feel they are 'nice'. buckets for puking. irritating irritants who irritate irritatingly. im sorry if ure irritating at that moment ure gone to i wld freeze u if i cld. 4) people who have a self-instated and self-imposed sense of superiority over others- go to hell because I am the only one who has the right to feel that way so screw off you wannabe. kiss my raven black ass and wipe my ass with your shirt after that cuz ur not-so-rubious lips are dirt ratios. 5) basically anyone whom i dont like even if your face is horrid vamoose! i will orb u away. or smthing. my face is horrid but at least im trying to get plastic surgery done here so shut up and go do your own face in. if u cant then there's always the toilet bowl and its nice little depression. go hide it there the moisture might do it some good. now where was i. ok so today im so happy and so sad. so happy cuz i broke away from my og to take photos for storyline, which was perfect due to excellent performances and directions by dani, gwenlyn, just, jo, junyi, nash, huiwen, ying, zul, ronnie and of course crowd favourite cheng chai. mwhahaha im glad he cld revise some red cross stuff that was hilarious. the whole cast was amazing i thought they did the less-than spectacular script a great service and even lifted it up to a whole new standard. classic moments include nash's evil laughs- top notch, ronnie's coughing- im surprised his alveoli havent burst, ok joking, tho mine probably have, junyi's cool dude pose- this 'poseur' is welcomed anytime man haha, zul and pandy's dancing- mwhahaha, huiwen aka phoebe's funny wand movements and her 'light as the ocean' confession, ccc's drama entrance as the doctor/nurse with the long flowing sash headband and kicking the bucket, literally... so many more im glad i got them down on camera. good fight scenes and in front it was all funny to watch. too bad for the peeps at the back. prob cldnt hear sigh. oh yes we found out today that joycelene moonlights as a tuition teacher! huiwen actually got her cool! how small is the world? ok maybe just this country. word of the week: "unscrupulous" by goh junyi council alert! we interrupt you to inform u of your interview this monday bla bla bla. with what i typed above, all that shit which wasnt really me talking but my bad mood, i prob wont get thru. whee shant bother. just hope i dont forget. if they kick me out i wld be numb cuz right now i dont know whether i really want it or not. see how lah. oh yeah, world peace. speaking of which!!! Crystal Kang on Miss Spore Universe is Jonathan Kang's cousin! (cheeer) this came minutes after paparazzi correspondent clifton chiang stumbled into the headquarters with this news. so far, 50 pple know. please spread the word around to show our support for the Kang family thank you. back from commercials, carwash. it was supposed to be fun but in the end i had the worst time of the day. dunno why its probably my own fault. when i get irritable i snap at pple and stuff and become solo-fied. didnt talk much didnt play with water like them but i wish i cldve. i must be nicer and clear my mind next time. dont know whats getting to me. such instability is disgusting esp when u cant explain it yourself. then who's to blame in the end. because of that ive prob said a lot of nasty things today which i thoroughly regret. forgive me pple. flashback. whether u likemy blogging style is non of your business you freak. here i go again. coffee bean was fun!!! we shld do it more often!!! i really had the time of my life before today came and ruined all good thoughts in me. now im vengeful and angsty. i really felt comfortable and happy and honest there i miss u guys and the talking already. for that, even tho sometimes u guys can get on my nerves too (and vice versa, i know), thanks jonK, junyi and alan!!! hopefully one day we get more pple. but then quarrels might start again and all that childish cursing and bla bla bla. sometimes i wonder how many pple i can actually handle at one time. hmm alright. i realize i get jealous of others quite easily. envy is my vice. i dont even feel apologetic abt it just that i wanted to say it. i wish i cld be better. american idol wise, carrie underwood better not win and more imptly better not sell more than kelly clarkson, or i'll shave her. p.s. i know my hair sucks big time now wait for it to grow a little ok? one of these days ill settle with a hat. p.s. submitted my illustration for the NNI thing. hope i get it. p.s. dont judge me for this entry. you dont know who you're messing with. goodbye. when the going gets tough, the tough gets missy. The Sound Of White by Missy Higgins Like a freeze-dried rose, you will never be, what you were, what you were to me in memory. But if I listen to the dark, you'll embrace me like a star, envelope me, envelope me... If things get real for me down here, promise to take me to before you went away - if only for a day. If things get real for me down here, promise to take me back to the tune we played before you went away. And if I listen to, the sound of white, sometimes I hear your smile, and breath your light. Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white .. You're my mystery. One mystery. My mystery. One mystery. My silence solidifies, until that hollow void erases you, erases you so I can't feel at all. But if I never fell again, at least that nothingness will end the painful dream, of you and me... If things get real for me down here, promise to take me to before you went away, if only for a day. If things get real for me down here, promise to take me back to the tune we played before you went away. And if I listen to, the sound of white sometimes I hear your smile, and breath your light. Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white sometimes I hear your smile, and breath your light. And if I listen to, the sound of white. I knelt before some strangers face, I'd never have the courage or belief to trust this place, But I dropped my head, 'cos it felt like lead, And I'm sure I felt your fingers through my hair... And if I listen to, the sound of white sometimes I hear your smile, and breathe your light. Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white. The sound of white, The sound of white, The sound of white.
