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Mot, Myself and Me Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato. Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar
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from exit to exit CREATEUR ALLEY Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing Yesterdays January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009
Sunday, December 03, 2006
rock steady I got my bags packed baby and I'm ready to go Look at my eyes rock steady and I'll promise you more I got my heart back baby and it's skippin a beat I got my ass in check (check) and now I'm ready to be i distinctly remember having been more excited for the Os. but i guess six years on and ive become jaded or smthing. but here goes: IT's OVER! like- really. totally. extremely belated- but better late than never. i actually cant tell if it has really sunk in yet. i get those nightmares telling me that i turn up for papers late, unprepared and what not. maybe im just insecure- at the back of my mind i hear a voice chastising me for not putting in my best and all. the sense of relief this time just doesnt match up that of 19 nov 2004. which makes it one hell of an anticlimax. and i dont like it at all! i mean come on almost one whole month, plus the studying that makes it more than a month, and all i feel is a patronizing relief coupled with a tinge of emptiness. maybe because there are no more honeymoon periods after this. i cant be sure of seeing the same old pple around anymore. everything's threatening to change. and change will come, sooner or later. it will come take away all that's familiar and comfortable. it will leave me with mere wisps of memories, which grow weaker in strength and flavour over time. and boy do we know how time doesnt relent. she flies like the wind and here i am, two years from being sixteen and thinking when the hell did all that happen? i sit here not knowing what to think of my past two years. great years, no doubt. and i have less regrets, which is a plus! but it's time for a new round of goodbyes. this time, perhaps for good. been moping around at home, sitting on my ass all day, waking up in the evenings, just in time for dinner, and wondering what lies ahead of me. i actually know what i have to do. i needa be proactive and turn my life around. prepare myself for whatever might come next. i have all the time now. but i dont seem to be using it well. i am bored. and that's saying a lot. i dont wanna lapse into atrophy again. become this stagnant pool of mash potatoes. well, figuratively. ok now im craving more mash potatoes. in fact im craving for lotsa stuff. im craving for more time with the family (well, there's always my trip next week), more time with friends (oh when will i see you again?), more time alone (doing better stuff), more chances to be myself and just shout out to the world how im loving it. earth's the right place for love. and there's no more pathless wood. it's a clear way ahead for me. but im revolving on the spot. afraid to take another move. i do i know not what. and then you know what im gonna do. im gonna leave it up to fate. which is what i do a lot. sometimes. but then i dont know where to draw the line. when do i start to take control. and when do i just lay back and float on air? anw. since this ought to be some sort of update on my life. these are some of the stuff ive been up to. 1) the As this is the biggie. what a nightmare. a never ending sleep. but now that i am wide awake, i can finally be! it was a hectic month. and temptations all around oh i swear. it took all the discipline i could possibly muster. no tv. i cheated wrt the com. but it was for checking email. well, mostly. anw when my parents ask me how each paper went, my reply remained constant: OK. partly because i couldnt bring myself to say anything else. didnt wanna jinx it. you see if i said GOOD, it wldnt really have applied to ANY paper, and i didnt wanna get my/their hopes up. and if i said BAD, i wld be admitting that i screwed up and my parents wld worry and then i wldve just doomed myself to a bad grade and extinguished hope. i believe one must always leave room for hope. it keeps us holding on. it does. but, as i was saying, before Truth interrupted me, also partly because the papers were really OK and there's really no intelligent way of telling how you did. you only go by that gut feeling, which is as opal as say changeable taffeta. and im not the one to stay behind and waste my life away aggressively discussing the questions and announcing that oh i can get A for this and that- well that's just not me. maybe im scared but sometimes it be that way. honestly, and ironically, math was not the worst. econs came close, hist too with paper 3 esp, and lit was the big disappointment. but i will conveniently avoid talking abt them specifically. let's just say that im hoping for the best- that's all i can do, and all i will do. getting back the papers was extremely disgusting. in the first place the whole idea of collecting them does not make sense. extra. and then putting them in messy piles and mixing them