otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009

Tuesday, December 25, 2007
stand still, look pretty

xmas at xtine's came back for a second year last sunday and it was swell even though the rained threatened to, well, rain on our barbecue parade. spent most of the earlier part trying to complete my last minute christmas cards but in the end i triumphed- not in time for lyl though, who decided to leave early- what a bugger. everyone was in happy, high spirits- some back from a new home miles away, a different continent, some local 'regulars', some fellow new officers...whatever the case...all still very happy to see each other because frankly we cant get enough of one another haha. oh and i finally got to see xtine's house and invade her room. super cosy. a room of one's own. she also decided it was time to gimme an xmas gift from last year (i feel bad for not reciprocating)- a small jar of marmalade (which unfortunately expired in april) and a button magnet which read: BREATHE DEEPLY. oh christine- "the whole world loves her and, has to have her"

everyone was looking positively radiant. the turn up was actually quite reassuring and it was just so easy talking to everyone- like we never left school at all. well i guess to a large extent we're all still jc students in our hearts- nobody really wanted it to end anyway. after the charred food we made our way up to xtine's apartment for dessert- namely superb ice cream from trix, a cake which ramu bought, and wine from snee. i think im addicted to rum and raisin ice cream now.

after some bumming around and a little bit of america's got talent on the telly i made my quiet way back home on two buses. 156 almost didnt come- but having served me so well along the same route for 6 years, i guess i knew it wouldnt let me down. caught the last bus home, appreciated the xmas lightings at pandan valley, and almost didnt wake up in time for gawin's dimsum lunch the next day.

i think i might like
the quiet nights
of this empty life

gawin always pours in the best gossip in town- but it was definitely nice meeting him for other reasons, of course. catching up was great, and so was the food- although im more of a whatever-tastes-good person rather than an i-want-my-cantonese-food-authentic guy as gawin is. once again, the world is small, so i bumped into glen chiang whom i have regretfully failed to meet up with all this while. trooped my way to cityhall after that to shop for a last minute present before meeting up with the guys. because the world decided to shrink even more what with globalization and global warming, we bumped into shibani and evie at canele! in an effort to dispel my embarassing same-clothes gaffe from their memories i hastily squeezed out two xmas cards for them. but to be honest i enjoyed the spontaneity. just like how jan and i walked into marks and spencer and came out with my cards and biscuits which i so very kindly treated. it's christmas everybody! no time for scrooge.

anyway we exchanged presents quite quickly and jonk surprised me once again by giving me the hitchhiker's guide book. wooohooo! whenever i get down to proper reading im gonna have a heyday. anyway we spent most of the outing eating. next stop was soup spoon, where we saw a certain singaporean celebrity dressed like a tasteless newurbanmale and i bumped (because the world is really more puny than small) into valerie! i guess it's a good thing that i could recognize her. zee got a music-themed gift combo from me (oh how i like to overrate my creations and embellish it so- but like it said it's christmas! what's life without a truckload of decorations and unnecessary distractions?)- a singing dancing santa and a maroon 5 cd for the music explorer in him. most disturbingly we stopped by ben&jerry's for yet another binging session after that, where joyce was chatting with her friend because the world is really running out of space, and where evie happened to be on shift :] extra large scoops we got!

we whiled our time away saying extremely bad things about alan the absent (i hope you are reading this, dude. haha) and before we knew it it was time for jonk to leave for his family thing. next stop was hmv and as a belated gesture of both kinds zee and i bought celine dion's las vegas dvd for nash the rash. i still insist that taking chances is her best song to date but then again i never really considered myself a fan of hers. not even the paper kind. but the wreckers! oh thanks so much zee for that splendid belated bday gift. yes i chose it myself haha. so that makes two new country albums for christmas this year. dad got me carrie underwood- whom ive always been wary about. but we shall see! new music is always welcome.