7:37 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
any day now I guess im moving on. I've been putting off blogging partly cuz i didnt wanna infringe on that meaningful video. and i mean meaningful. sometimes the song doesnt really strike u till it means something parallel in your life. oh well. i shall try. and if our footsteps shall ever meet, then what awkward sighs shall we remit? i shudder to think. and questions upon questions but still no answers, has given me time to give up. just a few poems from mikey: God-Forgotten by Thomas Hardy Thistles by Ted Hughes Daffodils by William Wordsworth so be inspired wth. i dont understand why econs essay must be 750 words and less. its castration. and i decided to stay potent thank you. hmm these few days will be a slack week. but i feel i cld be doing so much more. right now, i am in love with Missy Higgins. her songs melt me. my heart and my soul and my mind. could you leave me with a scar? alright im writing sporadically. posting was today and a shock for many. i made it, but to my frens who didnt, pls come back! we will miss you! pls let their appeals go thru! this is my prayer! i never thought i could feel so much for these pple, till the threat of separation looms. jonk called me hours ago. smthing abt the posting. we had a nice chat. i realize that only happens when he calls me and not the other way round. i wish pple could be more uniform in their feelings. like dont change on me just like that. you hear that? ok im not moving on. sigh. birthdays. and birthdays to come. shall work harder for history. and econs. and lit. and of course, maths. im amazed at my fiasco. but doesnt matter it will not happen again. i shall prove to joanne that i can do it. i must. sleeping late. i am so afraid it;ll make me sick again. please i dont want another sorethroat saga. that really hurt and seemed like eternity. i hope i get my zen micro soon. i hope its a red hot sexy one. i shant accept another. haha. then, i will have all the songs i like and ever liked and ever will like. woo hoo. my dream come true. but sigh... maybe im trying to hard to stand out. or sometimes, fit in. what am i so afraid of? maybe im afraid of it happening again. i realize im just trying to bring it back to this topic. so why not just blog abt it straight up u coward? i cant. ive already wrote down my thoughts. i guess im clear right now. so empty. and tired. any day now, the sun will shine. for i know it will and never fail to brighten the ill, warm the chill, someday, somehow. but when just will you draw the line tell me now and now what this is all about and why i miss and fail to kiss your unproclaiming mind.
11:19 AM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
fighter http://www.rcarecords.com/media/christina_aguilera/video/fighter_128.asx
8:07 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
because of you I will not make the same mistakes that you didI will not let myself cause my heart so much miseryI will not break the way you didYou fell so hardI've learned the hard way, to never let it get that farBecause of youI'll never stray too far from the sidewalkBecause of youI learned to play on the safe sideSo I don't get hurtBecause of youI find it hard to trustNot only me, but everyone around meBecause of youI am afraidI lose my wayAnd it's not too long before you point it outI cannot cryBecause you know that's weakness in your eyesI'm forced to fake a smile, a laughEvery day of my lifeMy heart can't possibly breakWhen it wasn't even whole to start withBecause of youI'll never stray too far from the sidewalkBecause of youI learned to play on the safe sideSo I don't get hurtBecause of youI find it hard to trustNot only me, but everyone around meBecause of youI am afraidI watched you dieI heard you cryEvery night in your sleepI was so youngYou should have known better than to lean on meYou never thought of anyone elseYou just saw your painAnd now I cryIn the middle of the nightFor the same damn thingBecause of youI'll never stray too far from the sidewalkBecause of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurtBecause of youI tried my hardest just to forget everythingBecause of youI don't know how to let anyone else inBecause of youI'm ashamed of my life because it's emptyBecause of youI am afraidBecause of youBecause of you
1:09 PM
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
autobiography
01. name: constantine mot yang yang
10:29 AM
borrowed heaven borrowed borrowed heaven borrowed borrowed heaven borrowed borrowed heaven borrowed borrowed heaven you gave me life i will give it back but before i do im gonna hold you tight this is my prayer this song is so inspiring. the whole album too, in fact. i listen and i become happy, sad, feel calm, uplifted, inspired, and relegated to a serene state of musical consciousness. i need to exhale all harmful spirits in me and breathe in new life. draw a fresh bout of air and let it rush through my bronchus and bronchioles and alveoli and finally, through my veins, joining the river of red that paves diligently through my body. but what i feel is bigger than my body, for it elevates me beyond the humdrum of life, giving me confidence for quiet, and time enough for tears. a solo silver strand strings me up to the heat of summer sunshine, where i can hideaway and say goodbye. it may be a long night, but even if the moon fell out of the sky, you light the ground, and i walk on. then i see, i see an angel, calling out to me: "baby be brave". and all at once, i know, im standing in borrowed heaven, the everlasting bliss. hee. well words take my mind away from it all. music does for sure. i really enjoyed myself at the class party yesterday at least i got out of the house and interacted with pple. haha. hmm. felt shitty for missing the art sculpture thing today cuz i dunno what to do now. im so behind already. fencing wasnt poke day after all. they keep delaying it i swear im gonna poke them. okay not funny BUT haha come friday i hope we get to kick some butt. i really wished i went to watch million dollar baby on monday. dont know what got into me. i mean, im never the one who pulls out of such outings. im always the one pulling pple along and calling up but i guess i cldnt keep on doing that. ha. well. glad the