up? some dont even make it to the paper piles. invigilators siphonning off with them or smthing. but oh it's all one. i will look back years from now and have one expression- a smile. i sure hope it's a boy-did-i-get-away-with-it-again smile. but we shall see. i really dont harbour any more high hopes. i dont expect anything. really. lowered my expectations and all- because i felt that attempts this time were not topnotch. i was always faltering and tripping along the way- how i picked myself up each time i dont know. but i made it through and that's what counts. i tried. i really did. here i guess i shld thank the teachers for all the amazing stuff they've taught us over the mere two years. so much ive learnt. i think it was snee who agreed that she wldnt have had it any other way. humanz- the way to go man. but then i might get flagged for being elitist by some pink sod shite who goes by the phony name of angelique the pig who has nothing better to do but to pry into pple's private blogs- so i shall just return to my point and express appreciation and love for mr mcconnell, mrs perry, mr reeves, mr rolly, mr kwok, ms joanne lui, ms elaine lo, and even mrs jai singh :] id hate to disappoint any of them. then i have to thank denise and her mum for sending the pandan valley kids to and fro- thanks for the comfort and time saved and just the kind gesture. michelle and brenda too for sharing the pv solidarity and being great pple to talk to after exams. and i have to thank my dad for always being there for the morning and afternoon papers sometimes- taking me out for lunch and making me feel safe and confident. of course mum for all her care and concern which materialized in various ways- such as fruit juices, quarantining my sick sister, herbs, chicken soup, words of encouragement etc. this was as much a fight for them as it was a struggle for myself. and all the random pple- i hate that i cant rmbr but u know. like stef sitting with me before hist ass. wow that was magic cuz her presence just calmed me down even tho she didnt say a thing. terenceh for that phonecall before lit (i didnt even know u took lit!). cc for frost consultation, although it didnt pay but well at least it gave me a peace of mind. ramu for the days leading up to v party. oh angie for her calculator for math!! zee and gawin and sarah and liyi and mike and jon and shaun and zhaoyu for nice smses. and ms rachel chen for the chat in the canteen a few days before lit ass, and for telling me abt the venues and saying nice words before econs essay. so many others along the way i really felt this time it was less competition and more cooperation. so good job everyone! give us the As! and so that's the hardest exam i'll ever take. i hope. i appreciated the intellectual stimulation, i really did. but enough, no more! tis not as sweet now as it was before. 2) Channel V Party! one of the distractions during the As. i was seriously irritated by the fact that if not for As, i cldve met Kelly Rowland, Tata Young, zoetay, taypinghui, patmok, brianrichmond etc. but NO i didnt get to cuz i had to stay home and mug. so very upset was i. anw it was the week of the horror and ch V party was on friday night. perfect night to take a break right? haha and so i did. but not before getting real lucky on 987's late night show yet again! so anw i tried my luck after failing miserably on dan and young's show and woala! got the tickets! after doing a humiliating round of singing of course. but it was a small price to pay for a smashin' nite of euphoria @ zouk. anw i cldnt concentrate during lit paper 8 due to the anticipation but after that it was seriously party mode i told myself no holding back. so there we were ( i shall skip the part abt the BAD 987 prize service). we caught vanessa fernandez (i love parking lot pimp!), the channel v VJs who were all HOT (like seriously...ouch and ooh kinda hot), the 987 djs (which were less hot save carrie chong who was rather doll-like), river maya (very very goood live! was really impressed), the almost pathetic but extremely hilarious (im sorry) lip-syncher adrienne lau from hk (whoever she is...admired her showmanship nonetheless), some weird r&b sensation who almost wore smthing like a skirt altho he was a guy, hady mirza (good singing altho i wasnt like blown away) and willow (the obese girl who went on stage, danced like she was electrocuted and won a handphone). but the star was saved for the last! not only did we watch ryan star perform, ramu was lucky enough to catch his cd when he threw a few copies into the audience, and we got his autograph, and later took a photo with him! wooohooo! up close and personal never felt that good! i mean seriously. that was probably the closest i'll ever get to rockstar supernova! one of the better memories from the prelim days. haha. so yeah. great stuff. oh we met michelle and a guy called dennis whom she picked up along the way. it was a pair of strangers both of them...but i wonder...haha! anw good night, good fun, and i was dead beat after that. cldnt study for the next few days, which really affected my papers on wednesday. all i can say