lingzhi veggie restaurant. chengchai could finally eat freely, without qualms, and the atmosphere was perfect. our own little private table. comfy sofa seats and avant garde backdrops. i actually enjoyed the food- too bad there wasnt more to go around. when we got to united square everything was closed- so much for christmas shopping, but there was this new ice cream place called, much to nash's delight, Udders- and i indulged in more rum and raisin :]

for some reason we never tire of sleepovers although when you think carefully about it we never quite accomplish more than a dozen youtube videos, a movie maybe, and some good conversation. a tick each for all of the above- we (or rather, i) finally watched Undiscovered, and i must say it wasnt quite well worth the wait but i still enjoyed it nonetheless. ashlee simpson rocks lah okay stop arguing with me. they weren't the best fellow movie goers for this particular one (given their inherent prejudice) but i suppose i will still thank zee nash and cc for attempting to watch this with me. i hated saying goodbye when the one night stand ended, but i guess im finding it easier to do so nowadays. not because anything matters less...but rather, on the contrary, because i have confidence that the 'goodbye's gonna be more temporary than ever.

by the time i made it to my family party the fatigue was setting in quite painfully so i spent most of it sleeping on my aunt's bed together with some of my other tired cousins. haha. when i woke up there were only 3 hours of christmas day left. i spent most of it looking at the face of time (and wishing it would stop)- youth. my cousin's little toddler, finding his own cheerful way in this world he probably thinks is humongous (but will probably grow up to discover otherwise, as i have). and then i thought about all the things that made this year. that made it happen. and i guess i will look back with a smile on the heart. i dont think i could ever do it all over again.
the food was a feast though.

i am still fully booked (and happily so) till the end of my leave this friday. even for the weekend actually. facebook is about the only thing that i can make exceptions/openings for. how i wish everything could be expressed in pictures. i guess you know im joking, though, seriously, i think i am hooked.

merry christmas little world.

9:07 AM

Saturday, December 22, 2007
a day with the bees

so i was closing my eyes, hoping that by the time i woke up the train would be at my station and i could happily head home, touch down on the pillow and make my cold go away, for good. the door opens, something damp and furry brushes past my calf and i open my eyes only to see...a DOG- on the MRT- running frantically in the opposite direction from it's even more frantic pursuers (which comprised the owner and the purple-uniformed mrt staff). by the time it came sprinting back towards me it looked like it was actually having fun in this game of tag- the woman across me was petrified white, and clearly not amused when they started wrestling with poor wellington on the floor- it was then that i noticed how this dog was a perfect shade of golden brown. almost like, a hash brown. i would have taken a photo but my reflexes were no match for this hyperactive canine. plus i was in a bit of a daze- still in a state of half-belief and still itching pathetically in the nose.

other than the dust that got just about everyone in the room sneezing by the end of the night, shibani's house was fantastic. we just felt so at home lazing about under her sheets, throwing random soft toys that went 'boing', eating krispy kremes, or krispy kringles as they call them during this season, munching on cupcakes that looked like the ones claire bennett made on heroes (they are actually having a heroes party next week how cool is that), listening to her dog bark disapprovingly at us, chomping on pizza, playing non-19 year old games (including og games and pictionary junior) but still getting a kick out of it, watching random videos on youtube etc. really glad i got the opportunity to crash in on 1b's gathering- cant say i felt out of place though- they were all so warm and welcoming. as for the indecisiveness and such, let's just say- what's new? i think every class suffers from that chronic symptom. so for a fun loving day with fun loving people, i thank 1b for the generous hospitality. and i must apologize to rich&zhenghao for not making the bbq in the end. i think i wouldve collapsed by the time i made it to tampines. but let's do it next time please!

today i will be seeing more familiar faces...1a's turn! i cannot wait, but i also must find a way not to go empty handed. ah bummer. but at least all this feels like christmas. and that makes me very merry, indeed.

