otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009

Saturday, July 09, 2005
i turn to the rainbow

past the point of no return...
flash: zhengyi sitting on chai's bed telling jonk and i about his favourite song.
think new year's eve. 31 dec as chai's computer was switching between the phantom soundtrack and the yearend music countdown.
my heart feels so soft. like jelly like my stomach. i need that embrace to make me feel like i havent really lost all that has passed me by. i really miss a lot of those times. those times that we just took for granted. slipping away. flying away. gone.with.the.wind.
silence. silence...
i remember we didnt really do much back then. just played mock table tennis on a makeshift table and how alan looked at brenice sleeping and how we watched snippets of what legally blonde and how i got to take the train to orchard with them after escaping family dinner and how i convinced jonk to come with us on the train. that was probably the first time he said he was claustrophobic. now its his usual excuse.
and then they watched phantom again. i got fetched by my uncle to join the rest of my family in counting down. its not fair. i can rmbr so much but nothing can be retrieved. and just a song can bring back so much. it just signifies and spells out the moment.
christine...now im thinking around october when christine found my blog and how later when phantom came out she went to watch it and now how we're in the same class and its just surreal. like how its back to classmates after so many years. hmmm.

couple of weeks ago i heard unwritten on radio again. that was the first song i wrote down on my notebook. the first thing. on my new notebook at the start of the 2005 school year, in the night, tired from orientation, pretty sure and happy about my og. how it was the start of a new day. the dawn of a new beginning like how that song means: the rest is still unwritten. the feel of jc being so different. so fun. so diverse. so fresh. so...different. now look at where we are. somewhat jaded by school but still loving it, except in a different way. i have abandoned my og. dehui came up to talk to me the other day i was very surprised but somewhat pleased. he also gave up on the kcove but yeah. there was nothing much to be said. it shows. and now im thinking im just so glad how the class has turned out. faction initiation was a nightmare cuz we didnt know our class. but now we do and those first impressions almost dont count for anything anymore.
haha first impressions that dont matter. first impressions are usually wrong impressions so why do we still bother with them?
shakira's songs will bring back memories of sec 2. underneath your clothes was a scandalous dedication piece in the canteen. whenever wherever was like a theme song.
tide is high brings back the pole dance glory.
ode to my family is the interclassDI theme. norah jones' dont know why invokes aruna and cheryl. stefanie sun' stefanie brings back december 2004 blues and the christmas feeling. the blue christmas feeling. stefanie's tonight i feel close to you and when you believe brings nash to mind. brings singing to mind. and then im listening to avril and michelle branch and they just bring so much comfort because i can crawl inside their songs and know i will be safe if i just linger a little bit more. you know. just stay there and not change one bit. stay like that. stay this way.

please say you'll stay, forever this way.
yeah nice song. jewel. jewel brings me back to prischool days, when i will sleep to it as my sister listens as she studies. but jewel also brings df04 to mind. standing still. standing still and love psychedelico somehow go together, and i remember my dad sending me to gwc with those two songs playing on radio. and speaking of radio if it wasnt for it i wld never have liked ashlee simpson. or maybe i wld neverhave been such a great fan.
so really cant u see how much music makes up our lives. or my life at least. each song has its feel documented, not to say it will never change, but it does retain that feel no matter what because it is powerful and you remember. there is a tune to follow. to guide your heart.
but we just keep moving on and on and on. we change so easily. we are fickle beings. we flicker too. and one day we will be gone. that day on DH bree said whatever time they have left together, they shld be nice to each other. and yeah i was thinking how true for everyone. how can we even bother to quarrel and all that when what we have is less than a century. maybe lesser. and lesser. and one day we wont even have time to say goodbye to those we want to say goodbye to. and i have already lost the chance to say goodbye to some. i may never meet them again. and yet i was being so bad and saying mean stuff. and its just a huge regret, not being the best and nice and just doing what's right. i lost the chance to. i had it but i didnt use it.
so now its really a matter of setting things straight. in 10 years time look at how many pple will be married. in 20 years time your friends will have kids. in 2 years time we go to different places, countries maybe, and we will lose touch with some, for sure. and its only a matter of time where u lose touch with those whom u thought u wld be with forever. but u were wrong. u were so wrong because we dont really control such stuff. everyone boils down to an individual within him. and he has his own life to lead. and we cannot be following others and thinking too much about the past because we are puppets of time. passengers. just like one another. one day we vanish. we evaporate. and all that is left will be ashes. how the mighty will fall and the tiny consume our flesh six feet under. or the flames at last consume us. lick at us. lick at our soul, if there ever was one. and we fade away into oblivion. into nothingness.
think. if u had no religion that's the reality you deal with. religion was just created so that pple wont have to search endlessly for answers. right? so that when u cant explain something u just turn to faith for comfort. to try to believe so eventually u bluff urself into thinking u really believe, but not because u do, but because u need to if not u will just crumble inside and cry. the previous niptuck episode elucidated that. that at the end of the day we often turn to religion only when we need it. if there was no consequence what for believe?we do not know for sure. and without it we would just crumble. we would. crumble. and fall to pieces. many pieces. hopes shattered and minds tortured by the prospect of being nothing all over again. of non existence. oh if u have to believe something, now believe that.