movie was great. that shldve made up for my absence. but i must really watch it one day. if its so moving, so splendid, then let me watch and cry! i wanna cry!!! right now i feel slightly perturbed that i havent completed all my homework. if i cant even finish such a simple task within a span of a few days, how am i supposed to take over the world?!?! i have big dreams! dreams that one day i will have magical powers. freeze things and move things and fire energy balls at pple...hmmm, dont blame me. blame starworld for their sporadic broadcasts of charmed that makes pple like me feeling deprived of the magical adrenalin. yesterday's episode was good anw. i guess i need my guardian angel now. alright, probably shall watch american idol on tape later. on to finish math and then start on econs essay. i must finish ok. lit essay too. so fri and the weekend i can have the luxury of reading and doing some history and if i have time- the lit anthology. i shall call mine- the simple life. haha. dont laugh, wait till you see it. sometimes, we tend to overlook the most simple things is life, and we really need to hear the owl call our name before we return back to the basics, the fundamentals, of life. i figure im not making sense. but a part of me tells me i am. *shrugs* p.s. i hate it that the other humans classes have nicer looking blogs. my always-acute-artistic sense tells me that ours really pales in comparison despite having a much brighter colour. we shld renovate! revamp! but with that said, i love the other classes too and i didnt mean to start a war. let's make love, not war! :] p.s. i am so glad im going to avril's concert. looks like i dont have many tickets though. so sucky. but really cant wait. oohh simple plan too! i guess whoever comes to us, whoever rawks. haha. we are a deprived island anw, being puny and all. yes there, ive made my first political statement. sue me if u want. in the heat of summer sunshine i miss you like nobody else in the heat of summer sunshine i kiss you and nobody needs to know
5:40 AM
Sunday, March 13, 2005
complicated sigh im so messed up. i dont even know what to think right now. why do i always feel so guilty after confrontation? why does friendship have to be so hard? what happened? i may never know. and then what? this will continue? why? hmmm. im dunno you know. im just confused and feeling lost. Uh Huh, life's like this Uh huh, uh huh Thats the way it is Cuz lifes like this Uh huh uh huh Thats the way it is Chill out Whatcha yellin' for? Lay backIt's all been done before And if you could only let it be you will see I like you the way you are When we're drivin' in your car And you're talkin' to me one-on-one But you've become Somebody else, round everyone else You're watchin' your back like you can't relax You're tryin' to be cool, you look like a fool to me Tell me Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're Actin' like you're somebody else gets me frustrated I life's like this you And you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get And you turn it into Honestly and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it No,no,noYou come over unannounced Dressed up like you're somethin' else Where you are and where its at you see You're makin' me laugh out, when you strike your pose, take off, all your preppy clothes! You know you're not fooling anyone when you've become Somebody else, round everyone elsewatchin' your back, like you can't relaxtryin'to be cool, you look like a fool to meTell meWhy'd you have to go and make things so complicated?I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else gets me frustrated Life's like this:and you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get And you turn it intoHonestly and promise meI'm never gonna find you fake itNo,no,no(no, no,no) No noChill outWhatcha yellin' for? Lay back it's all been done before And if you could only let it be, you will see Somebody else, round everyone else You're watchin' your back like you can't relax You're trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me Tell me Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you'reActin' like you're somebody else gets me frustrated life's like this youyou fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get And you turn it into Honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it No,no,no Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're Actin' like you're somebody else gets me frustrated Life's like this you and you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you getAnd you turn it into Honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it No,no,no Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're Actin' like you're somebody else gets me frustrated Life's like this youyou fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you getAnd you turn it into Honesty promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it No,no,no Avril Lavigne- Complicated
11:37 PM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind sigh. was just chatting online and one convo brought many memories back. in a weird way that is. i feel so bad i cant say anything but isnt that how it is sometimes? i still ask myself why why why but i really dont know the answer. the movie meant a lot cuz sometimes i really wanna forget some pple too. erase my memory. or will i be like joel, and realize that there's too much to lose, too much i want to hold on to? "oh my darling oh my darling..." clementine is such a nice name isnt it? :] Eloisa to Abelard In these deep solitudes and awful cells,Where heav'nly-pensive contemplation dwells,And ever-musing melancholy reigns;What means this tumult in a vestal's veins?Why rove my thoughts beyond this last retreat?Why feels my heart its long-forgotten heat?Yet, yet I love! — From Abelard it came,And Eloisa yet must kiss the name. Dear fatal name! rest ever unreveal'd,Nor pass these lips in holy silence seal'd.Hide it, my heart, within that close disguise,Where mix'd with God's, his lov'd idea lies:O write it not, my hand — the name appearsAlready written — wash it out, my tears!In vain lost Eloisa weeps and prays,Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys. Relentless walls! whose darksome round containsRepentant sighs, and voluntary pains:Ye