otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

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Monday, May 29, 2006
lose my breath

school's out!

this is why i hate junyi sometimes (aside from the fact that his mouth is an endless ghetto):

say you study only for 20 days (considering weekend breaks), and study a grand total of 8 hours each day, you will have 160 hours in total.

and then u take 4 subjects. and if each subject has an average of 20 topics (some like econs only have 4 but each topic is huge), then u have 80 topics to cover.

that leaves one with 2 hours to cover one topic.

that is provided u study for 8 hours a day and over 20 days and absorb every topic so there is no need to go back again to other topics.

and if u alr r going for holiday tt means no weekend break for u too.

and if it is 2 hours per topic, then it also means tt the only time left u have to do practice qns is in the other 10 days left from the holidays.

which means in actual fact we seem like we have a lot of time. but tt's not true.

good luck. and ggxx.

got it dude! we dont have much time time is ticking out we're gonna die ah screw it.
haha. i rmbr those days when i used to plagiarize junyi's blog entries. and he used to plagiarize mine! so what point am i making? he makes so much sense. ah and i wish he didnt.

so yeah school's out and we are fast approaching my favourite month of the year! june is summer june is rain june is everything im insane

today we had a psycho test. it was in all truthfulness, pathetic. im a sucker for time but i just do my best i guess. there's nothing i can achieve without being me. i hated it when i looked all around me and saw smart asses. i dont really like smart asses no more. maybe cuz im no longer one.

mrs perry said on the last day of school while discussing karlsbad caverns by ted hughes with 3 lucky students- "we make one big drama out of our lives". isnt that true? i find myself doing that so often. and when she said it i dunno. from a woman who has been through so much in her life, especially recently- it's crazy how sometimes we hype up the drama in our lives when all we actually want is less of it, and more of the peace. you know what i mean?

today's psycho test came with a personality test- by far the most intriguing thing ive done this holiday. rediscovering myself, i suppose. and i realize ive changed a lot, since the last test i took, that is. years ago i wouldve preferred seeking personal meaning in life over securing a job that pays well. but today, i chose the money. i dont know what's come over me- maybe im just growing up to practicality. but what happens to the young dreamer now! he floats away on a cloud of candy floss. and i cant figure questions which ask how others feel about me. well, ask them, not me! i dont know what others think of me. i wish pple would tell me more often. then maybe i would feel less incomplete. i hope im not living a life which depends on the approval of others. but often we do that- we seek comfort in knowing that other pple are behind us in what we do. but what happens to the ladder that sticks out now! it breaks a few rungs and topples to the ground. no more bad luck to incur. i couldnt tell if i was cooperative or assertive anymore. ced said im more cooperative. but you see, i wasnt always.

anyhow i just got reminded of how much i wanted to be an architect, and how im hungry now. today was also spent getting serious with sats 2, which im sitting for this jun 3. i feel demoralized now but i really hope things pick up and work out. i really want this to happen. i really want to work my way to a place ive earned. there is so much in me that wants to prove that im more than timed exams and a mediocre top dunno how many percent. but i also know if i go on like that im not going to survive a levels. i needa chill, and trust me i will- but also take comfort in the fact that im far from done- one of these days im gonna shine and shine on.

in this time and in this hour, i thank the powers that be for my aunt's safe return from the hospital. i dont think i will be wearing that yellow wrist band anytime soon now. she's okay, and that's all that matters. visiting my grandparents for the first time in dont know how long was saddening because i dont really talk and i just felt so helpless. it's like a withering plant you know that no amount of fertilizer or water can save. i only wish that before all the leaves drop and shrivel, i will have one to keep. i guess im far too selfish at this point. but i want to make this work.

i have really been neglecting my family.