is, i still tried. dont kick me in the ass pls dont! 3) Tenacious D!!! as irony wld have it i have yet to watch the movie itself. actually hoping to catch it on SIA :] but well yes- in case u still dont know- YES i won it! it was a crazy ride i tell you. im looking at the guitar beside me and am filled with so much gratitude. from those who appreciated the art i did- to those who voted simply for the faith they had in me. THANKS- friends, teachers, family. no other way to put it. i mustve spammed all on my msn list- wait in fact, i did just that. and the response was just superbly encouraging. special thanks to those who replied via email or sms or msn: jingheng, bencai, the vic, trini, russell, erictoh, navjote, glenc, terenceh, snee, yingsze, mdm cheah!, mrs joy lim!, ziing, joy (hyper voter), denise&michell (on phone), mike (at camp), joel, xtine (who did duty as friend), shu-min, lehui, ryans (who in turn publicized his chU stint), jasmine, yeeler (power!), miki (phony), dani, ramu (you get yours soon!), shaun, nash, junyi, zhengyi, alan, cc, ray (buddy!), ms kelly!, isaac, jean (the only non-family to have seen it), hanisah, chengliang, szxjason etc etc. and THE FAMILY for "calling till fingers tired" and for mass emailing colleagues and friends omg extremely maluating but i guess it finally paid off as seen in the final vote tally. i shant brag any further. but last word of thanks to ALL (oh yes jeanmarie and photographers and even pat whom i dont know) so yes talk to me about it ok or i shall never get to say thanks personally. and congrats to my cousin yelicia, alan and miki for winning the movie hamper! haha super! i will rock with the gibson one day. but i have so many things to do i just cannot get down to learning anything- be it russian, driving, much less guitar. so one step at a time my friends. and it will be done eventually. you'll see :] 04# so as u can see i was really distracted midway thru the As, which wld partly explain why the end didnt really feel like the end because i lapsed into holiday mood rather prematurely. but perhaps i would just conclude the past month or so by saying that i do love my life- it has been interesting, compelling, challenging and invigorating all at once. looking back its been a good past few days actually, on second thought, and not futile or anything. ++ ViVocity! went to vivocity with alan jonk nash cc junyi zee. really fun time roaming abt, going to the contrived and supercold cheena foodcourt- i actually appreciated the decor very much- very 1938, to say the least. then we got messy later during dinner at carls junior. mmmmhmmmm. i LOVE the burgers and the onion rings. have to go back to get MESSY again! some of them tried to buy clothes which was mostly an empty handed affair by the end of the day but it was nice just dilly-dallying and giving opinions and doing some good ole window shopping after weeks of deprivation. omg i think that's what i am. a serial window shopper who likes to look at things again and again before not buying. haha! vivo's nice lah. i like the roof, i like the shops, the architecture's a bit goofy but that's what we need here! no more straight fit oblong concrete standard cliches. we need creativity! i think vivo has that. it was BIg, i was delirious after having not slept before the lit ass paper, so didnt really bother to coverthe whole place. but i will be back i swear! next stop- candy empire! and i need to get some new shoes cuz i crave them. i shall force myself not to get more books or dvds until i finish those at home. i have yet to touch/finish: -books- on beauty atonement oryx and crake lady oracle grapes of wrath stories we cld tell well beloved (bla bla) edgar allen poe's compendium time traveller's wife anansi boys a-z of being single mystic river -dvds- mystic river interview with vampire big fish <3 love me if u dare pieces of april duets etc. etc. so as you can see! a whole list of things to do. and what do i do at home? i watch the tv- lord of the rings (again! but i love), shattered glass (very good movie! im gonna be a journalist now!)- and do nonsense stuff. oh well. i guess the books and dvds will always be there. hee. anw we watched open season at vivo haha! instead of happy feet thanks to alan the penguin. (pray SIA has happy feet too!) it was a, i dunno, i slept thru some of it- but i like animated stuff, except this one actually fell short of expectations. gasp! my favourite ever is still monster's inc. boo! but yeah open season rather cliche as junyi said but ridiculous enough in some parts like the bunny abuse and the melodrama dog and the silly squirrels and ducks and omg actually all those animals were funny. haha i guess i wasnt in the groove u know what i mean? but it was nice to sit down and laugh it out. oh man i need to go out again i feel deprived already. we found a supermarket trolley for giant after that. it was closed by then. but in order to earn one dollar we asked the guard to open up for us. mwhahaa. junyi and i split the dollar- finders of the trolley got rich! whee! so anw it was nice having a nice grp of pple to hang out with. i shant begin to