rugged rocks! which holy knees have worn;Ye grots and caverns shagg'd with horrid thorn!Shrines! where their vigils pale-ey'd virgins keep,And pitying saints, whose statues learn to weep!Though cold like you, unmov'd, and silent grown,I have not yet forgot myself to stone.All is not Heav'n's while Abelard has part,Still rebel nature holds out half my heart;Nor pray'rs nor fasts its stubborn pulse restrain,Nor tears, for ages, taught to flow in vain. Soon as thy letters trembling I unclose,That well-known name awakens all my woes.Oh name for ever sad! for ever dear!Still breath'd in sighs, still usher'd with a tear.I tremble too, where'er my own I find,Some dire misfortune follows close behind.Line after line my gushing eyes o'erflow,Led through a sad variety of woe:Now warm in love, now with'ring in thy bloom,Lost in a convent's solitary gloom!There stern religion quench'd th' unwilling flame,There died the best of passions, love and fame. Yet write, oh write me all, that I may joinGriefs to thy griefs, and echo sighs to thine.Nor foes nor fortune take this pow'r away;And is my Abelard less kind than they?Tears still are mine, and those I need not spare,Love but demands what else were shed in pray'r;No happier task these faded eyes pursue;To read and weep is all they now can do. Then share thy pain, allow that sad relief;Ah, more than share it! give me all thy grief.Heav'n first taught letters for some wretch's aid,Some banish'd lover, or some captive maid;They live, they speak, they breathe what love inspires,Warm from the soul, and faithful to its fires,The virgin's wish without her fears impart,Excuse the blush, and pour out all the heart,Speed the soft intercourse from soul to soul,And waft a sigh from Indus to the Pole. Thou know'st how guiltless first I met thy flame,When Love approach'd me under Friendship's name;My fancy form'd thee of angelic kind,Some emanation of th' all-beauteous Mind.Those smiling eyes, attemp'ring ev'ry day,Shone sweetly lambent with celestial day.Guiltless I gaz'd; heav'n listen'd while you sung;And truths divine came mended from that tongue.From lips like those what precept fail'd to move?Too soon they taught me 'twas no sin to love.Back through the paths of pleasing sense I ran,Nor wish'd an Angel whom I lov'd a Man.Dim and remote the joys of saints I see;Nor envy them, that heav'n I lose for thee. How oft, when press'd to marriage, have I said,Curse on all laws but those which love has made!Love, free as air, at sight of human ties,Spreads his light wings, and in a moment flies,Let wealth, let honour, wait the wedded dame,August her deed, and sacred be her fame;Before true passion all those views remove,Fame, wealth, and honour! what are you to Love?The jealous God, when we profane his fires,Those restless passions in revenge inspires;And bids them make mistaken mortals groan,Who seek in love for aught but love alone.Should at my feet the world's great master fall,Himself, his throne, his world, I'd scorn 'em all:Not Caesar's empress would I deign to prove;No, make me mistress to the man I love;If there be yet another name more free,More fond than mistress, make me that to thee!Oh happy state! when souls each other draw,When love is liberty, and nature, law:All then is full, possessing, and possess'd,No craving void left aching in the breast:Ev'n thought meets thought, ere from the lips it part,And each warm wish springs mutual from the heart.This sure is bliss (if bliss on earth there be)And once the lot of Abelard and me. Alas, how chang'd! what sudden horrors rise!A naked lover bound and bleeding lies!Where, where was Eloise? her voice, her hand,Her poniard, had oppos'd the dire command.Barbarian, stay! that bloody stroke restrain;The crime was common, common be the pain.I can no more; by shame, by rage suppress'd,Let tears, and burning blushes speak the rest. Canst thou forget that sad, that solemn day,When victims at yon altar's foot we lay?Canst thou forget what tears that moment fell,When, warm in youth, I bade the world farewell?As with cold lips I kiss'd the sacred veil,The shrines all trembl'd, and the lamps grew pale:Heav'n scarce believ'd the conquest it survey'd,And saints with wonder heard the vows I made.Yet then, to those dread altars as I drew,Not on the Cross my eyes were fix'd, but you:Not grace, or zeal, love only was my call,And if I lose thy love, I lose my all.Come! with thy looks, thy words, relieve my woe;Those still at least are left thee to bestow.Still on that breast enamour'd let me lie,Still drink delicious poison from thy eye,Pant on thy lip, and to thy heart be press'd;Give all thou canst — and let me dream the rest.Ah no! instruct me other joys to prize,With other beauties charm my partial eyes,Full in my view set all the bright abode,And make my soul quit Abelard for God. Ah, think at least thy flock deserves thy care,Plants of thy hand, and children of thy pray'r.From the false world in early youth they fled,By thee to mountains, wilds, and deserts led.You rais'd these hallow'd walls; the desert smil'd,And Paradise was open'd in the wild.No weeping orphan saw his father's storesOur shrines irradiate, or emblaze the floors;No silver saints, by dying misers giv'n,Here brib'd the rage of ill-requited heav'n:But such plain roofs as piety could raise,And only vocal with the Maker's praise.In these lone walls (their days eternal bound)These moss-grown domes with spiry turrets crown'd,Where awful arches make a noonday night,And the dim windows shed a solemn light;Thy eyes diffus'd a reconciling ray,And gleams of glory brighten'd all the day.But now no face divine contentment wears,'Tis all blank sadness, or continual tears.See how the force of others' pray'rs I try,(O pious fraud of am'rous charity!)But why should I on others' pray'rs depend?Come thou, my father, brother, husband, friend!Ah let thy handmaid, sister, daughter move,And all those tender names in one, thy love!The darksome pines that o'er yon rocks reclin'dWave high, and murmur to the hollow wind,The wand'ring streams that shine between the hills,The grots that echo to the tinkling rills,The dying gales that pant upon the trees,The lakes that quiver to the curling breeze;No more these scenes my meditation aid,Or lull to rest the visionary maid.But o'er the twilight