otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009

Sunday, April 24, 2005
the first time ever i saw your face

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the end of the skies

And the first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hand
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last, till the end of time, my love

The first time ever I saw your face
Your face
Your face
Your face

firstly happy birthday junyi. 17 is such a big number even though im inching towards it by the second. strange how a number defines us. our maturity. yet i am willing to be confined by it. it makes it all better. all that order. when i become 17, i dont know what i'll do. birthday celebrations nowadays with my family is the ultimate mundane thing. there is less and less to talk about. there is so much stifling air around me now shit.

another week has past. my perfectly well scripted entry encrypted with all aspects of my emotions got scrapped by a perfectly screwed up net connection - so its no more and gone.

because of that, and because of many many other things, im beginning to lose faith in fate. im beginning to realize that maybe what we do is up to us after all. that sometimes when we lose something, its not okay, because we could have done something but we didnt and what stopped us wasn't fate but our conscious selves.

delirium said to destiny, in his garden: "do you know why i stopped being delight, my brother?"
silence.
"I do. there are things not in your book. there are paths outside this garden. you would do well to remember that"

the week has passed. a very busy hectic week. i went through my RA interview and the painful effort of finishing my article on racism finally concluded, attended the 26th Singapore Lecture by South African President Thabo Mbeki, participated in the Raffles Asia Programme Opening Ceremony with Prof Tommy Koh. So somehow or rather, a very intellectual week, grinding myself through rolly's position paper too, and more or less keeping up with the academic pace.

did i mention i am very afraid of accomplishing nothing but mediocrity in JC? yes i am very afraid of that so i dont know where i stand now in life really. i am not happy at all. i know i could be happier. ARGH.

sometimes some other pple are so lucky but they dont realize it. or maybe they do realize it but they just dont show it, which makes me wish i could be somewhat like that. oh i know i had such moments. but somehow there are higher mountains out there, around me, and i'll not be content till i grow. grow. so live.

so live.

on how we resist change. i somehow am welcoming change now. i dont care cuz i just want all this to go away. i want my mind to be cleansed. we are shallow beings. a single item or event can change our mindset forever. how fickle can we get? that's why we are not taken seriously cuz we are fools.

what is forever. i thought the write up on brief lives was excellent. it moved me. any duration is brief. even eternity, for, eternity is a duration in itself. thus eternity is brief. and some of us may live longer than others, but we all get the same thing at the end of the beautiful day. we get a lifetime. and no more, no less. it is what we get, what we are meant to get. but wait. who are they to control us. i am a HUGE fan of neil gaiman now and since long ago Alan Moore too. but gaiman's genius is beyond words. i cant wait to get his autograph when he comes to town.

on friday i met allen. he came back! allen if u are reading this pls tag!
somehow that made me a little happier even though i didnt appear so. you know. talking after all that time. just cleared my spirits up a little. you know, if i were to die, who would i talk to if i had to choose between those i know now and those i knew and have faded into the background. for some those that have faded remain close at heart, and i can feel them with every pulse. da-dub. da-dub.

well i guess im not the only slightly depressed one.

been feeling breathless nowadays. and it doesnt go away as easy as it used to. im not sick, but its still there. its been there for a longgg time. i dont want to suffer actually. i dont want to be on some oxygen tank. if its my time, i would rather go. right now, if things dont get better. just go.

just go and be go n e.

3:19 AM