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Mot, Myself and Me Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato. Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar
Talk
from exit to exit CREATEUR ALLEY Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing Yesterdays January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009
Monday, May 29, 2006
lose my breath school's out! this is why i hate junyi sometimes (aside from the fact that his mouth is an endless ghetto): say you study only for 20 days (considering weekend breaks), and study a grand total of 8 hours each day, you will have 160 hours in total. and then u take 4 subjects. and if each subject has an average of 20 topics (some like econs only have 4 but each topic is huge), then u have 80 topics to cover. that leaves one with 2 hours to cover one topic. that is provided u study for 8 hours a day and over 20 days and absorb every topic so there is no need to go back again to other topics. and if u alr r going for holiday tt means no weekend break for u too. and if it is 2 hours per topic, then it also means tt the only time left u have to do practice qns is in the other 10 days left from the holidays. which means in actual fact we seem like we have a lot of time. but tt's not true. good luck. and ggxx. got it dude! we dont have much time time is ticking out we're gonna die ah screw it. haha. i rmbr those days when i used to plagiarize junyi's blog entries. and he used to plagiarize mine! so what point am i making? he makes so much sense. ah and i wish he didnt. so yeah school's out and we are fast approaching my favourite month of the year! june is summer june is rain june is everything im insane today we had a psycho test. it was in all truthfulness, pathetic. im a sucker for time but i just do my best i guess. there's nothing i can achieve without being me. i hated it when i looked all around me and saw smart asses. i dont really like smart asses no more. maybe cuz im no longer one. mrs perry said on the last day of school while discussing karlsbad caverns by ted hughes with 3 lucky students- "we make one big drama out of our lives". isnt that true? i find myself doing that so often. and when she said it i dunno. from a woman who has been through so much in her life, especially recently- it's crazy how sometimes we hype up the drama in our lives when all we actually want is less of it, and more of the peace. you know what i mean? today's psycho test came with a personality test- by far the most intriguing thing ive done this holiday. rediscovering myself, i suppose. and i realize ive changed a lot, since the last test i took, that is. years ago i wouldve preferred seeking personal meaning in life over securing a job that pays well. but today, i chose the money. i dont know what's come over me- maybe im just growing up to practicality. but what happens to the young dreamer now! he floats away on a cloud of candy floss. and i cant figure questions which ask how others feel about me. well, ask them, not me! i dont know what others think of me. i wish pple would tell me more often. then maybe i would feel less incomplete. i hope im not living a life which depends on the approval of others. but often we do that- we seek comfort in knowing that other pple are behind us in what we do. but what happens to the ladder that sticks out now! it breaks a few rungs and topples to the ground. no more bad luck to incur. i couldnt tell if i was cooperative or assertive anymore. ced said im more cooperative. but you see, i wasnt always. anyhow i just got reminded of how much i wanted to be an architect, and how im hungry now. today was also spent getting serious with sats 2, which im sitting for this jun 3. i feel demoralized now but i really hope things pick up and work out. i really want this to happen. i really want to work my way to a place ive earned. there is so much in me that wants to prove that im more than timed exams and a mediocre top dunno how many percent. but i also know if i go on like that im not going to survive a levels. i needa chill, and trust me i will- but also take comfort in the fact that im far from done- one of these days im gonna shine and shine on. in this time and in this hour, i thank the powers that be for my aunt's safe return from the hospital. i dont think i will be wearing that yellow wrist band anytime soon now. she's okay, and that's all that matters. visiting my grandparents for the first time in dont know how long was saddening because i dont really talk and i just felt so helpless. it's like a withering plant you know that no amount of fertilizer or water can save. i only wish that before all the leaves drop and shrivel, i will have one to keep. i guess im far too selfish at this point. but i want to make this work. i have really been neglecting my family. i couldnt go to previous cousin's birthday dinner, and given she's one of the