groves and dusky caves,Long-sounding aisles, and intermingled graves,Black Melancholy sits, and round her throwsA death-like silence, and a dread repose:Her gloomy presence saddens all the scene,Shades ev'ry flow'r, and darkens ev'ry green,Deepens the murmur of the falling floods,And breathes a browner horror on the woods. Yet here for ever, ever must I stay;Sad proof how well a lover can obey!Death, only death, can break the lasting chain;And here, ev'n then, shall my cold dust remain,Here all its frailties, all its flames resign,And wait till 'tis no sin to mix with thine. Ah wretch! believ'd the spouse of God in vain,Confess'd within the slave of love and man.Assist me, Heav'n! but whence arose that pray'r?Sprung it from piety, or from despair?Ev'n here, where frozen chastity retires,Love finds an altar for forbidden fires.I ought to grieve, but cannot what I ought;I mourn the lover, not lament the fault;I view my crime, but kindle at the view,Repent old pleasures, and solicit new;Now turn'd to Heav'n, I weep my past offence,Now think of thee, and curse my innocence.Of all affliction taught a lover yet,'Tis sure the hardest science to forget!How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense,And love th' offender, yet detest th' offence?How the dear object from the crime remove,Or how distinguish penitence from love?Unequal task! a passion to resign,For hearts so touch'd, so pierc'd, so lost as mine.Ere such a soul regains its peaceful state,How often must it love, how often hate!How often hope, despair, resent, regret,Conceal, disdain — do all things but forget.But let Heav'n seize it, all at once 'tis fir'd;Not touch'd, but rapt; not waken'd, but inspir'd!Oh come! oh teach me nature to subdue,Renounce my love, my life, myself — and you.Fill my fond heart with God alone, for heAlone can rival, can succeed to thee. How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!The world forgetting, by the world forgot.Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.Grace shines around her with serenest beams,And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,For her white virgins hymeneals sing,To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,And melts in visions of eternal day. Far other dreams my erring soul employ,Far other raptures, of unholy joy:When at the close of each sad, sorrowing day,Fancy restores what vengeance snatch'd away,Then conscience sleeps, and leaving nature free,All my loose soul unbounded springs to thee.Oh curs'd, dear horrors of all-conscious night!How glowing guilt exalts the keen delight!Provoking Daemons all restraint remove,And stir within me every source of love.I hear thee, view thee, gaze o'er all thy charms,And round thy phantom glue my clasping arms.I wake — no more I hear, no more I view,The phantom flies me, as unkind as you.I call aloud; it hears not what I say;I stretch my empty arms; it glides away.To dream once more I close my willing eyes;Ye soft illusions, dear deceits, arise!Alas, no more — methinks we wand'ring goThrough dreary wastes, and weep each other's woe,Where round some mould'ring tower pale ivy creeps,And low-brow'd rocks hang nodding o'er the deeps.Sudden you mount, you beckon from the skies;Clouds interpose, waves roar, and winds arise.I shriek, start up, the same sad prospect find,And wake to all the griefs I left behind. For thee the fates, severely kind, ordainA cool suspense from pleasure and from pain;Thy life a long, dead calm of fix'd repose;No pulse that riots, and no blood that glows.Still as the sea, ere winds were taught to blow,Or moving spirit bade the waters flow;Soft as the slumbers of a saint forgiv'n,And mild as opening gleams of promis'd heav'n. Come, Abelard! for what hast thou to dread?The torch of Venus burns not for the dead.Nature stands check'd; Religion disapproves;Ev'n thou art cold — yet Eloisa loves.Ah hopeless, lasting flames! like those that burnTo light the dead, and warm th' unfruitful urn. What scenes appear where'er I turn my view?The dear ideas, where I fly, pursue,Rise in the grove, before the altar rise,Stain all my soul, and wanton in my eyes.I waste the matin lamp in sighs for thee,Thy image steals between my God and me,Thy voice I seem in ev'ry hymn to hear,With ev'ry bead I drop too soft a tear.When from the censer clouds of fragrance roll,And swelling organs lift the rising soul,One thought of thee puts all the pomp to flight,Priests, tapers, temples, swim before my sight:In seas of flame my plunging soul is drown'd,While altars blaze, and angels tremble round. While prostrate here in humble grief I lie,Kind, virtuous drops just gath'ring in my eye,While praying, trembling, in the dust I roll,And dawning grace is op'ning on my soul:Come, if thou dar'st, all charming as thou art!Oppose thyself to Heav'n; dispute my heart;Come, with one glance of those deluding eyesBlot out each bright idea of the skies;Take back that grace, those sorrows, and those tears;Take back my fruitless penitence and pray'rs;Snatch me, just mounting, from the blest abode;Assist the fiends, and tear me from my God! No, fly me, fly me, far as pole from pole;Rise Alps between us! and whole oceans roll!Ah, come not, write not, think not once of me,Nor share one pang of all I felt for thee.Thy oaths I quit, thy memory resign;Forget, renounce me, hate whate'er was mine.Fair eyes, and tempting looks (which yet I view!)Long lov'd, ador'd ideas, all adieu!Oh Grace serene! oh virtue heav'nly fair!Divine oblivion of low-thoughted care!Fresh blooming hope, gay daughter of the sky!And faith, our early immortality!Enter, each mild, each amicable guest;Receive, and wrap me in eternal rest! See in her cell sad Eloisa spread,Propp'd on some tomb, a neighbour of the dead.In each low wind methinks a spirit calls,And more than echoes talk along the walls.Here, as I watch'd the dying lamps around,From yonder shrine I heard a hollow sound."Come, sister, come!" (it said, or seem'd to say)"Thy place is here, sad sister, come away!Once like thyself, I trembled, wept, and pray'd,Love's victim then, though now a sainted maid:But all is calm in this eternal sleep;Here grief forgets to groan, and love to weep,Ev'n superstition loses ev'ry fear:For God, not man, absolves our frailties here." I come, I come! prepare your roseate