otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

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Monday, February 27, 2006
ugly

today school ended at 3pm. lo and behold, i had nothing to do.
here i am sitting at home, the sky outside- still daylight. its been quite a while since i came back that early. since i came back to more than the darkness.

before i embark on a whole slew of homework that awaits me, i must say that good memories certainly evade you sometimes. somehow in that last entry i forgot to mention so many things. not that it matters, since we all know they happened in our hearts, but i guess, what's the point of blogging in the first place. i think for me i need to make sure i have at least this to fall back on.

i will not forget the sundays we had rehearsals. to my parents it was insane, but looking back i thank them so much for putting up with my crazy hours. my life revolved around df. i think now that its over that inertia is still spinning, but growing slower with each revolution.

snee's house was a palace. i say i wouldve spent more time there if i had the choice. and that room we were in was simply cosy and homely and i dunno everything about it just feels so warm and fuzzy in retrospect. i remember that was when the blueberry idea first came about, to think it originated from cherries haha. tiramisu was great and i thought the roof top garden was simply amazing. dinner after that with jonk and cc was rather quiet, but it was one of those less is more moments.

it was just about one week ago they came over to pandan valley. the function room was huge and amazing. i really am very proud of pv. i dont ever wanna move out. but i dont think that's for me to decide huh. anw we had fun i guess. rehearsals were productive and i played basketball again in a very longg time. i wonder when my childhood stopped. when i stopped doing that. when i stopped rollerblading around the whole of pv. when i stopped going to the playground. they left that night with me feeling slightly empty. something wistful about pple coming and going.

i profess i miss the smell of the PAC. in a strange way i long to feel the blasting freezing sub-zero aircon gnaw at my skin once again. i miss shivering in it and i miss all the sets and the cloth and marvelling at them and yeah even moving the sets from place to place. i think this time round i became better at choosing meals. the cockroach in lt2 we killed. the stuffy lt2 when they shut the aircon down on us. waxing with masking tape on the table in lt3. the hotseat thing we did in lt2, trying to dissect our characters and find a meaning to it all. the full cast and crew in one big restless circle on the lt2 stage. sets unsettled. who wouldve guessed it would turn out so amazing?

the white tie was hanging beside me in the laundry area just yesterday, shiny silky and pearly white after a good wash. the makeup stains, all gone, without a trace. sigh. speaking of makeup- this df experience has taught me how to do eyeliner. i dont figure i will ever need it again, unless i decide to be some goth rock punk or to return to all this again.

i figure this will be my last time on stage. i seldom smile willingly during curtain calls, because i just cant bear to embrace the end. the results did not justify our efforts and passion, but i dont think justification was what we needed. we had each other, and that was enough. i wish the judges had said more. we all did i suppose. at least we wouldve known where we went wrong. but perhaps its better left that way. some things are better left unspoken.

that night we went out for supper at chomp chomp. it was such fun. i didnt enjoy my drink and food as much as i enjoyed the company. everyone was cheery and going silly with our own off-stage rendition of truth or dare. details i will not divulge, mwahaha, since i already have enough photos going around as blackmail material i dont see why i must sabotage myself any further. but it was not complete. not everyone was there. most had to leave early. the last of us left at around 3am. im looking forward to meeting everyone at ppp, just so we can unihibitedly let go. we deserved our celebration. we deserve to make some more noise.

as a wise writer once wrote, "nothing is over till we give up on something".

When I was 7
They said I was strange
I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same
I asked my parents if I was OK
They said you're more beautiful
And that's the way, they show that they wish
That they had your smile
So my confidence was up for a while
I got real comfortable with my own style
I knew that they were only jealous cos

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared
That I was shorter than everyone there
People made me feel like life was unfair
And I did things that made me ashamed
Cos I didn't know my body would change
I grew taller than them in more ways
But there will always be the one who will say
Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you
So are you

i might just have to spend the next few weeks being busy with stuff i dont necessarily enjoy. but im gonna soak it up for all they're worth, and, like some dear friends have said, enjoy the company. it's gonna be rough, but im gonna make it through. be with me!

1:17 AM