closer ones, i felt and still feel horrible. all because of that history s presentation. i wonder what my priorities in life will be eventually. will i become too consumed in my worklife? well it seems im on my way there already. so anw i managed the latest dinner and even though it was boring i felt happy to be there idling my time away- in pure family company. i find this to be one of those points when im drifting from my cousins again. argh. i dont know what to say. anw over the dinner table the issue of sibling bullying came up. and across two family units there were clear parallels. except that my reactions grew increasingly much to the annoyance of my mom. but you see, if i have to blame anyone, i would not hesitate in blaming the very pple who made my childhood a nightmare. a wretched existence i wish i could paint over. in fact, if the conversation went on i know i wouldve cried. indignation was already beginning to secrete tears. tears of fears. tears of what i have kept inside me for so long. my dad asked, incredulously actually- "it bothers you?" wth? what do you think? "yes of course it bothers me? it always has" it's just that we dont always speak of it and you guys didnt control the other two and i was too young to defend myself or speak up because i was lost and all alone and nobody was there for me. this is sickening self pity and i shld stop it. but yes. it hurts, for the record. it still does. im glad i dont have to deal with it anymore. i hope. live 938 came to school to talk about sex. i think pple shld stop being cynical and realize that you are not above all of this. thank you for giving me this education school and radio. i choose to be appreciative and not scornful. and proud. and conceited. oh man please let these pple come to their senses. today during psycho personality i said it was true that i pretend to be friendly to those i actually dislike. well, some of you. so beware and look in the mirror please. i dont want anything between us to explode ever. so i resolve to spend the next few days diligently preparing for sats. and then it would be common tests full speed ahead. and i dont think i will have to look back. i appreciate all that has happened thus far in j2. ive actually accomplished quite a bit. at least on a personal level, and i must always be thankful for that. as much as im looking forward to consolidating my studies this summer, i cant wait to spend time with friends and family. oh have i dismissed this for too long. and i will try to build up my immunity and get that face working once more. so why am i whiling away my time, 3am in the morning? well for one i dont have to wake up 3 hours later. secondly, erm i dunno. got carried away. which is why com sucks. sometimes. fatal addiction. but i will balance it from now on, i promise. i guess i just needed to collect my thoughts. those floating things that have inhabited my mind for the past few days over the past few weeks. ok how long has it been anyway? i lost count. we lose count. why do we count at all? argh crap stop thinking! ive been thinking so much over the past week it almost drove me crazy. nevermind. school came to a very slack end because teachers were either in uk or what not. we celebrated ms lui's bday early (for june 14) and man all i can rmbr now is a lot of bumming around. but yeah it was pretty rough and if it wasnt for pple like shaun and shib i wldnt have made it through! so thanks for just being there, listening and talking! i dont like the way my organizer shows that i have something on each week. it means there's no uninterrupted studying or what not. cuz there's this looking forward to the event kinda feeling if ure stuck in the middle. but yes, there's actually very little time if you think about it, but i will make do with what i have. i will not make the same mistake i made last year- wasting the hols away like nobody's business. somehow when the instalments are in weeks you feel your time here is much shorter than you think. weeks are like almond cookies. they're gone before you know it! hmm everyone's away nowadays. somewhere, doing their own thing. ccals are at camp, and others are having fun in the uk even as i type! grarrr. if nobody excites me then i shall excite myself. but you know what, other than the very unhealthily addictive youtube.com, i have my justshootme dvd to complete! yes from last year! and i saw wendie malick in jake in progress yesterday hahaha. and so many tv shows to watch. and there are pppps to look forward to! pray they happen. and for now i will hold off x3 till june 10 comes and we go out celebrate jonk's bday. oh man junyi why are you grounded!!! i dont know what to do for my birthday ]: maybe i wont. p.s. grease was okay only. thanks to trix jean and cc for company. p.s. taylor won ami and im happy! p.s. i better go sleep before i fall sick, and wish me a fruitful week! who am i talking to?