bow'rs,Celestial palms, and ever-blooming flow'rs.Thither, where sinners may have rest, I go,Where flames refin'd in breasts seraphic glow:Thou, Abelard! the last sad office pay,And smooth my passage to the realms of day;See my lips tremble, and my eye-balls roll,Suck my last breath, and catch my flying soul!Ah no — in sacred vestments may'st thou stand,The hallow'd taper trembling in thy hand,Present the cross before my lifted eye,Teach me at once, and learn of me to die.Ah then, thy once-lov'd Eloisa see!It will be then no crime to gaze on me.See from my cheek the transient roses fly!See the last sparkle languish in my eye!Till ev'ry motion, pulse, and breath be o'er;And ev'n my Abelard be lov'd no more.O Death all-eloquent! you only proveWhat dust we dote on, when 'tis man we love. Then too, when fate shall thy fair frame destroy,(That cause of all my guilt, and all my joy)In trance ecstatic may thy pangs be drown'd,Bright clouds descend, and angels watch thee round,From op'ning skies may streaming glories shine,And saints embrace thee with a love like mine. May one kind grave unite each hapless name,And graft my love immortal on thy fame!Then, ages hence, when all my woes are o'er,When this rebellious heart shall beat no more;If ever chance two wand'ring lovers bringsTo Paraclete's white walls and silver springs,O'er the pale marble shall they join their heads,And drink the falling tears each other sheds;Then sadly say, with mutual pity mov'd,"Oh may we never love as these have lov'd!" From the full choir when loud Hosannas rise,And swell the pomp of dreadful sacrifice,Amid that scene if some relenting eyeGlance on the stone where our cold relics lie,Devotion's self shall steal a thought from Heav'n,One human tear shall drop and be forgiv'n.And sure, if fate some future bard shall joinIn sad similitude of griefs to mine,Condemn'd whole years in absence to deplore,And image charms he must behold no more;Such if there be, who loves so long, so well;Let him our sad, our tender story tell;The well-sung woes will soothe my pensive ghost;He best can paint 'em, who shall feel 'em most. Alexander Pope
9:08 AM
Friday, March 11, 2005
a never ending sleep living in a nightmare a never ending sleep now that i am wide awake my chains are finally free dont feel sorry for me whee! another hectic week comes to a close. seems too fast. all of a sudden term 1 has ended. crazy i tell you. ive just been so tired recently anyhow. cant function properly. fencing and homework and artclub and ra mag and pe arent helping much either. they make life interesting, all these stuff, but sheesh is this what i want? a busy excitement? or should i just sit back and soak in the passing moments? ooh i dunno. plus with council i really dunno what it'll be like. jonk and i were saying smthing abt preparing for campaigning but think of it we might not even get to there. and do i really want it? i dunno. this brings me to pearls and politics. firstly, pearls has been booted so yayy for all those slackers and yayy still for those enthu ones. i dont think we shld do stuff just for points. itll all look good on the testi anw so heck. i want my life to be as enriching as possible. not gonna make the same mistake again. hmm. sigh. now on to politics. sticky politicky stuff going on how crap is that. and the thing is i didnt even see it coming! gosh for pete's sake everyone's a friend not a competitor. i think the each for his own theory is pure hogwash though it might have seemed so. i dont think not calling someone along means we are deliberately excluding him, thats for sure. anyhow, i just find it so ridiculous that we are trying to find clues to accuse each other of being pompous or being a loser or being a childish prick. all of that- SHUT UP. really. no that does not mean im angry cuz im not. im just tired haha. you know. so much messy stuff in a messy week and i mean- for what? no use right? come on! we didnt mean what you think. and for those who put down pple incessantly, yes i think that has got to stop cuz it doesnt help clear misunderstandings at all. just makes u more susceptible to accusations and flying daggers. better to be a precious pig than a pompous person. so really, i myself may have seemed bitter at the 'betrayal' of my own cuz of the 'not nominating' and all cuz i 'nominated you' and all but really deep down it didnt matter. to me i just found it puzzling. how come? you know, since we had an agreement. do i think he's selfish? no! do i look at him differently? no! only that i realize he is more ambitious than i thought (that's why we didnt ask him in the first place, see, not just a blind assumption) and i respect him more for that if anything. same goes for you too. i respect your determination but please dont let it be fueled by a mere lust for revenge or proving that you will outdo the other. its a crab vs the balloon fish with the sharp pincers and the thorny spines. the crab has a strong shell, thinking the balloon fish wants to poke it, while the balloon fish inflates, thinking the crab wants to pinch it. then what happens? the balloon fish becomes easier to poke cuz of large surface area and bursts like a balloon- all because he felt threatened by the scary red shield of the crab. so you see, under the sea, let's swim with the currents but never shall we turn into prey and predator. silly really. me too. im silly to have been caught up in that moment of excitement. sigh. if u think of it, its quite embarassing if this got out. its here for all to see, but at least i believe we are sorting it out. mature individuals- why shld we gou xin dou jiao and hu xiang qing ya? okay i cant believe i just rmbrd those cheem words but u get the drift. so lalala- let it be, let it be!!!! and also, i think that all the bitterness stems not onlyfrom that event itself, but from an ancient tension long existent between the two. never getting along cuz of conflicting ideologies and conflicting methods. its fine that you dont approve of each other but i dont see why not when the rest of us can accept u both. it is silly. are we kicking up a fuss just for the sake of doing so? if so, then quit it. not worth it. i should know. and what was the paranoid claim that that person was telling something to the other guy? its so freaky you