oreintation batch dance plays. guess what? i heard council already has pple planning for orientation next year! so what? we are going to become yesterday all over again. we are! just like sec 4. fading into exams cuz that will be all that matters. why are we even doing all of this. think! dont just think of life and future and job and money and survival. think about why u even exist! they played the whole freestyler song on radio the other day. i liked that so much more. it detatched a little from the real memory u see.

ok so life. let's talk about life. my ct results havent been good. but im ok with it cuz i know i will improve. because i have to. see such little things keep us occupied. like pw, like econs, like house stuff. speaking of which if nobody likes the mt shirt design its fine cuz its my fault. haha but yeah let's hope its not too plain lah. seriously all blame shld be put on the inflexible tshirt manufacturer. so lots of things coming up. suddenly all ccas want to meet at the same time. when they have been slack and dormant for so long. ok so there will be rp and ra. and art club has been meeting of course. art exhibition soon. thats cool. house is coming along too. fun stuff to loook out for. hmm im happier now cuz like my mind is distracted by such stuff. i didnt go for art the other day cuz of neil gaiman! it was worth it. the wait was worth it! i got to shake mr. gaiman's hand thank you! photos as proof too! haha. yayy such things keep me going. neil gaiman is truly a genius. believe that!

i think about some blogs that i visit but do not read. cuz i cant be bothered with the long entries cuz im simply not interested in that person's life. and yeah im thinking i dont do that to close frens but im sure they do that to me. which makes me feel damn insulted cuz that means they arent interested in my life. which im sure at least one person feels that way. but then again i dont need it. so go away. im thinking of the words of cherishing whatever time we have left with each other. so im going to be nice.

on a happier note ms kelly gave birth to baby elise on july3 at 318am! congratulations to her and her husband! that's really really happy news. so happy for her. each minute as we are preoccupied with something. something big happens in somebody else's life elsewhere. like they die, or give birth, or score well, or strike rich, or fall sick, or be diagnosed with cancer, or find a gold coin because they have nothing else, not even clothes. yeah or if u read on the papers, someone gets kidnapped or raped, or gets chopped into pieces. pieces. so yeah face it we are not alone but we are alone in our own lives. nobody else can live it for you. so we are indeed, alone.

sometimes pple do stuff that really touch you. i am thankful to hanee and liyana and xtine for their birthday presents! u guys didnt have to remember but u did! so thanks! even tho i know some ofmy frens didnt forget, they havent given it to me yet which leaves me slightly piqued because i dunno, it seems as if i dont matter that much. perfect ive brought the happy tone down again. examine my tone and note its fluctuations. read my lips. follow my tongue. lead my rips.

i would really like to think im special. that because i understand myself most i must know smthing more that others dont. but i cant even draw a graph without making a mistake. without erasing. i am not perfect! stunning revelation to the ego! stubborn ego.
my grown up christmas list. im thinking that pple shldnt try to break into other pples lives esp if u dont know that person but just think he's/she's cool or nice. it is wrong. u shld know ur limits and be happy with yourself. u dont need anybody else u can be yourself.
be yourself is all that you can do!

i figure im really inexperienced in the designing industry so up against pple like jason and philip my designs really look amateur. but i swear im gonna practise real hard. and do my best to you know at least earn a niche. something i need something. now if you are a stranger and u read thus far, shame on you. you dont know me but u want to know me. but if u are a fren and u skipped to this, shame on you too. my life is more interesting than the parts you choose to read. in fact, my life isnt my blog. it is different.

jerk it out.

i turn to the rainbow

i turn to the rainbow
when i need to see colours

but the rainbow only comes after the rain

and i dont like the rain.

i need the asthma spray

i need the chocolate and cherry pie

because i am impatient or because i really need them

i dont know.

i turn to you
because i want you
but maybe because i had no other choice

i wish you could hear my voice.

the rain brings nothing but pain

and shackles and chain

the blood leaves a stain

are we humane?

your rainbow cancels out the pure blue
but i still see blue. dont explain that.

see it. feel it. the vapour sprays onto me.

and i dont need my asthma spray anymore.

no little kid deserves to be disadvantaged because of that.
a breathing problem.

he should be given whatever he wants.

a chocolate bar. a cherry pie. sweet things. happy things.

because he only has so little time

before he wants bigger things.

like a car. or wine. or alternative pleasures.

so capture that innocence in a bottle.

show them how to spring their hopes and plant them like little flowers.

hear their voice. feel their pain.

it is common. as one. for you know it. you understand if you try.

make them laugh, not cry.

i tell you what. give them a paper and some crayons.

let them do some colouring. every likes to colour. i mean, liked.

so let them colour, and they will colour their own house, own tree,

own rainbow- a life is mapped out.
let them colour their lives, but dont you dare turn away.

clean up the stains, your stains, and

be there, when they turn to you.

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12:18 PM