11:50 AM
Sunday, May 21, 2006
shifting where? hello. no more shifting gears. which im surprisedly aloof about right now. maybe one of these lonesome nights im gonna wish it all back to the start, and then i wouldnt feel so empty and lost. but no, now i dont seem to have the luxury of doing that and feeling sorry for myself- not that i want to. it was a splendid two nights, and i thought rp did itself real proud- everyone, from the actors to the front of house to the publicity to the backstage peeps to those in the tech box, and even ushers...well all i can say is it came together and i dont know but somehow i feel closer to so many of them now? and i know it wont last that long cuz a lot of such stuff survive for the moment and once the moment's gone then we lose it too, but yes it's an amazing feeling to begin with and it'll be silly not to cherish it while we can. thank you to all my friends on stage who acted and with each power play made me choke back tears of joy! you were all so gooooooood. there was so much energy and oomph i really didnt want it to end. i was transfixed myself- equally entertained as the audience were. so kudos to you. and you, and you! and it's so comforting working with pple and doing the little things- be it cutting foil gears and blutacking them up painstakingly, or designing the bloody programme till 4am, or painting the toy box, or carrying sets over...whatever it is, i really miss it and it has really really not yet sunk in that that was probably my last time in smthing like that! i dont even want to get started with the names but im glad i took photos with everyone so the memories stay with me...togetha, foreva! if i had just one small little thing i could hold on to at the end of this journey, this new chapter that isnt so new after all, it would be this whole experience in rp and i daresay im really glad i joined in jc cuz it has made my life so much more fruitful. i need to thank not only rp but also those who appreciated the behind the scenes work, cuz that's smthing that isnt always recognized and given enough credit for- but well, pple worked their butts off for that. so yes thanks for the suppportive audience and friends who came :] i really wanna hug all of you again. it seems like i cant really be specific here, and i dont know why, but all i really wanna say is thank you. thank you for making me the better person that i am, and for giving me so much more than i could have ever wished for. for once i dont feel obliged to blog about so many things- all the things that happened these past few weeks. maybe im just a coward who cant face up to the fact that his life is going full speed and he hasnt even woken up from it yet. and maybe he cant stand staring at the days ahead of him knowing that there's so much pressing in on him. maybe im just scared. "if i could tell the world just one thing it would be we're all okay"
6:30 AM
Sunday, May 07, 2006
sarah okay i figured i better blog before a new week starts and i get all caught up in a whirlwind that i call my life. this is crazy, really. sometimes i wonder why i push myself to ridiculous limits and for what, you know. like why do i even bother? there is a good two weeks to update on but as far as i can remember i didnt cover nash's and junyi's bday dinner. we had it on a friday and despite having tons ahead of me (oh i had no idea) we took some time off together to relax and dine out at cartel. a pity it wasnt nash's real bday but it was good while it lasted- those few precious hours before we rushed off for performances and what not. i made the cards for the both of them, haha, which im immensely proud of cuz i did it magazine cut out collage style which is smthing basic that i enjoy returning to once in a while. the surprise was mostly gone by the time we presented nash with the card and he was even demanding that we cut the cake fast. which was like -_- haha. but junyi didnt expect the card i guess and such a pity only 3 pple signed it. you see only jonk alan nash junyi and i were there. junyi did the cutting bread thing which was so reminiscent of him cooking maize and barbecuing at cavendish park some years back (gosh it's been years) as i turned around to take a photo. btw ms kelly's baby elise is soooooooooooo kewt and adorable i wanna squish her...erm ok but yes the pictures say it all- im so glad the family's doing fine now. i wanna visit so many pple. anyhow we sorta ordered our stuff and chatted abt i dunno what- you see it happens- you chat abt so many things and laugh so much and you cherish that experience but why issit you tend to forget the specifics? maybe the specifics dont really matter in retrospects- what matter's is that they came naturally and that was why moments can be so magical and timeless and unforgettable despite being forgettable at parts. yeah yeah im not making sense but yes we had fun, shared good food, and played an extremely weird round of "i have never" which was really really revealing but i shant go further, ahem. we should get together again soon yeah? BECAUSE blogspot is BLOODY LOUSY at recovering posts, and my STUPID COMPUTER has some STUPID fetish for konking on ME, im retyping the rest of the entry which is SHIT now because i HATE how i cant sleep early now and it's gonna lead to one whole vicious cycle!