otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009

Sunday, August 21, 2005
i am me

was flipping thru TNP and spotted a teeny article. it took me a while to realize the blonde bombshell was ashlee simpson! and lo and behold: Ashlee's coming back with her second album, I Am Me this october! (i really am jumping up and down now) it said at least two songs fight back at her embarassing SNL gaffe- well it's about time she did that anw! how misunderstood she is. so being the avid fan i am i decided to visit her webby before it changes into smthing to do with the new album! really cool. her new single seems promising. but i really hope the sophomore slump doesnt sink in! long live ashlee! check it out!

www.ashleesimpsonmusic.com
www.undiscoveredfilm.com

today i woke up early and tagged along with my father to a mosaic class at pagoda street. mosaico. it was, in short, rather fun cuz it was really hands on and boy was it tougher than i thought. i was the last to finish. but i guess i might wanna pursue it further next time :] mosaic is really cool. impressive form of art- very homely and intricate.

ok been trying to do math. shall copy econs graphs tmr. tmr is another big day. start of a new week. argh. yes yes time flies as usual. im not even gonna try and think about it. Its really stressful. I wish all of this wld end. soon. give me a break!

just had a rather thought-provoking convo with nash. i wonder what you think but I stand by my ground, as we all do. sigh.

[Soulstice] pouncing says:
no one is lonely
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
everyone is lonely
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
that's why there is a one in everyone
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
if you believe in someone up there, you are not lonely
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
who might that be?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
up to your interpretations, i guess
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
some people say God, some says the Endless =)
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
really,
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
it is just not up to us to say that we are alone
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i think it is, if we feel that way
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
everything around us is transient
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
and i dunno, im just not believing in a God
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
perhaps so
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
perhaps i'll learn that there is no God one day
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yeah see
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
everything is a perhaps
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but definitely i'll not regret the times whne i belive him to be with me
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
and that i am not lonely
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i dont think we are in the power to give the powers an identity
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but that is just self-deceit
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
like just u need him just because of comfort
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
just so u wont feel lonely
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i dont reckon anyone truly believes that God is God
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
not anyone i know, i guess
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but perhaps
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
that you are unwillign to take the leap of faith in something tht you cannot see or touch or feel?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
must soemthing we believe in take a physical form so that we can truly believe in it?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
why shld i take that leap in the first place if i know part of me has to imagine it
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
of course not physical
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but by personifying the powers that be into a God- isnt that trying to simplify things- so that we can understand and feel safe and stay sane?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i believe in Love
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but at least i can feel it
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i do not have to imagine it, pretend part of it
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
haha thats where you are wrong
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
bcos you CAn feel God
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
God come sin joy
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
comes in
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
love
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
it is definietly not pretended
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
you mean a billion people aroudn teh world can pretend there is a God
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but u see
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
by attributing stuff like Joy, Love to a God- isnt that cooking something up
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
it is precisely that so many pple believe or seem to believe that baffles me
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
which makes me in turn believe that they cannot possibly truly believe
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
okay i shall tread dangerous grounds here
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
have you heard of religious ecstacy?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
nope
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
have you seen it in churches, where peopel after being baptised cry uncontrollbaly?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
oh that sorta thing
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
it is not an act to see people cry so traumatically
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
not one, not a few hundred
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but one billion
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
what cab explain that?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i for one cannot explain that
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
except that these pple have smthing in them that makes them act the way they do
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but so what- give me one thousand billion- it simply does not prove that God exists
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
only proves that they Believe
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
and i ask- WHY
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
what triggers that something that has been dormant all this while?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
simple
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
a God exists
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
and he make sthem belive
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
why do they not believe before?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
if you say someone up there can make us believe- then it can be anything making us believe something which isnt real
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
lies?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
hey are bound to be exposed
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
have you heard of people speakign in tongues?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
in tongues?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
yes
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
tongues are an unknown language
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
only heard durign prayer
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
and what abt them?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
certainyl not an act
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but my conclusion is that, i cannot explain the Holy Spirit in words
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
that simply sounds mysterious to me
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i am not good enough for that
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
and i won't pretend that i am
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i wonder who is
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
someone who have taken up the path of discipleship then
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
all and all
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
only God can speak to you
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
nothign taht i say will convince you though
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
how can u say God has spoken to you?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
unless he appears in form
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i dont think any miracle or sorts
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
can really attest for his existence
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
let me ask u then- why do u believe?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
its not miracles
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
how did u believe?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
bcos he has spoekn my name
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
then what
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
simple
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
sigh sm jo
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
u see- that is vague and inconclusive
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
*sam jo
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
spoken ur name?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
u heard him?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
on the radio?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
in the toilet?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i know i cannot really convince you that a God exists
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but i am not going to bother if you take on an aggresssive stance
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
'in the toilet'?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
im sorry if i seemed aggressive- not my intention
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but can u explain what "he has spoken my name" means?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
religious jargon
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
not literally
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but when you are touched by the intent of God, he comes to you and talks to you in yes, literally
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
hearing
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
during prayer sessions
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
incredulous as it may soun
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
isnt that on the brink of hallucination?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i dunno but u see its still very vague to me
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
totally unsubstantiated
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
one billion people in hallucinations?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
u cannot use numbers! they dont mean anything!
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
actually i don't see any point in trying to explain
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i'm not out to convert you
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
just to argue my case and for my faith
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but numbers mean something
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yeah they startle me- but dont prove anything to me- cant say "oh look- so many pple believe- so must i!"
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
and yeah i know u are not evangelizing
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but i mean dont give up on explaining
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
because so many pple ive asked they end up giving up
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
you see
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
christianity is not a trend
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
its not 'oh he has it, so must i!'
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
see it this way
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
then dont use numbers!
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
if someone walks in with an egg with his hand and says, 'this is a god'
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
would you believe?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
and people in a church, all praying at the same time
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
it is during then that you can feel God
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i can't make the intangible tangible you see
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
words can only go so much
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yes yes yes of course i wont believe in an egg
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but dont u see- what u are probably feeling is the feeling of others who are feeling off each other
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
its a communion thing - they influence each other to believe in God
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
maybe thats why so many pple "believe"
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
sigghhh
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but how many are actually true believers i dont know
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i agree that they are many blidn christains out there
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yes go ahead and sigh
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but do explain to me
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i do not understand
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but seriously
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
a lot of this is intagible
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
and -pls do not be offended-, what you want is physical tangible proof of God
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
and only in that way will you believe
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
well, it is not this way you see
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
bcos God is spiritual
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
an not physical
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i regret to say that I am not very experienced with my walk with God
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but someday maybe you will understand
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
what i am trying to explain to you right now
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yeah yeah i get it
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
in that sense, how did u believe?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
its just a gut feeling sorta thing right
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yes go ahead and sigh

mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yeah everyone who cant make me believe sighs
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
and say i wont understand
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yeah yeah i get it
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
till i go thru it myself
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
which is like hello so u are unable to make me believe how much does that show
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
yes
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
as in i get that God does not prove himself in the physical sense
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
for God knows what reason
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
oh because "he doesnt have to"
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
which is like hello so u are unable to make me believe how much does that show

mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i mean thats simply all nonsense to me - sorry -
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
not that he doesn't have to
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but bcos you are not receptive to him
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
if i say, mundane
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
how can i be receptive to smthing which isnt REAL to me
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
HOW DO YOU KNOW HE IS NOT REAL THEN?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i simply don't understand why you take such an agrressive stance
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
lets not go further
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
lest it blows up
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
no no no
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
im not aggressive!
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
relax
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
come on look at what you said
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
its hardly demure, is it?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
huh? what isnt?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
no seriously...
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
oh well lets leave it there
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i don't think you and i want to go on in this convo
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
why not?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
im perfectly ok with it
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
pardon me for saying this
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
but u do seem a little unsettled because of my questioning
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
does it mean anything abt ur foundation in faith?
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
-purely harmless question-
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i'm not unsettled you see, i'm just frustrated that you can't see the way i am
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
plus some sentences of yours are quite prickly
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
like what?!
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
which is like hello so u are unable to make me believe how much does that show

[Soulstice] pouncing says:
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yes go ahead and sigh
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i meant it in a nonagressive sense
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
how can i be receptive to smthing which isnt REAL to me

[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i understand
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i found it hard to understad before
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
but really, is personal
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
maybe if i were SPEAKING then it wldnt come across wrongly
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
yeah
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
its somethign about you and God
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
somethign personal that you all settle
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
and i, can only do so little
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
hmm ok nvm then
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
maybe we can follow this up in person :]
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
yeah perhsps so
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
jsut rmember taht in order to be receptive doesn't mean that that thing is not real
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yes i will remember- but perhaps never understand :{
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
maybe if you start thinking abt it
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
maybe you will next time
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
=)
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
yep i guess
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
haha what have u been doing? hmwk?
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
talking to you
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
and econs
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
haha okk :]
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
hope i haven't come across too aggressive
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
or pesky
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
nah its ok
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
i know religion is a touchy issue
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
let's leave it there for now
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
yeah
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
i am quite tired
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
kk
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
all the best to you then
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
hope tonight has been useful to you
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
it has been to me =)
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
haha yep thanks
[Soulstice] pouncing says:
see ya
mot. where have all the flowers gone? says:
night

8:53 AM

Saturday, August 20, 2005
acjt

i dont wanna be lonely no more
i dont wanna hafta pay for this

arghhhh this week can only be summed up with one word: stress!
i cant even rmbr what has happened cuz it all whizzed by like hot wheels and pancake rollerblades, with ice-cream helmets.

it started like a rather free monday i guess. we rmbrd ms heng's bday! thanks to my bday alarm thingy so we visited her, gave her a card, nice handmade one from nash, and even had tea with her after school at cartel. it was really a GREAT break from all that crazy jc life. just returning back by talking and raking up past stuff and yeah basically staying in touch. it was heartwarming, and i felt really comfortable and all. nice place, nice food. :] to sum it up it was...