11:27 PM

Friday, December 21, 2007
little wonders

today i woke up a very light and pleasant person. the sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, everything was nice and easy. a few things threatened to turn things around. dead fish (now fishes) in the tank, butterfly flying out from slippers, car accident outside pandan valley. the sound of horns. the demonic dispersal of debris. the wanton smashup.

but then i chose to distance myself from it all and, for the first time in such a long time, i took the overhead bridge. it was like, looking down on human folly- for once, then, nothing. on the bus, everybody seemed contented to have something other than their handphones to look at. the spectacle beyond the window, out there in the baking sun- i didnt think they quite understood it as well as i did. some third parties just...know better. in a way i tried to claim ownership over that (beautiful) disaster. red on blue. or was it blue on red? that's something i'll never know. but id still like to think that i have something to say about it.

borders is a freaky place. and the world is, as xtine would put it, 'terribly small'. but i enjoy such pleasant surprises. meeting up with snee this afternoon, we bumped into shumin! and a few seconds into our newly inspired conversation we saw...uglen! plus may i mention it was the exact same spot in borders that i met trixia about one year ago and we took that photo and the woman told us no photos were allowed. heck, we took another photo this time round anyway. nobody said anything. you cannot deny destiny! my aunty AND my cousin. sitting beside jenny. russellchen on that same spot. so many people, too many coincidences- i love it.

walking out of borders shumin and snee chanced upon their ex-teacher. after a wonderful tea time chat at marmalade pantry (shumin's the bomb- welcome back!) snee and i trooped around town and in our own walk of 'destiny' came across a certain matthewleehao across the parallel lido escalators- we werent even watching a movie! serendipity at it's very best. okay wrong word maybe, but you get the drift.

anyway snee was a huge pleasure to talk to. thanks for brightening up my afternoon. may silversurfer get well really soon and may you get all your data back.

took a solo bus ride home- waiting time was ridiculous- stopped by holland v to pick up dinner. something about that feeling of independence on a rainy day, going back to an empty house all to myself that made me quite pleased with the way the day turned out. not spectacular, considering i started it at noon, but still, twas divine.

photos make me happy. there's no two ways about that. shall go feast my eyes once again, and procrastinate with the things-i-ought-to-do.

6:53 AM

Thursday, December 20, 2007
the blue ball

the salmon was not so good after all. but everything else was great :]

i think last night everyone was happy, or at least they looked happy, which is always a good thing. now that it is over, complete with the anti-climatic feel at the end, i am back to being just a little bit empty inside. but the memories live on.

congratulations to me for conscientiously planning out my day's schedule, only to wake up at 3pm and have no choice but to throw half of it away. well i did not get the blue shoes after all, but thankfully our outfits matched- which i eventually became pretty obsessed about. anyway it's always nice spending time with sarah, and considering she spent half the time on stage and went home with possibly the most 'awards', im guessing it was both fun and tiring for her. haha. all the girls were pretty sporting i must say. just looking at the photos makes me smile.

really great seeing familiar faces all around. for some, maybe the last time, you never know. what disturbs me is nobody really knows the details for reporting and all. everything's just a blur for what lies ahead. but i guess a part of me is much better off not knowing.

the music, we all agreed, was horrible. it went from techno-nursery rhymes to canto-techno beats and eventually a warped version of scissor sisters (read: bootleg). the food was for some reason almost identical to acpc dining in- im not sure if it was deliberate but haha i guess the company was good enough for none of that to matter.

i had a lot of fun. there i said it. i guess ive always held back saying something like that just in case something better comes along, but i just have to be honest with myself sometimes. it was a fine evening. plus sleeping till 3pm that same day meant that i didnt feel tired at all, not even after that when the group of us (zhenghao valerie rich aysuria edwin evie mark stef chinks nina) headed to cafe iguana for some magaritas. mark was pretty wasted by the time we were done, and i have photos to prove my point, haha. stef the poor girl puked all over the bushes- i hope she's feeling better now. i still owe you your snake! and apple pie!