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. went for cdc with jonk after that and i must say i was suitably impressed. kudos to everyone really (esp those i know: george, liansheng, js, weiping, xixun, phoebe etc) because it was a remarkable experience watching- so experimental in lights and sounds and direction and the sets and props were all so chio and dazzling. i thoroughly enjoyed myself- a good cultured night out considering i cld still understand most of the chinese, haha. and ms heng was there too! im so glad things are going fine with her as well, and her husband! so anw it was rather late when i got back. waited for my father and he finally came in this ridiculous SUV with the company logo all over it haha but thankfully it wasn’t my new car but just a loan for the SUVival challenge. cool stuff but i was so sleepy i just slept the whole night away. it was a night well spent. now it's RP's turn to steal the stage and claim back the limelight! SHIFTING GEARS Doublebill 19/20may 7.30pm PAC $10 only! may day weekend was spent doing work and catching up on things. i did kwok's sbq, mac's marlow, sats and some math. which made me feel real good abt myself. oh and i did design, which i was soon to realize i was gonna get too much of. basically the rest of the week saw me sleeping past 4am per night, except for one 1am plus night all the way from monday to friday. i was pretty zonked out by the end despite my looking all perky and stuff. sometimes i wonder how i keep up that facade of being so bubbly and happy and energetic and querky inside when actually all i wanna do is fall down and sleep sometimes. like you know, just relax and chill it all away. on thursday night when econs case study and design clashed pretty badly and i really didnt want to sleep late but mrs butler called and launched on me this whole slew of changes i really felt depressed and really almost cried. i guess the only thing that stopped me from doing just that was my fatigue. anyhow friday was a considerably early day for me as i took the afternoon off design for sats- but ended up sleeping haha and waking up, but it was just a lazy cosy night you know, doing nothing, just feeling content and languid and lackadaiscal- and not feeling abd abt it cuz the break was well deserved i guess. slept past 12 which was almost a taboo but the moment i hopped in i was morpheus's again. SATs. njc. met pple like jonk zhifeng jonong amy lloyd cheryl zengyu aloysius and kenny. in short the invigilators were horrible- firstly scolding kenny and me for talking (during the names shading for heaven's sake!) and later starting the test section before half of the hall came back from the toilet break- stupid inconsiderate crabs i tell you. considering we were their guests i expected some decent form of hospitality but they were complete robots and unfeeling creatures. i wld go further, but karma beckons. the test was only so-so for me. i really wanna do well for it but i dont think i did my best. i hope i did well enough for me not to be disappointed but then again i dont really know what i want do i? haha what would it take to satisfy a guy like me? erm...haha. you know what i really dont want to take it again. well i can only hope for the best now. sats2 coming up in june, and im gonna ace it! im determined to! mathlitbio here i come! anw rushed back home and did design again all afternoon but to my dismay not everything was in so i cldnt finish all in time and had to rush out of the house and was late in meeting zee at drama centre for aspects of love. anw had nice dinner with parents at hans too bad it was a quickie and i wouldve loved to spend more time with them. i just wish mahjoing didnt come up so often and maybe next time i just need to be nicer and not be so moody ahh i feel bad now but nvm yes we parted on a good note. anw the musical was bleahhh. nice at parts- i liked the love changes everything song and some actors like george and julietta and i liked how it was considerably small scale and had a cosy feel about it- live piano players, blackout scene changes (haha all sounding like drama feste) and easeful tunes whose melodies kept ringing our heads way after it was over. what i didnt like was how weird the music was at times, even zee said it was not impressive and he could see why it wasnt as popular as phantom, being andrew lloyd webber and all. but one thing to note- he only did the music which was actually the show's saving grace for most parts- the acting was not excellent- the leads i didnt like the way they sang it seemed as though they were trying too hard to pronounce the words and sing rather than act and convey the approporiate emotions throughout. so it was a very detached performance i felt, plus the plot was extremely