comment on jonk's prom suit aspirations- but i hope he turns out fine. he's a worry that boy. haha. and alan almost bought shoes. and nash proudly announced he had completed his search with brave orchid. good on him. i wished i earned an income like him tho. sigh. cc flew off before the movie- what a bummer. we met trixellyjoy outside the unopened Daiso. then later saw rich/teckheng and gang. then also bumped into ronnnie&hanlong. haha. novelty attracts all! i hope vivocity succeeds and takes away the orchard crowd. ok im rambling. oh page one! it's so gonna trash borders (maybe not kino, yet) cuz it's neat, funky, avant garde and totally new age comfy intimate and cool. i felt right at home there, loved the quirky shelves and the whole feel of that place just made me feel at ease. had a good time flipping thru books which i will soon get but am too poor at the moment. soon i guess. soon i hope. at the same time lit ass memories from earlier in the day haunted me. but oh that for another time. as we left the mall with most shops closed, i looked back on those familiar faces and relished the last few moments i had with them. when will we do this again? i really dont know. ++ Sarah's party! black tie theme at pine grove club house! i spent like the whole afternoon clearing my locker and then foolishly not taking back my thick paintbrushes after dumping the load in the car boot. so had to buy new ones from laurels and spent the next few hours from 5 all the way till abt 8 painting the present! it was a cat on rock and i really hope she liked it. anw the party was really nice in that it was a very diverse and yet chatty crowd and i felt very much at home there. nice food too from elsie's kitchen and ooh the cake! cheese oreos! simply heaven i must say. so anw it was a party i had very much looked forward too and although we didnt get to play musical chairs, haha, at least we got a nice sit down and a preview of sarah's prom dress. haha. ok so happy birthday girl! hope u had fun! ++SATs i took it again! yes SAT 1 that is. crazy cuz i effectively had ONE day to prep for it- i ended up slacking and even watched Ghost Whisperer (damn good show- exciting finale next week) the night before (during which i cldve been at the vivocity opening watching stef sun but my dad cleverly failed to tell me abt it and gave away his stefsun segment tickets to strangers. grrr!) anw i like starhub centre so much more. i think despite having abt 3 hrs sleep only, i was able to concentrate more and all. had a back seat, small room, comfortable, aircon, and though it was super draining i had fun doing the mcqs again. it certainly felt better but then again one never knows. fingers crossed! anw blur as i was i didnt realize that dennet was in the same room as me until after the whole thing. dope! anw it was nice talking and have to agree with her in that it's quite sad that we still had to study or rather do practice after the As. dang. later i went shopping with parents! finally borrowed my suit, got my shirt, shoes, socks and even some new undies and nice striped corduroy pants for CNY next year. so it was a very fulfilling afternoon i must say. met miki outside pandan valley (after getting stuck like almost 1 hr in the uber crowded people's park parking lot) and passed him the movie hamper. i look at him and the other juniors and im thinking whether i shld be sad that im not young anymore or happy that im done with As, unlike them. u can never have the best of both worlds. anw i might never see him again. but his last words were crazily apt! in holden caulfield's words: "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." and that pretty well wraps up my adventures of the month of november and a little bit of december. hope alan had a great world aids day and well, prom's the next thing to look forward to. and after that, well, im gonna feel real hollow and lonely. but i shall live for the moment. on a parting note here's to the songs that have featured prominently during the mugging days for As (and will forever be tied to those moments of doubt, uncertainty, fear, fatigue and nights of solitary contemplation on the use of hitler's arithmetic progression towards keynesian employment of memento mori and othello and gorbachev's anthropocentric linear interpolation of the world as we know it) : (ratings in stars) - Fergalicious by Fergie **** - I Dare You by Shine Down **** * - Rock Steady by All Saints **** * - Original Fire by Audioslave *** - Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol *** - My Love by Justin Timberlake *** - Chain Hang Low by Jibbs * - I Don't Need A Man by Pussycat Dolls *** - It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects *** - Irreplaceable by Beyonce **** * - Jump by Madonna **** - When You Were Young by The Killers **** * - Nothing In This World by Paris Hilton **** * - Hurt by Christina Aguilera **** - El Nin-Yo! by Tata Young *** - Show Stopper by Danity Kane * - How To Save A Life by The Fray *** - Lips of an Angel by Hinder *** - I Don't Feel Like Dancing by The Scissor Sisters **** *
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