so, to a great night, and hopefully more of such to come, i offer a toast of top 10 anti-climaxes:
1) majlennon came down with chicken pox! (i wonder what feifan did)
2) "god put a pimple upon my face"
3) cafe iguana (bad service) rushes us for our order and the bill and closes on us.
4) darren ye decides that after making us walk all over fox/levis/puma/g2000/fcuk/zara/johnlittle etc. he would NOT wear the corduroy pants.
5) they gave us tic-tac-toe boardgames for shaking our booties on stage.
6) victor's iphone did not win us table prize. like HELLO it's an IPHONE.
7) no lucky draw prize for me. haha but everyone else was lucky!
8) edwin sprains his ankle and remains immobile for most of the dinner.
9) mark lim gets the exact same new camera as me- canonixus860is- save for the black trim.
10) we missed our bus stop and had to walk back to clarke quay.

alright i shall troop down to town and catch snee. will figure out how to upload photos from the new cam soon. if you are reading this i probably need to catch up with you before my leave ends next week so get in touch yeah?

what do you say to taking chances?
what do you say to jumping off the edge?
never knowing if there's solid ground below
a hand to hold
or hell to pay
what do you say?

9:22 PM

Wednesday, December 19, 2007
outta my head

i know this is terribly random but alan just told me on msn that jamie lynn spears is pregnant. what the heck. the girl's 16. she's gonna be a mom by 17. how do you live a life like that? or does just asking that question make me an insensitive chauvanist? but i refuse to be faulted at bemoaning not so much the choices some people make in their lives, but rather how their lives are exploited by those around them- the media. what i found most disturbing during my reliable wiki research was this: The father is Casey Aldridge, whom she met through church.
ha! church indeed.

anyway, enough big happenings on the homefront to deal with, so all this worldly news will have to wait till i have the appetite for them. commissioning last saturday. it was a blast. i mean just the fact that it's over already- i still can't seem to process it right. where did all those weeks of toiling and training go? suddenly, what seemed like the biggest challenge of a lifetime has been downsized to a few photos, and very fond, deep memories nonetheless. putting on that rank hasn't kicked in yet- i don't feel any different, we are all still learning, still growing, still seeking our way in the dark- except now we've learnt how to do without the eyes and dare to take that step forward. all i really wanna day is, i miss all of it already. on that parade square, a part of me was wishing that it would never end. but it did, as all good things do, and now all i have is another chapter to close, another new path to tread. after comms ball tmr, we will be really really going our separate ways, won't we? i think i will miss my bunk the most.

why do i adore alan so much? because sometimes he does this.
a£an. you and jupiter and venus says:
you and me we can ride on an ashleestar
HAHAHAHA. GREAT song by Take That by the way- very inspired by the closing credits of stardust. which also reminds me of my duty to inform all netizens that ashlee's new video is out so go watch it now! her most creative by far- better than shadow in some respects, and that's a lot coming from me!

anyway signals is really scary. today when i was out with chang and darren scouting for clothes we bumped into a medic AND a lta. both from stagmont. i might have thought we were being stalked but then again each of us bumped into one other person we knew. justin his senior. darren his non-blood aunty. and i saw wanqing! so my only reasonable conclusion is that singapore is just a very small country and this IS a small world after all. i shant even launch into the 6 degrees of separation thing. unless you can tell me how i can get to ashlee simpson in a matter of 6 people.

speaking of which, i cant wait for switchfoot and maroon 5! aaaaahhhhhhh. i need a good concert to feel young again. the last one was xtina aguilera, on the eve of brunei, so the mood was a little sickening, but still had great company in the form of xtine and terence :] but this time....oh man im gonna go mental. just you wait. and if all goes well i can catch sharapova at the end of this year too. whee!

i have come to realize that i might be just another shallow hollywood lusting lad but id like to think it's all about character building and finding my way in this similarly shallow and lustful world that never fails to offer those like me a double-edged source of never ending demoralization and hope. issues...i have issues.

well with the dawn of a new day i hope i have the strength to be more mature and earn my way from there. it's all i ever wanted anyway. i just want to be suitably satisfied with what i do- gain that sense of accomplishment and then im a happy person.