bizarre, weird, off, or what you will. man falls in love with actress, actress elopes with man, actress falls in love with man's uncle, actress runs away, marries man's uncle, uncle has mistress italian sculptress, who then joins in with uncle and actress in some happy threesome, two women kiss (why it was minimum age 14 i dunno) for no seeming reason, actress has daughter with man's uncle, daughter grows up and falls in love with man who still loves her mum, uncle gets jealous and dies of heart attack and it ends with how love never really leaves you quite the same. indeed, love changes everything, and seeing is believing. but i could not believe my eyes when it all unfolded before me. super uncanny chain of events but i guess they were aspects of love that i dont understand at this stage of my life. hmm i must watch it again- it always makes more sense after you sort it all out, and i can sense so much potential and magic from within. monique wilson did a good job however i must credit her for her strong charm of a voice but her direction was lacklustre to say the least. i appreciated the age transition scene and the human sculptures idea and the colourful circus scene etc but it just didnt wow me as a whole. the ensemble was also repulsive and mostly unimpressive. but i enjoyed myself- just relaxing the night away. zee and i thought we saw mrs perry, haha, but it was a fake-o. after that we walked and mrted home and it was nice talking to him after so long, and watching the neon glow of that glider soaring through the sky, like it was my hopes and dreams running past by me. it was like the quiet moments ive been having to myself- today at the lift lobby, the strong wind blowing and lifting me up, me and my spirits. and today after dinner lying quietly in my bed feeling the night slide by like a giant blanket that i have to wake up from beneath one of these days. anyhow, it was a nice long chat and i guess like i told zee and not anyone else yet, im so glad it's all gonna be over soon. and then maybe i can be less inhibited and be so truly happy for once. strange how it ties in with rp's college play shifting. the irony that life presents us with. coffee, tea, or me? speaking of all that design and rediscovering art, was talking to terence and i realized i would actually do it all over again, no matter how bloody stressful. thing is, i love doing art and knowing that at times when im lonely and sad i can always fall back on it with a little pencil doodle or photoshop tweaking, it really makes me feel good about myself and i enjoy sharing what i do with everyone else. so yes, that said abt art, it was my last day with art club on wed. pretty sad i know. i was guilty but it was worth the effort going- come on, my last chance ever?! plus ive already let down so many friends in there like ruth and beixi i thank them for being so understanding and so kind but yes i ought to have contributed more and not treat it like some come and go cca. well i tried not to, i guess trying wasnt enough. argh. anw not the time for regrets. it was all over that day. i almost collapsed at the exhibition given it was a late hot afternoon and i was sustaining on a 4am night. really didnt bode well plus mr chia was speaking to us and you know how he speaks...s-l-o-w-l-y! haha but he's so inspiring and i respect him for that. really. so sad he only came this year and this year happened to be my absolute ad hoc year. i didnt stay for dinner, but it was all good. i will miss all of them, thank you for making my bright eyed enthusiastic embark on this artistic route end on a better note than it should have- i will just follow mr chia's advice and start a scrapbook. beixi inspired this too, so i thank her and her amazing godlike drawings. was so tired by then but i still got work calls. thank god for the early bus home. moor tarbet meeting on tuesday i think. house capt speeches went pretty well i thought. now results will be out tmr. funny how at the same time GE is going on. but oh elections. did i mention im politically apathetic? now i have. no apologies. haha anw our whole house comm was there and so could take complete photo right?! wrong! glen liua ran awayyy argghhh. so we had to do without him. grrrr. anyway we met again on thurs in an attempt to wrap things up and it looks like we wont be seeing the last of each other just as yet. man i dont want it to end. but it will, soon, "and im ready, ready as i can be, which isnt saying much i guess". and you know, my friend, i hope it isnt happening again, because if so i want to know why and i really wish things were different. thanks to shirin for her inside info, i now know that nelly furtado is all set to get promiscuous with her new album loose, coming this june! haha hint for birthday presents!!! but seriously im so excited- i have her first two cds which are so eclectic and excellent. she looks set to abandon her folklore side of things and once again make us go whoa!nelly by really letting loose. without further ado, check it (her) out! |