otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009

Saturday, August 06, 2005
a story of us

how about getting off all these antibiotics?

i did a germ IQ test today and scored 8/11 ...not too shabby :]
feeling proud of myself that i know quite a bit about the little organisms that inhabit our phones, keyboards, mouth, stomach...basically everything.
they are everywhere. more than 700 species in our mouth. everytime u flush u send an aerosol spray of germs into the air that can linger for two hours. the phone has more germs per sq inch than the toilet seat. etc. etc.
be afraid. pretty scary.

hum dum dee dum.

i like the instrumental start to Thank U by alanis morissette. it has the edge of the world, standing on the brink of existence kind of feel. wind in your face, you walk, the beat starts, she sings, you walk on, they are watching, you know it, you walk on...and on...and on...

pw worries me sick. i have no direction in life i guess. no idea what to do next. my group is great but collectively we slack off. today at scholarship day- i didnt know what to do. it was comforting to know that some pple like lawrence and hazmi had no clue either. hazmi said that such decisions should be made by our parents. that ultimately we follow our parents opinions. which is, a little sad to say, probably true. because we just dont know and we are like made to grow up to quickly i wonder if its even natural. but u know as u take things as they come, they are not really that difficult as they first seem to be. i guess we just feel small in this big daunting world with so many options and doors that we fear we take a step in the wrong direction the door behind us will close and lock itself. and then that's your life, u live it once and there you go screwing it up because you liked the red door more than the blue one. im in a room of doors.

my room within the door is now filled with bottles. bottles i have to fill with water. and i keep filling. and filling. one day they are just gonna overflow and im not gonna care.

the water boiler alarm upbraids me for the waste of time.

ok done. so yeah im home alone managing little tasks like boiling the water. little, but necessary.
of course. yeah. i find stuff to do late at night, even though i have stuff to do, i dont do those stuff but instead i look for other stuff to do you know? like boiling the water. watching tv. sleeping.

homework piles sky high this week. just discovered wed is a holiday too. somehow i forsee it being taken away from me. hmmm better start soon you. and i needa like sort out my priorities now. nowadays. what less than 10 weeks to promos am i supposed to be studying now? rolly's lesson was a perfect example and reflection of how screwed im gonna be for history in time to come. i dont rmbr a single kwok lesson/lecture in which i have truly paid attention. somehow my mind drifts off...somehow. argh whatever.

suddenly rmbrd i needa be in school 2pm later. drats.
what do u want me to do!!! i get time to myself. i either fall sick, waste it, or waste it. do the wrong stuff. argh nvm. i shall buy a cd tmr. audioslave probably. or marion raven. alanis's acoustic JLP will have to wait. i shall watch a movie come monday. charlie. seven swords.

i need to do CIP real bad. because i want to, because all scholarships want excellent CCA track records, because i want to, again. yes so anyone anything pls tell me. and i wanna do smthing meaningful. something.

just watched A Story of Us. i guess, it really makes me wonder about relationships. and what will happen if one day the one you really loved becomes the one you just cant look in the eye and feel the same about ever again. you go in this big circle, only to end up finding you love that person just as madly as ever. and you ask yourself, why that circle? hmmm michelle pfeiffer (however u spell it) is a great actress. bruce willis has crooked shoulders and is left handed. they seem perfect together. yeah yeah. i believed their story.

i believe i will be the victim, always the victim.
victim of love, victim of life, victim of myself.

ive been kinda a letdown to some pple i guess. and i dont blame them. but i dont blame myself either. i needa cool off i guess. hmmm macdonald's lunch today was normal. but the prospect of it or smthing similar is always exciting. old frens getting together. and today at big macs i just wanted to cry but i cldnt because i dont cry nowadays but i really wanted to and i wanted everyone to cry with me to really feel and see how far we have come- together. like in our uniforms, imagine us shrinking to half size and wearing shorts instead. aahhhhhhhhhh. i see myself as a puny sec 2 boy trotting around pompously with a spitfire attitude. hmmm and pple might say i havent changed but i know i have. and pple might say they havent changed but they know they have they just dont wanna admit it cuz they know if they do they wld have lost smthing which was ONCE them but no longer IS. and then the moment was gone.
just
like
that.

and you know, watching the goblet of fire trailer today and seeing the start, how they showed harry ron and hermione evolve from the first movie, i really felt i could connect because yes when the first movie came out i was younger too and now im like that too (you know older) and yeah its like growing up with them and just seeing yourself there on screen transforming into smthing else which is still YOU but yet no longer the same you. nothing ever remains the same does it? "you are the same person at 80 the one you were at 8" said rachel in A Story of Us. and im thinking yeah maybe. just that we adjust here and there and BOO suddenly we are older. suddenly we are different and expected to be different. but hey we are still the same person. blood and bones and ashes to ashes dust to dust!

so yeah growing up is hard. we have to grow up real fast here. and no turning back. i wonder where i'll be when i grow old. i just CANNOT imagine myself growing old. maybe thats why its so impt to find someone because at least u can depend on that person 'forever'. but when i was young, i didnt see that and i really honestly believed that i was special and i was going to die young because i will never be old. something was going to happen to me, either i fell sick or jumped off a building (happily) so that i wld end my life and immortalize myself in that frame so everyone will rmbr me for their lives and i wldnt have to face not being young and losing touch and not being relevant anymore. i think parents do see themselves in their kids sometimes. we just dont appreciate our parents that much because we are young and we wanna have fun but imagine how it feels for them. one day when we become parents i think oh man i dunno.

walking down the steps outside lt6, jonk was saying how years from now we wont be in touch. or did he say it at big macs? ok nvm. anw he said it and this might tie in with nash's entry abt frenships not lasting forever but i guess it need not happen? look nobody wants it to happen but it will happen if you let it. i think that's why we have to cherish the time we have together now. and just you know start really aprreciating the pple around you now. those close to you. those who might fade in relevance to you. i wonder if i can be as rude or crude or frank or joke with any of my frens in future. whether we will take things the same way. or will we be too consumed in our new lives. our own busy schedules and what have we that we just see each other as a fragment of the past that we wish we didnt lose but hey! we have so what now?

how much can u redeem then? how much of it is for the taking back?
i hope my frenships last. but i might just be the one who changes. then i wldnt be saying all this. hmmm.

we'll fast forward to a few years later...

9:45 AM