Virginia Woolf says:
LOVELY
Virginia Woolf says:
it's cosy and warm and just wonderfully reminiscent
Virginia Woolf says:
everyone good humoured, diff aside
Virginia Woolf says:
it's back to the original state of purity

the only problem i guess was that i realized i cldnt really speak chinese anymore. kept reverting to english. ahhh i expected it. how am i gonna do business with china? ok crap. i really wanna learn a 3rd lang. like when shum and joy were ad-libbing in french during their war presentation, it was damn cool. oh yeah the rolly oscars was pretty funny with cc as tom cruise and yeeler as julia roberts hahahaha!

hmm ok then tues came i cant rmbr but i know i was already lagging behind in math by then. and econs also. basically not doing the hmwk and feeling really useless. feeling damn tired but sleeping late. so tues long day but wed short day i thought i could rest right? i was wrong! i had school. then rp3! where ramu's grp did their presentation. i think ramu did great really. and i tried asking as many questions as possible. mwahhaha. but they handled it quite well i suppose. hmm later our grp met for the first time and laid down some stuff i guess. i am currently chatting with my subgrp, getting stuff done. im so thankful jonk is in my grp cuz at least i feel safer and all with someone familiar. ahhh am i that dependent?
so yeah after rp3 pretty carefree right? i went for artclub. thinking it wld end at 5. went there, got assigned to do the net for seniors with luyun and zhengyi. luyun btw was a girl who chose to believe the wrong things. very funny and peculiar. so anw we were given the net and construction paper by ruth and we were quite happy. went with zhengyi's idea of having digital like letters from the back of the net. but we did that, he wan't too pleased with the outcome. by tt time luyun had left. so i had a sudden urge to use spray paint. altho jason told me not to use it beforehand, i stubbornly did anw and so we did the letters "art" and it was looking quite nice. no one found out. later jason even saw it and said "nice". haha. so yeah. but knowing us, zhengyi didnt agree with my plan to have construction paper stuck on there around the word "art". he said the strong colours didnt match. which i figured was true...so guess what? i decided spray paint was the way to go! by this time zee was in a rather sulky mood. so i took most of the initiative. but as we did the spray paint. we got carried away. got caught by the ri teacher. when he exposed us mr chan and the exco were in the room. so i basically single handedly brought down the reputation of rj art club and made a fool of the exco and teacher i/c. of course i sorta offended mr teo (or is it toh) too. so after that when he left mr chan and the exco came up and basically i finally realized the impact of what i did, its implications, how it wld affect our working relations with ri and all. u know with us using their centre. hmmm. basically now i have to buy spray paint to replace all the colours that i used. i think i can claim from art club tho. but sigh. i was quite bummed abt it. cuz if the spray paint was used purposefully at least i wldnt regret it. but it wasnt! our end product sucked! so we ended up cutting it away. and yeah i was quite bummed abt it after that. ruth zee and i stayed back in the art storage room in rj to do the net. we stayed till like what, 8pm? mhmmm. i was basically moping the whole way through haha. i guess...i guess i never felt so small for such a long time. hmm in the end it turned out to be quite a nice bonding session. i got to know how poor ruth came under the dengue plague! alas! evil stuff. mosquitoes shld be eradicated. for good. wont miss them. at all. hmmm zee was rather depressed cuz his own brother stood him up for a farewell dinner. he needed to like get away in town and all. which i guess is perfectly understandable lah. ermm to him all i can say is, he doesnt know how lucky he is. yeah. sigh.

so that was one tiring night. other nasty stuff included shirin throwing a book at me cuz i wldnt stop crooning. i admit, my fault too. but anw i was so angry and pissed that i flung the book away from me. i created this strange tension i guess. hmmm. i need to control my temper. i guess this week was a real test of my emotions. how i controlled them and all. how i managed them under stress. im really stressed now.

on a funny note, geri halliwell released a third album in june, as i found out the other day. Passions. hahahaha. sounds like a flop already. her interview was pretty cool. im so glad spice girls are coming back. yeahhh. the late 90's pop era- defined.

anw i dont have much to say now. suddenly dont feel like blogging. wanna sleep! ok so it was rather stressful from then on. PW. we got back our WR. not too good. but im confident we can do it. and we are getting an interview soon!! yes everything looks set. ok lots of things to do. didnt get to sing at rafrock after all. at least i got to go home early. hmm rp3, just finished discussing. jonk is doing powerpoint. yay him. lots of stuff coming up. and no time for entertainment like survivor and TAR hmmm. but just so we know, i support the Blacks and lydiA (who follows the survivor black women name trend of ending with an Ah sound) hahaha. so fun whee.