know. irrational judgments taking over and blinding the mind. i really think it is time some remedy is applied. and only the two of you can do it. its obvious you two mind each other and i hear things from both of you abt each other and u know what? i agree to some extent so accept that we are not perfect ourselves and embrace!!! ok im drowzzzzy. had a meaningful last week of school and i guess it aptly wraps up term 1- no more honeymoon after this i guess. but anyhow, its still fun to have that ultimate frisbee pe lesson (aside from soccer again), kwok's birthday 'celebration' with all the singing and laughing and that last minute effort at a card, which turned out quite nice and appreciated by his colleagues hahaha...and then rolly's idiots-morons-scumbags-imbeciles game which was so spontaneous and suspense-filled and humourous and informative all at the same time whoah brain wave of excitment really really cool week! i found myself having more discipline in class. still trying to pay close attention to reeves and kwok and i find it paying off cuz we learn a lot. though kwok disappoints by saying much of what's already in his very comprehensive notes. hmmm. finally completed the silas marner video too and everybody agreed that Eppie was just so cute as a baby hahaha. perry didnt really do much this week but she was real nice, as usual. cant wait for her to return all the work we've done. in fact, cant wait for all the teachers to return any work we've done, even ms. lui with her math test haha. how interesting. that math test i wld be thankful to get over 20. and hmmm mcconnell is really opening up as a genuinely nice man though he seems stricter but really i guess the teachers are mostly fussy but once u follow their rules they tend to become more lax and familiar with you they become friendly and all so warm. cant wait to see mcconnell perform in 12th Nite haha that wld be a show not to be missed! oh! and avril! and simple plan! so many stuff to watch, to do! the art sculpture competition! art club noticeboard! math hmwk! hist hmwk! econs essay! othello essay! ra mag design! ra mag article! read silas marner (oops)! read great expectations! read Economist(s)! oh freak i really have so much to do! plus o2 storyline! plus going out class party and og outing and movie/tabletennis/badminton with secschool frens and stuff freak so much to do one week is just too little time. haha alright i solemnly promise not to procrastinate and i will thoroughly enjoy myself this holiday while completing excellent work in excellent time! so much for positivity! go man! p.s. went back to ri track n field meet today and the atmosphere was fantastic- homely and all and sigh i wish i was part of it. cldnt help feeling like an outsider intruding in on their precious space but haha had fun anyhow just watching and supporting and sharing the thrill with ms grace and mrs chong and some others of the comm and the whole moor house in fact. in the end moor clinched second! not too shabby considering its an improvement right?!?! bayley shattered hullet's record by winning the championship. oh well, moor will rise to the occasion. in time to come, we shall win again, go moor!!! really glad how spirited the current comm is i guess all the psyching up helped us win as well. i mean, if the psycho part isnt there, there aint no winning fer ya! haha! whee! i wanna get those moor tshirts anw damn cool the other houses also exceptionally nice designs. buckley and bayley got bandannas haha copycats! alright after that i skipped fencing yet again cuz it was too late to go take attendance so i scooted home in the bus after talking to jonK along the way to j8. haha. sigh. let's go out soon guys! cant wait for social gatherings in the hols. i love my class a lot now i dont want it to change really. :] you guys simply rawk lah i dont know what i wld do without u. let's just not get sick of each other and allow the spirit to die out! p.s. with all that said, i have finally blogged a long entry and am currently tired but still alert enough to type this little trivia composition of mine own: The Ashlee Simpson Sentence "There is nothing new about your unreachable autobiography casting an undiscovered shadow on the pieces of me, so before you start giving it all away and making it harder everyday, please love me for me as lala and not love makes the world go round, and i'm better off having to surrender to you." oh yeah! i love ashleeeee for her dazzling green eyes. too sexyyy and wayyy too cute....
7:01 AM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Mot's Midnight Mishaps Mot went to RP camp today and had a blast. Mot feels the people seem nice and hopes to get to know them better. Mot is worried about the fate of his CCAs, where currently only AC and RP are confirmed. What does Mot want? Mot does not know. Anyway, Mot has a lot of homework to take his mind away. Having slept at 3am yesterday, Mot came back and slept from 6-11pm. Ate dinner-crystal jade dimsum!- and started work. By the way, Mot got roped into doing choreography for O2 storyline and bannerpainting. Mot is excited. Having done kwok's essay at 2327 words and stoning at 3am- boredom creeps in. Mot knows he has a rolly essay due too but he is still not sleeping. Mot is not one who easily learns from his past mistakes. Mot moves the mouse (cool alliteration eh?) and chances upon aparna's blog. Mot is bored so he takes the slang generator. Mot gives you the enlightening results of me, myself and mot. Sam Jo adj. outrageous but not cute."I need a Sam Jo pet animal, and I need it now, kid." Sang Zu n. a particularly fake party."Did you have sex with the last sang zu, officer?" Yang Yang v. (vulgar) to make fun of someone."Yang yang and you'll regret it, Billie." Constantine n. an inquiry of health, and confirmation of same."Hey there, fool - constantine?" "Constantine." Mot v. to intentionally understand a radio."Why do you Mot, Jackie?" Tom n. violence."What's with the Tom, Jesse?" yOjO adj. superior but not colourful."Man, you're so yojo." Jo n. an exclamation of surprise."Jo!" Jojo n. mid-nineties term for clothes."I'm gonna love your jojo, Reggie." Sam adj. high-quality but not loud."Are you as sam as I am, man?" Jeremy n. mid-eighties term for friends."I'm gonna cheat