i couldnt go to previous cousin's birthday dinner, and given she's one of the closer ones, i felt and still feel horrible. all because of that history s presentation. i wonder what my priorities in life will be eventually. will i become too consumed in my worklife? well it seems im on my way there already. so anw i managed the latest dinner and even though it was boring i felt happy to be there idling my time away- in pure family company. i find this to be one of those points when im drifting from my cousins again. argh. i dont know what to say.

anw over the dinner table the issue of sibling bullying came up. and across two family units there were clear parallels. except that my reactions grew increasingly much to the annoyance of my mom. but you see, if i have to blame anyone, i would not hesitate in blaming the very pple who made my childhood a nightmare. a wretched existence i wish i could paint over. in fact, if the conversation went on i know i wouldve cried. indignation was already beginning to secrete tears. tears of fears. tears of what i have kept inside me for so long. my dad asked, incredulously actually- "it bothers you?" wth? what do you think? "yes of course it bothers me? it always has" it's just that we dont always speak of it and you guys didnt control the other two and i was too young to defend myself or speak up because i was lost and all alone and nobody was there for me. this is sickening self pity and i shld stop it. but yes. it hurts, for the record. it still does. im glad i dont have to deal with it anymore. i hope.

live 938 came to school to talk about sex. i think pple shld stop being cynical and realize that you are not above all of this. thank you for giving me this education school and radio. i choose to be appreciative and not scornful. and proud. and conceited. oh man please let these pple come to their senses. today during psycho personality i said it was true that i pretend to be friendly to those i actually dislike. well, some of you. so beware and look in the mirror please. i dont want anything between us to explode ever.

so i resolve to spend the next few days diligently preparing for sats. and then it would be common tests full speed ahead. and i dont think i will have to look back. i appreciate all that has happened thus far in j2. ive actually accomplished quite a bit. at least on a personal level, and i must always be thankful for that. as much as im looking forward to consolidating my studies this summer, i cant wait to spend time with friends and family. oh have i dismissed this for too long. and i will try to build up my immunity and get that face working once more.

so why am i whiling away my time, 3am in the morning? well for one i dont have to wake up 3 hours later. secondly, erm i dunno. got carried away. which is why com sucks. sometimes. fatal addiction. but i will balance it from now on, i promise. i guess i just needed to collect my thoughts. those floating things that have inhabited my mind for the past few days over the past few weeks. ok how long has it been anyway? i lost count. we lose count.

why do we count at all?

argh crap stop thinking! ive been thinking so much over the past week it almost drove me crazy.
nevermind. school came to a very slack end because teachers were either in uk or what not. we celebrated ms lui's bday early (for june 14) and man all i can rmbr now is a lot of bumming around. but yeah it was pretty rough and if it wasnt for pple like shaun and shib i wldnt have made it through! so thanks for just being there, listening and talking!

i dont like the way my organizer shows that i have something on each week. it means there's no uninterrupted studying or what not. cuz there's this looking forward to the event kinda feeling if ure stuck in the middle. but yes, there's actually very little time if you think about it, but i will make do with what i have. i will not make the same mistake i made last year- wasting the hols away like nobody's business. somehow when the instalments are in weeks you feel your time here is much shorter than you think.

weeks are like almond cookies. they're gone before you know it!

hmm everyone's away nowadays. somewhere, doing their own thing. ccals are at camp, and others are having fun in the uk even as i type! grarrr. if nobody excites me then i shall excite myself. but you know what, other than the very unhealthily addictive youtube.com, i have my justshootme dvd to complete! yes from last year! and i saw wendie malick in jake in progress yesterday hahaha. and so many tv shows to watch. and there are pppps to look forward to! pray they happen. and for now i will hold off x3 till june 10 comes and we go out celebrate jonk's bday. oh man junyi why are you grounded!!!

i dont know what to do for my birthday ]:

maybe i wont.

p.s. grease was okay only. thanks to trix jean and cc for company.

p.s. taylor won ami and im happy!

p.s. i better go sleep before i fall sick, and wish me a fruitful week!

who am i talking to?

11:50 AM