im silly. today at rehearsal for roadrunners, which is getting cool really. i imagine it wld be great fun in time to come. anw i was paranoid abt mosquitoes. cuz i saw three around me at once. scary. dont want dengue! later i went for dimsum lunch at conrad. came home. tried to do econs. and here i am.

pls blog on moblog thank you. and now, finally, for some scandal! sorry alan :]

[a£an] says:
hello how was the cartel
mot. black rain. says:
heya
mot. black rain. says:
aiyoh why u come last minute with xiaoxuan
[a£an] says:
no i didnt come
[a£an] says:
didnt know u all were there
[Soulstice] lalaing the day away says:
you came last munite with xx?
[a£an] says:
last min?
[a£an] says:
oh erm.
mot. black rain. says:
tsk tsk as i was boarding the bus i saw alan
[a£an] says:
yea alone palely loitering
mot. black rain. says:
not alone! with xiaoxuan u flirt
[a£an] says:
i er
mot. black rain. says:
omg are u opening up?
mot. black rain. says:
yayyyyyyyy!
mot. black rain. says:
alan is attached!
mot. black rain. says:
wheeeeeeee congrats mate!
[Soulstice] lalaing the day away says:
'mate;
[Soulstice] lalaing the day away says:
'mate'
[Soulstice] lalaing the day away says:
hoho
mot. black rain. says:
...
[a£an] says:
erm still,
[a£an] says:
i dont think attached is the word
[a£an] says:
so, i deny all charges
[Soulstice] lalaing the day away says:
so just going out
[Soulstice] lalaing the day away says:
just hanging out
[Soulstice] lalaing the day away says:
just beign 'close' friends yes?
[Soulstice] lalaing the day away says:
hahah no tricks ith us man
[a£an] says:
yea erm
[a£an] says:
ok i dunno wat to say
mot. black rain. says:
omg omg omg
mot. black rain. says:
this is like the moment
mot. black rain. says:
haha its ok shant make a fuss of it
mot. black rain. says:
if not u wont dare tell us
mot. black rain. says:
haha ok thats good so now we know

[a£an] world of our own. says:
ok i shall try to prolong this farewell
[a£an] world of our own. says:
erm
mot. black rain. says:
hahaha
[a£an] world of our own. says:
like
mot. black rain. says:
go where
[a£an] world of our own. says:

[a£an] world of our own. says:
log off.
mot. black rain. says:

mot. black rain. says:
for what
mot. black rain. says:
your picture so cute
mot. black rain. says:
is that u and her?
[a£an] world of our own. says:
erhem. its been that pic for ages u know.
mot. black rain. says:
ahhhh I SEE
[a£an] world of our own. says:
nonono....
[a£an] world of our own. says:
argh losing battle!
mot. black rain. says:
been a long time ehhh
[a£an] world of our own. says:
ok not bad im prolonging this
[a£an] world of our own. says:
ok here it comes
[a£an] world of our own. says:
gtg bye
mot. black rain. says:
stupid
mot. black rain. says:
just so u know
mot. black rain. says:
im gonna publish such convos with xx on my blog
mot. black rain. says:
mwhahaha
[a£an] world of our own. says:
huh omg.
[a£an] world of our own. says:
u evil.
mot. black rain. sends:

[a£an] world of our own. says:
ok hello all potential readers! sj is such a ....
[a£an] world of our own. says:
spice girls???
[a£an] world of our own. says:
i dont want!
mot. black rain. says:
i want u to see something...accept

Transfer of "spice girls.jpg" is complete.

[a£an] world of our own. says:
ya why
mot. black rain. says:
oh u see right
mot. black rain. says:
they are gonna reunite next year
[a£an] world of our own. says:
really? omg
mot. black rain. says:
so im keeping u in the zone
[a£an] world of our own. says:
victoria!
mot. black rain. says:
yayyy
[a£an] world of our own. says:
haha its gonna be so funny
[a£an] world of our own. says:
ok i really gtg
[a£an] world of our own. says:
bye

7:12 AM

Saturday, August 13, 2005
beautiful phrases

its 124am on sunday morning and having spent saturday sleeping, watching dimsum dollies and slacking and reading kwok notes, i have done zero productive work, except for a few overdue math questions. in fact, im feeling very small now. i dont think i will be able to finish. most pple seem to have done their pcs already. makes me feel really really behind. i hate that feeling.

pw wr finally handed in. that was a killer. like glen said- we prob did more work in those 5 hours (or more) than we ever did for the 5 months (or so) since pw started. hmm at least now im confident of pw again.

rafrock practice was fun i guess. first time there, small cosy studio, nice pple, and the songs were great. and when i had the chance to sing it was really uplifting and yeah although i was suffering from severe lack of sleep at least i felt relaxed. more to come i hope.