on your jeremy, Shana." Jamie n. a type of piercing."Brian, can I shout at your Jamie?" "Sure you can, dawg." Mot detests that you actually think he is narcissistic. Therefore, Mot decides to be funny. rolly n. drugs without ecstasy."Got some rolly?" "Yeah, I'm your man for rolly, bud." rollason n. someone who flaunts boys."Buddy, check out that rollason's boys!" edmund kwok n. a good or cute car."I'm gonna see your edmund kwok, Brian." mcconnell adj. unable to laugh at drugs."What do you think of that girl, officer?" "She's mcconnell!" nicola adj. likely to have sex with chart music."Check out my nicola video!" nash adj. ostentatious."I wish my mobile phone was nash." alan v. to hate something in a desirable fashion."Alan and you'll regret it, Jesse." quilindo interj. a statement of strong disagreement."Bud, can I trip over your girl?" "Quilindo!" sex adj. fake."Grandma, you're so sex." penis n. a club which the speaker wants to shout at."I'm gonna shout at your penis, dude." vagina adj. likely to trip over violence."Someone dosed her drink and now she's vagina." bishan baby v. to dance with things, with no purpose or reason."I'm gonna go and bishan baby, my friend." shanghai sexy adj. fake or big."Check out my shanghai sexy teacher!" penang pussy n. breasts."I'm gonna trip over your penang pussy, Sally." ... adj. overly fond of buttocks."I'm feeling ... tonight, dude." zee n. an inquiry of health, and confirmation of same."Hey there, bud - zee?" "Zee." bernasty n. a person with more than one woman."Shana, that bernasty is sexy!" cheng chai interj. a statement of agreement."Billy, shall we inject drugs into some porn?" "Cheng chai!" Jonky v. to become nice."Dad, I really need to jonky." courtesy of http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slang Mwhahahaha! Mot apologizes for any offence taken. Mot is usually more sober and innocent and cute than this. Meanwhile, Stefanie Sun sweetly serenades Mot. (alliteration, again) Mot shall sleep soon. (alliteration!) I love Mot. Mot is so cute man. To be continued...
11:20 AM
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
JAE think of me think of me waking silent and resigned think of me trying to hard to put you from my mind recall those days look back on all those times think of the things we'll never do there will never be a day when i wont think of you... hey JAE is one screwed up bitch. and somehow i dont make apologies for this sudden surge of angst. i think i just made my point clear on my class blog but ARGH for emphasis here it is: JAE you are slow and inefficient! please spare us the torture and sort yourself out soon thank you. this is really frustrating if we cant do this we cant go JC? then how? all your fault! i dont know why im stressing right now. even when JAE's last day is on friday and the essays are extended to monday. just feel i cant catch up all of a sudden. so tired. i didnt even bother watching amazing race. what's happening to me?!?! p.s. the phantom soundtrack grows on me once again... christine you must have been dreaming stories like this cant come true christine you're talking in riddles and its not like you...
7:36 AM
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
phew PHEW! actually this is a very belated sigh of relief, but nevertheless! i am so thankful and so grateful and really i dont know if i really deserve it but this is certainly what i wanted. maybe even more than what i wanted! and to think i was so nervous. superstitious too. i must thank mrs koh for allaying my worries the moment i stepped into the hall. and dear tanph smiled at me and then i realized i got a1 for higher chinese! haha! can u imagine that?! i wasnt even expecting an a honestly. well- so all in all i did well and i guess all that hard work paid off. have i mentioned im thankful? haha! the only slight blemish in my record is a2 for amath, which then again, i didnt expect to get above a b3 for! i know ive let down my math teachers since for the majority amath is a nobrainer-surea1 kinda subject. but oh well- i improved! and for what it's worth that's all that matters to me :] i guess my parents are quite happy and my mom is considerably unabashed abt displaying her pride. glee. and i have the feeling all of my relatives know already. haha. its not as if im the top student. so i dont take to all that congrats too well. becomes so uncomfortable after awhile. but i will tide through it, for its a cause to be happy! i shldnt be complaining! oh and why do i get the feeling that if i ask for an ipod/zen micro now- i will get it? haha. oh i dunno. somehow life has been so kind to me i dont know what to say except thank you and feel so over the moon within. on cloud nine, nothing makes sense. you are just blissful. well...alright, ive made it clear enough. shall not lala in public anymore. erm...for what it's worth, i guess its been cool having so many pple in celebratory mood after results but also quite diminishing to have quite a few who are unsatisfied. some are even devastated. sigh i really dunno this is so complicated isnt it? i guess results arent so important after all. that's what ive learnt. i mean so what. as long as u are happy with life as a whole u can change and adapt and be content. i wish i were an overachiever but im not. and am i happy, well for achievements wise, yes. somehow im not greedy. just enthusiastic. alright, life awaits me to live. i shant waste this away. and if u think suicidal is the way to go, you are wrong. p.s. my grandfather just called me sigh this is so weird everytime i talk to him. dont have much to say anyway. but well, thank you. and to everyone too. whee! you can dance, you can jive having the time of your life see that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen... p.s. oh yes and how can i forget to thank all my teachers anyway. for their guidance and stuff. ,i will be back teachers' day!!! as i promised mrs koh...and mrs ng for kindly treating us at Dome. i never knew she was so gossipy but well...haha. hope she finds her happiness in children soon! and speaking of which- congratulations ms kelly! may your baby arrive earlier maybe jun19? haha yeah great news perfect way to end off a happy entry eh? till then!
12:22 AM
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