nice seeing some of the class on saturday. really glad xtine jean and elly came. hopefully more will turn up at the xmas @ xtine's this year. breakfast was such a peaceful affair. like we were all at peace with the world. i wish xtine would get over her phobia though. met up with the guys after that for lunch. deplorable (in the words of gawin) service but food was not too bad. during dessert cedele pulled a fast one on us and RAN OUT OF ICE CREAM. if it weren't for our quiet contentment with our company we would have boycotted what could possibly be the biggest anti-climax of the year.

did you know that sarah can really dance? im saying that in awe. the performance was great. extremely creative. im glad i went, even though it got a bit lonely and quiet. had a lot of lone time these few days. i wish i knew how to spend it better, though. it's almost like wasting a moment.

after days and hours at black angus (where the bunk met zhenghao's formidable sister), coffee club (where the service was again too good to be true), and rafflescity/citylink/marinasquare, i am officially done with beef, turkey and corduroy pants. at least for the next few days.

salmon, here i come.

9:39 AM

Saturday, December 08, 2007
leaves are coming down

You see I thought that I would get down to this sooner- but I guess I was wrong, as I am on a lot of things, I have realized.

In a span of 38 weeks or 9 months I have come so far in a journey that started out completely different from where it will be ending in about a week. That's right, we're down to about a single digit on the day counter.

Where have I been? What have I been doing? Well, that's like asking a polar bear for directions and kissing the floor with your ass. If I could I would stand atop a super skyscraper and spread my arms like they were wings but instead of flight, I'd attain an acquired composure through the most unstable of methods. Yelling at the top of my lungs, till I'm out of breath. Twisting my feet all over the place, and yearning for someone do do that with me. Making belief, just to try to see if I could be happier than I already am.

I do not think I am happy, but yet I know I am. There is a strangeness in the knowledge of uncertainty in my life- a false sense of security that somehow gives the the very strength I need to counter it, work against it, and make my life REAL. To place myself back behind the wheel and steer myself in the right direction. What's next?

"It's October again, leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing has changed at all"

Today I sit here trying to think back on that empty space between this entry and the one below, but call it anything but empty. I have gone through so much- but have I changed? I don't think so. What I have achieved is a new perspective on things. Things which are till this day very vague. Very intangible. And I love it. Because this is what I want my life to be like. (Sometimes anyway) A rush of blood to the head, a blurring of vision, a gust of hair tussling wind sweeping you off your feet...and getting up with the help of your numb (and slightly shrivelled) hands, you find yourself teleported, of sorts, and of course, you don't know how, but then again, you've always secretly known that you had the ability to do such...things.

"I think I'll tryyyyyyyyy
Defying Gravity"

One year- and I am finally done with Orhan Pamuk's Istanbul. In some ways it was a difficult read, mostly because I always found the right excuses to distract myself from it. Still, I'm glad I made it through. The end was blissful. In some sense abrupt, but it was ultimately life-changing and for me, it connected in more ways than one. How uncanny as I thumbed my way through the pages finding more and more in common with him. Melancholy. Artist. Scavenger. Defeated Sibling. Writer. Intellectual Existentialist. Abstract Daydreams etc. And a whole lot more that is yet unwritten.

Unlike the chapters in the book, my own pages have left behind those whom I have not bothered to speak to or meet up with in the last portion of eternity. For that I can only feel sorry for the transient capacity of my good nature, and indeed, that of nature itself. I have seen and heard myself make the wrong moves, wrong decisions, but I have also given myself so much to believe in. Even more can be said of the people around me in recent times. I thank them for being there when I needed company the most, and even when I dreaded it, they still hung around to remind me that I'm not and never will be an island. Good has transpired, shit has happened, but life is peaceful, and everything's cool now. Maybe this breeze I feel is but the harbinger of a new storm, but at least now I know how to kiss the rain.

"Let me feel
I don't care if I break down
Let me fall
Even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I've lived
Just a little"

I will be back with more soon. Need to snap outta this midnight mood mode. Yeah, I'm blogging again dude.

8:47 AM