esplanade shows always get in my eye. they usually have scenes where the on stage rotating light thingy glares straight in your eye that u cant really appreciate the performance without painful eyes. thats a thought for you. really painful! spoiling my eyes!

today i had an epiphany. a good one actually. maybe too good to be true. but i think that for once i am sure of myself and i know where i want to go. like im out of the old mould and im gonna do my best not to slip back in :]

really tired now. hmwk undone. feeling shitty. i know it'll all pass soon i hope i wake up and feel super on! just had an urge to type smthing, so i decided to type smthing that didnt require any flipping of notes and what shit.

emails. was looking thru old emails again. i love my hotmail accnt although it is perpetually above 90% storage, it's that full for a reason. it is a treasure chest of memories. ms heng. otto fong. ms kelly. club 18. allen. shaun. jonk. christine. sock chia, cheryl, and many random random stuff. yeah so if u sent stuff to me last time be prepared to face up to that cuz i do keep some in storage haha. some really move me cuz either they still move me like how they used to that i actually rmbr it so well and feel the same or i dont feel the same and it is interesting to see how far ive come from there. hmmm. shall have some random quotes. maybe u can recognize your own writing. some are from me to others!

And finally JonK - Jonk is perhaps the most complex out of everyone in the group. At times he possesses Alan's indifference, Nash's peng ji, although much harsher and unnecessary, Zee's stubborness and Ryan's flippantness......... I'm really tired now, not only in the physical sense, and I have no idea why some people like us just don't give up, but instead push towards a greater understanding. I suppose though hope is frail, it's hard to kill. All we need now is the will to believe that with every step that we leap forward, it will be worth the risk and the time and the effort. ....... do stop wasting our time alright? we're doing this for a reason. You incite multiple emotions in me: faith, wrath, sadness all rolled into one and as I begin to feel angrier as I type, do realise what you're doing to the rest of us, and that I would like to imagine a place where there would be no more [or at least less] making fun or quarelling with thee. thank u. ......Here's wishing everyone the best in what they do, and to take delight in everything beautiful in the world. =)

hmm i bought autobiography! haha havent listened but it rocks! therz a song called lala ;p oh well im listening to avrill now... under my skin is soo good... and so is let goo...

Charmed again,
Sam Jo
a.k.a Orlando Pieperr Vendetta Jejenum Morgan Branch

For further details/precautions against this team of sLYE old rats who feign innocence, contact Sam Jo.

It is my wish that the 2A clan (which includes the Charmed circle) will combine our forces as one (stay united as always) and vanquish the negative elements together...P.S. With regards to a particular choice of adjective used by one of the demons (the word starting with B and ending with H), I must express my disgust- what the world needs now is love, so let's stop all this nonsense.

Hey guys, you have expressed interest in being in the crew of drama feste (moor house). Please note that there will be a crew meeting this Fri (5/7) at 2pm in LT2 conducted by Ms Kelly. For those people who cannot make it and still is interested, please place a note in Ms Kelly's letter-rack in SR1. Thanx.
Jun Yi
sending a msg on behalf of Miss Hope Kelly (moor house asst house mistress)

Dear Miss Heng,
While reading the two chinese novels (Water Margin and Romance of the Three Kingdoms) for the holidays, do we have to underline the important points like we did for the Little Prince and Journey to the West?

I have no confidence to say that I had done the best, but I am learning too during the process when I interact with you guys.

How's your Red Cross Camp? What did you do there? Aiya, some people so free, got time to go for leisure camp!

Forgive my strong words...I've never been more insulted in my life, thanks a lot to.......I am ready to throw in the towel for Moor, because I have lost most of my passion for it. My help has been translated to aiming to get T-shirts and posts......It seems that silent wrath has been incurred.

you know, apart from the more general shared experiences of 6h you have little to do with my past. so really, you are not something of a shallow friendship but a ghost from my past that has always been there but is now surfacing, taking shape, gaining colour....... life will be good to us, you'll see. :)

hmmmm. the more i read thru them the weirder i feel. so many emotions all at once. well i guess this is a very public thing to do, but they mean a lot to me and if you dont feel comfortable about smthing being up here pls tell me. but yeah, i just wanted this. snippets of my life. imagine if i died, noone has the password to my accnt. and noone will get to see all this. hmmm. i really miss ms heng i realize. she was so so nice. happy birthday to her on monday! christine, look how far we've come from those email days! its only been months! club18, haha when we turn 18 maybe we will get down to recording that cd. but you see, the motive isnt there anymore. there are seldom tengleng jokes now. which is good. i still have a lot of hate mails stocked up. but i look at them at how angry some of us like nash were and gosh imagine us quarelling like that now it is really...amusing i guess. glad its over. there was one email that really hooked deep. how far have we come from then where you wld email me for no rhyme or reason, jonk? hmmm in fact to everyone who used to do so, when did all that stop?

so many beautiful phrases in some of them. words capture some moments. we string them together. and we wear the beads to protect ourselves and everything we ever knew of. and that will be what we know of for time to come. i dunno what im saying i guess. just miss everyone. i want to cherish each moment now ever so badly.

doing hmwk? what a waste.

