otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009

Wednesday, March 15, 2006
in the deep

im only blogging cuz there is no one else to talk to at this very moment. a moment that has lasted most of the night or day.

i woke up from a somewhat nightmare and elements of it actually surfaced in the morning. i thought i was certain dreams were made of the past but this time round it seemed like some sort of vision.

i look back and i can say i was really really happy. contact lenses have been great, btw.

the weekend before 02 i was feeling like crap. ultimate crap. i didnt feel like doing anything at all. i was telling myself and everyone that 02 was the biggest waste of time what was i doing pledging one whole day to it.

im glad i was wrong, you know. meta;fyr and jean made it all worthwhile. so did the other ogls and i dunno just the stuff that we did, dancing and singing and all- just made me feel young again and brought me back to the honeymoon period. og dinner and hanging out at the playground was one night i will never forget. thanks so much to them- they really made my day, you know?although i lost my temper when i got home cuz i felt giddy and nauseous, on top of the very fact that loads of work was still undone, i slept reasonably well.

watched goodbye lenin for the last few lessons of gp and it reminded me why i shld go and watch all foreign films. they're good, really! goodbye lenin was just so bittersweet i didnt know how to feel. something abt its subtlety took my breath away. i will never forget it. i learnt to laugh and cry at the same time. i learnt it was possible.

gp exam was bleah. not gonna talk about it. just glad that doing ww essay before that helped me, a little bit. then it was fish & co at night. honestly i was pissed off as i left because denise indirectly caused me to leave late. i was really frustrated. but i got there early and well had a good time. food was good, music was good, even though service and seats sucked. but yeah we had fun i guess i dunno why the crowd was so freaking subdued but i thought the peeps like trish did a great job so yeah hurray. it's ironic that it's bmdp. only i will know why, i guess. but yeah- im gonna pledge myself when they come on april8. i think i owe it that much.

you know what, im already happier. i know after i stop typing im gonna become mopey and all again i dont wanna be but yeah im gonna. so maybe i shld sleep or smthing i dunno. wasting the next 3 days of my life isnt cool at all. i feel like pulling out real badly but i know i cant so what? make the best of it? i cant stand it! i dont want in at all i want out! argh!!! i just wasted the whole night doing simun stuff and reading up on protocol nonsense shit when cts are less than a week away. i know im gonna flunk it if not most of it. so yeah. i dont even know why i can be so calm sometimes but yeah im not now cuz i hate it. it's digusting i tell you. i dont even feel like typing about ppp because all this negative energy just spoils the mood. i dont wanna taint it.

but yes i shall. i have to.

PPP was swell. seeing all the mtdf peeps again was a great treat for me cuz i really miss all of them and i really mean all of them. tennis and table tennis was fun. we got all sweaty and thirsty and tired it was such a great warmup. sicc is kewl. snee's house is the best. cabbing there was a joke cuz of our very weird cab driver who kept suanning jonk. had dinner at the rooftop garden and chatted and laughed our lives away because we wanted to and we could. it was so great that we could all connect so well and i dunno i just felt suspended in time. we bummed around watching tv later, bewitched, and played zhongjimima and 99. the forfeits were really funny and i thought everyone was really sporting so yeah no shame no gain yeah. pity some had to leave early. we watched brokeback mountain past midnight- which was a very bad idea cuz most of us dozed off at some point or another. but it was a nice, simple film. i thought the acting was goood. later we all cuddled up in snee's sister's room and just chatted our sleepyheards away. first with light, then in the dark. matthew the mutton was sleeping outside cuz he had odac the next day. haha i never saw him again. anw yes we were singing and talking and crapping and basically just i dunno, relaxing, despite most of us sniffling and desperate for some sleep. i just cldnt sleep you know. i wanted to talk so badly. so much. im glad we were that fun a bunch to be with together. somehow we dozed off. next morning was sluggish, some pple like george having disappeared too and we contenting ourselves with a few more episodes of bewitched, courtesy of gavin. bummed around somemore and looked at mtdf photos. snuggled up in snee's room in the afternoon and listened and danced to music, whilst talking and laughing even more. gavin took a bath but soon left. george returned later just in time to watch crash!!! so yeah we crashed and it was simply amazing. the plot and acting and the song in the deep omg. i was on the verge of crying actually. but i cldnt. see im coldhearted nowadays. after that we sorta agreed it was time to go. to walk away. looking back i really miss mtdf ppp, and even more so, mtdf itself, and the pple. i wanna have ppp again. and we will, for all those who cldnt make it this time round. ppp2!!! i appreciate the genuine friendships forged. i cherish all the times we had together. i love how we cld be so free and easy with each other, how we enjoy our own company. i felt stronger that day- i felt i cld face up to the next two weeks. mtdf you rockk. this will not be the end i promise we cannot let it...

here i am. i did frost essay till 5am before sicc btw. so my workload is currently lits and ct mugging. for the moment. acad wise- only. i ought to be doing hh proposal now, js dont kill me. but i feel immensely strangled i need to breathe and i figured if i cant talk i might as well blog. i slept the whole monday away. did class page at last. i love it. proud of stuff i just pull off on the spot. i hope everyone likes it. tuesday was spent at syf. vadi's a great fun guy to be around. buying tapes and macs food was therapeutic somehow. i felt a little cheated we werent just filming but we got down to it in the end. i appreciated the little things we had to do. the walks we took. so gangsters we were. i hope jo and shumin persevere yeah? you'll be delicious. go get a gold with honours. interview workshop at gic wasnt that bad, thankfully. my mentor was really nice and gave really useful advice. so much for thinking the worse of it. trix and rachel were nice company to have as well.

anw i guess a lot of things like o2 and gic and mindef have taught me to cherish whatever comes my way, no matter how detestful they might seem at first. so you know what, simun. im gonna come at you with all ive got, and you're gonna bring it on. you're gonna show me why im letting 3 days go. i shall be zen about this from now on. my dad's right. no point griping abt it if i cant pull out. i cld be so happy. just felt so lost just now, sigh. been stuck on math. its irritating to learn how much ive been missing. i swear to myself, for my own good, and for my parents who believe in me, that i will work extra hard after common tests and focus on my studies. i cannot let anyone down. i will do it. i will juggle my ccas too. im gonna survive this crazy phase, or year, what have you.

im living in a nightmare, a never ending sleep

common tests can be my stumble. but that's all im gonna allow myself, and even so im not going down without a fight. after all this shit, despite the nonstop flood of emails and stuff, im gonna watch V for Vendetta and feel complete. i will make it a point to use my book vouchers too. im feeling tired now. tomorrow will be a better day.

p.s. thank you shibani. and just found out that turbz the frost and xtine are in pakistan too. you guys made my night by just being there, you know.

Thought you had all the answers
to rest your heart upon
but something happens
don't see it coming, now
you can't stop yourself
now you're out there swimming
in the deep

Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles
till you let go
till you shed your pride and you climb to heaven
and you throw yourself off
now you're out there spinning in the deep

6:26 AM