10:24 AM

Thursday, August 11, 2005
scarlet tide

catch of the day! this was after ccc saw an old email he sent to me.

Virginia Woolf says:
omg i sound so
Virginia Woolf says:
i have no idea how to describe it
Virginia Woolf says:
i sound so youthful uncluttered and unpretentious
Virginia Woolf says:
i have been corrupted!

sigh actually. we all have. sad truth of life.
tonight has been a busy night. expecting more nights to be like that.
LIFE. what is life. im too tired now. it's 3.35am. i am morbidly unexcusably awake.
what if i fall sick again? so im gonna keep this short. ending with this fullstop.

12:34 PM

Wednesday, August 10, 2005
other side of the world

the past two days have been really shady. in a way. let's just say im beginning to think national day as cursed day for me. first my hamster died. then last year. then this year. hmmm yeah and i fell sick. so i cldnt do anything but lie in bed. literally. the day came and went. sleep did wonders.

woke up today feeling better. tried to attempt math, but cldnt resist the urge to join alan and the rest for a movie. met them after lunch at orchard library. ended up with seven swords. soft porn or not, we are quite sure that woman was les but nvm. haha hilarious actually. jonk was very reluctant but we bought his ticket anyway. sweet popcorn too. mwahaha. i expected more from qi jian but i guess it was a good change of movies. can't wait for harry potter really...

oh yeah so i had my desired relaxing time with frens. sigh was talking abt how goodbye will be so difficult. oh yeah. today a miracle happened. zhengyi came back online. surprise!

Back From The Dead says:
is that you sam jo?
mot. it's just a ride. says:
OH MY GOD

can't do any work now. so much to do though. i am going to be so stressed from now on. i know it. sigh. im resigning to life i guess. that sucks. feel so helpless. oh well i'll fight on i guess. jas convinced me that kt tunstall wld make a good buy. i dunno what i want now actually. started reading mystic river today. im glad cc and the rest gave me that. thanks.

8:22 AM

Sunday, August 07, 2005
luna lovegood

Mystery the moon
A hole in the sky
A supernatural nightlight
So full but often right
A pair of eyes a closin' one
A chosen child of golden sun
A marble dog that chases cars
To farthest reaches of the beach and far beyond into the swimming sea of stars

A cosmic fish they love to kiss
They're giving birth to constellation
No riffs and oh no reservation
If they should fall you get a wish or dedication
May I suggest you get the best
For nothing less than you and i
Let's take a chance as this romance is rising over before we lose the lighting
Oh bella bella please
Bella you beautiful luna
Oh bella do you do
Do do do do do

You are an illuminating anchor
Of leads to infinite number
Crashing waves and breaking thunder
Tiding the evenflows of hunger
You're dancing naked there for me
You expose all memory
You make the most of boundary
You're the ghost of royalty imposing love
You are the queen and king combining everything
Into twining like a ring around the finger of a girl
I'm just a singer, you're the world
All I can bring ya
Is the language of a lover
Bella luna, my beautiful, beautiful moon-a
How you swoon me like no other

May I suggest you get the best
Of your wish may I insist
That no contest for little you or smaller i
A larger chance happened, all them they lie
On the rise, on the brink of our lives
Bella please
Bella you beautiful luna
Oh bella do you do
Bella luna, my fortuna
How you swoon me like no other, oh oh oh
Oh mystery the moon

brilliant me! putting lyrics at the top of my entry so pple will at least read a little. much smarter than jonky.blogdrive.com. hahaha. ooops. but anw that was jason mraz i havent heard it but the lyrics look promising.

today was in short: tiring. i slept late at 3am cuz i stayed up to read harry potter! wheee. still not done btw. then i slept and woke up in the middle of the night to hear the radio still playing. i heard songs like "it's just a ride" (twice) and in and out lucie silvas and what have you. its calm waking up to music. knowing it did not forsake you for the night. ok so i woke up at 9. i think. yeah feeling much better cuz i cld cough out phlegm. then i sorta made bread with peanut butter and ate it. took my last antibiotics pill. read harry potter. and then...I SWAM! yes yes yes! at swim- one boy. i decided i really needed to get out and do smthing abt my failing health so that was it. for about an hour i think. then i came back up, heated frozen chicken spaghetti and two sausage puffs for lunch and i was on my way to school. yes i know, on a sunday. to school. doesnt really go but it was for sports carn! see how hard house comm works! so anw dani asked me to buy hairbands on the way there. so i shamelessly did. standing in the NTUC queue, holding two black hairbands that said $1.50 each but ended up getting a discount for. imagine! of all things i got a discount on hairbands. which junyi had lots of fun with later. but nvm.

ok so what started out as balloon blowing became a slave day. carrying tables, chairs, mats, putting up deco. and doing the costume. we better win that now!

tmr sports carn seems fun. im gonna be a clown. how fun is that. i shall go around making fun of people. hopefully no one will recognize me.

so yeah. we'll wear red. it'll be fun. and i cant wait to finally rest and get down to some homework. dreadful but inevitable.

7:59 AM

Saturday, August 06, 2005
a story of us

how about getting off all these antibiotics?

i did a germ IQ test today and scored 8/11 ...not too shabby :]
feeling proud of myself that i know quite a bit about the little organisms that inhabit our phones, keyboards, mouth, stomach...basically everything.
they are everywhere. more than 700 species in our mouth. everytime u flush u send an aerosol spray of germs into the air that can linger for two hours. the phone has more germs per sq inch than the toilet seat. etc. etc.
be afraid. pretty scary.

hum dum dee dum.

i like the instrumental start to Thank U by alanis morissette. it has the edge of the world, standing on the brink of existence kind of feel. wind in your face, you walk, the beat starts, she sings, you walk on, they are watching, you know it, you walk on...and on...and on...

pw worries me sick. i have no direction in life i guess. no idea what to do next. my group is great but collectively we slack off. today at scholarship day- i didnt know what to do. it was comforting to know that some pple like lawrence and hazmi had no clue either. hazmi said that such decisions should be made by our parents. that ultimately we follow our parents opinions. which is, a little sad to say, probably true. because we just dont know and we are like made to grow up to quickly i wonder if its even natural. but u know as u take things as they come, they are not really that difficult as they first seem to be. i guess we just feel small in this big daunting world with so many options and doors that we fear we take a step in the wrong direction the door behind us will close and lock itself. and then that's your life, u live it once and there you go screwing it up because you liked the red door more than the blue one. im in a room of doors.

my room within the door is now filled with bottles. bottles i have to fill with water. and i keep filling. and filling. one day they are just gonna overflow and im not gonna care.

the water boiler alarm upbraids me for the waste of time.

ok done. so yeah im home alone managing little tasks like boiling the water. little, but necessary.
of course. yeah. i find stuff to do late at night, even though i have stuff to do, i dont do those stuff but instead i look for other stuff to do you know? like boiling the water. watching tv. sleeping.

homework piles sky high this week. just discovered wed is a holiday too. somehow i forsee it being taken away from me. hmmm better start soon you. and i needa like sort out my priorities now. nowadays. what less than 10 weeks to promos am i supposed to be studying now? rolly's lesson was a perfect example and reflection of how screwed im gonna be for history in time to come. i dont rmbr a single kwok lesson/lecture in which i have truly paid attention. somehow my mind drifts off...somehow. argh whatever.

suddenly rmbrd i needa be in school 2pm later. drats.
what do u want me to do!!! i get time to myself. i either fall sick, waste it, or waste it. do the wrong stuff. argh nvm. i shall buy a cd tmr. audioslave probably. or marion raven. alanis's acoustic JLP will have to wait. i shall watch a movie come monday. charlie. seven swords.

i need to do CIP real bad. because i want to, because all scholarships want excellent CCA track records, because i want to, again. yes so anyone anything pls tell me. and i wanna do smthing meaningful. something.

just watched A Story of Us. i guess, it really makes me wonder about relationships. and what will happen if one day the one you really loved becomes the one you just cant look in the eye and feel the same about ever again. you go in this big circle, only to end up finding you love that person just as madly as ever. and you ask yourself, why that circle? hmmm michelle pfeiffer (however u spell it) is a great actress. bruce willis has crooked shoulders and is left handed. they seem perfect together. yeah yeah. i believed their story.

i believe i will be the victim, always the victim.
victim of love, victim of life, victim of myself.

ive been kinda a letdown to some pple i guess. and i dont blame them. but i dont blame myself either. i needa cool off i guess. hmmm macdonald's lunch today was normal. but the prospect of it or smthing similar is always exciting. old frens getting together. and today at big macs i just wanted to cry but i cldnt because i dont cry nowadays but i really wanted to and i wanted everyone to cry with me to really feel and see how far we have come- together. like in our uniforms, imagine us shrinking to half size and wearing shorts instead. aahhhhhhhhhh. i see myself as a puny sec 2 boy trotting around pompously with a spitfire attitude. hmmm and pple might say i havent changed but i know i have. and pple might say they havent changed but they know they have they just dont wanna admit it cuz they know if they do they wld have lost smthing which was ONCE them but no longer IS. and then the moment was gone.
just
like
that.

and you know, watching the goblet of fire trailer today and seeing the start, how they showed harry ron and hermione evolve from the first movie, i really felt i could connect because yes when the first movie came out i was younger too and now im like that too (you know older) and yeah its like growing up with them and just seeing yourself there on screen transforming into smthing else which is still YOU but yet no longer the same you. nothing ever remains the same does it? "you are the same person at 80 the one you were at 8" said rachel in A Story of Us. and im thinking yeah maybe. just that we adjust here and there and BOO suddenly we are older. suddenly we are different and expected to be different. but hey we are still the same person. blood and bones and ashes to ashes dust to dust!

so yeah growing up is hard. we have to grow up real fast here. and no turning back. i wonder where i'll be when i grow old. i just CANNOT imagine myself growing old. maybe thats why its so impt to find someone because at least u can depend on that person 'forever'. but when i was young, i didnt see that and i really honestly believed that i was special and i was going to die young because i will never be old. something was going to happen to me, either i fell sick or jumped off a building (happily) so that i wld end my life and immortalize myself in that frame so everyone will rmbr me for their lives and i wldnt have to face not being young and losing touch and not being relevant anymore. i think parents do see themselves in their kids sometimes. we just dont appreciate our parents that much because we are young and we wanna have fun but imagine how it feels for them. one day when we become parents i think oh man i dunno.

walking down the steps outside lt6, jonk was saying how years from now we wont be in touch. or did he say it at big macs? ok nvm. anw he said it and this might tie in with nash's entry abt frenships not lasting forever but i guess it need not happen? look nobody wants it to happen but it will happen if you let it. i think that's why we have to cherish the time we have together now. and just you know start really aprreciating the pple around you now. those close to you. those who might fade in relevance to you. i wonder if i can be as rude or crude or frank or joke with any of my frens in future. whether we will take things the same way. or will we be too consumed in our new lives. our own busy schedules and what have we that we just see each other as a fragment of the past that we wish we didnt lose but hey! we have so what now?

how much can u redeem then? how much of it is for the taking back?
i hope my frenships last. but i might just be the one who changes. then i wldnt be saying all this. hmmm.

we'll fast forward to a few years later...

9:45 AM

Friday, August 05, 2005
august spring

i love reading harry potter in bite sized helpings.
helps me relax. helps me take my mind off.
i really really loved reading phoenix- i rmbr it was barely a year ago. somewhere during and after some red cross camp. hmmm.
and then i rmbr watching azkaban. last year too? yeah. good times. at lido i reckon.
now im listening to rather emo avril songs. doesnt help much when im trying to forget some stuff to feel at ease nowadays. perhaps, if one lost his memory, things would be so much easier. but i dont know what i would do if someone robbed me of my one TRUE possession. our memories are what we have, truly.
now im remembering: "if you can't forgive, forget."
haha was flipping thru last year's df pamphlets the other day after experiencing two days of ri df euphoria all over again. it was different being an audience member- definitely less stressful, but i wont dare say more fun. i know those guys had their fun performing! priceless.
anw the emcees were great and i was really surprised that i actually enjoyed all 5 plays that much. wasn't expecting anything but it came and i had a good laugh. ahhh. good job to buckley and morrison. moving, inspiring stuff. and to moor, don't dream it's over! :]
i think im being extremely brief nowadays.
i wanna close blog sometimes.
so much to do. today i realized we have homework from every single teacher. perry's unseen PC, mac's frost PC, rolly's essay, kwok's essay, math tutorials 10a&b, PW, econs ws.
its all kinda stressful right now. aside from all those, all of which will be due in at most two week's time, will be returning back to school over the weekend for house stuff. kinda exciting actually except i hope it doesnt tax me too much.
i know now that falling sick on wed was a big mistake cuz i missed an extraordinary day- kwok quiz, debates for gp, math cancelled, IHC opening!
all once in a lifetime happenings. and i missed it. so my lifetime isnt really worth it. go live someone else's life.
wrapped in the riotous quiet of the wind. what a wistful phrase. ripped from someone's msn nick, but nevertheless priceless. and if our lives were like sliding doors, i would like to have the better option, though, whichever path we take, less travelled by or not, yellow wood or not, we hold on to our fate- we end up at the same destination at the end of it all.
surprise!

5:23 AM

Thursday, August 04, 2005
hacked

someone hacked into my blog!
either that, or blogspot screwed up real bad.
just so you know the stupid banana entry isnt mine!
yucks. i feel so invaded now.
if i wanted to be a celeb blogger than perhaps i would feel flattered but this is really spooky.

6:59 AM

Wednesday, August 03, 2005
you oughta know

i TRIED to update some week(s) ago but then it got erased.
it was going to be another award winning entry.
now i just can't be bothered.
i didnt go to school today.
was just thinking.
i was sick but
i was also
stressed.

now here i am
not knowing what i should do
not knowing what i have missed exactly
maybe i just need to sit by the window and contemplate
stuff, life, things, and sorry i couldnt be there today but for once
there is me. i hope my absence brought something good, if i couldnt be present to appreciate it.

6:32 AM