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Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato. Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar CREATEUR ALLEY Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Britney: May Day ahhhh so much hmwk everyone's really screwed because of that. so much for a long and relaxing may day weekend. the breaks this whole week were much appreciated but we'd rather mac and perry not give us so much work to make up for their lost time. grrr. 95% okay today i was moderately productive. woke up and cried but soon snapped back into work. completed gp essay on Why Marry (all that crap. i guess im a romantic when it all comes down), and just finished translating the Lodovico extract into prose. Urgh. Looking back on it everything sounds wrong. so contrived, so cliched. irksome ewwww. but yeah heck. i know i exceeded both word limits but too bad im too lazy! 96% okay so homework/stuff left to do: - Othello Text Based Essay - Silas Marner Text Based Essay - Silas Marner Journal (sidenote for myself: finish reading the damn book first) - Math Tutorial 8A - History Questions (rolly promised to send them but lets hope he forgets?) - Kwok's position paper prep (ive learnt my lesson) - Kwok's term essay (dont wanna be a delinquent. going to USA!) - Class Party (respite. everyone's using the word respite.) - RA Footwear Design (stupid trial failed me. dlding again and its taking so bloody long.) - Project Work Journal + PI 97% very good, so many things to do and we're still having a party! haha was telling hanyi that no other class can be as crazy as us. whee! somehow there's the 'tong gan gong ku' element of it all so i dont mind. just hoping to rush out one more major assignment before 3pm tmr. right now i cant decide how stupid right. 99% (if it doesnt work im gonna kill it) britney spears has been playing the whole day. she's just too groovy to miss haha i never saw myself as her fan but now im considering it. sure she's yucky lah, haha as yeeler put she's "yucks. double yucks" (ironic) but how can u deny her songs? she's good innocent and she's good slutty too so why not. Completed 3hrs 22mins. (yeah right more like 5 hours) okay yayy its finally installing but its making my com lag like shit. heee cant wait to start designing again its really exciting using photoshop! this version's the CS2 one so shld be even better! ok lagggg super laggg. bleah. ok this week went alright. quite relaxing with more breaks in between. makes me wonder how we'll survive next week. hmmm. mr reeves has been rather stressed. haha his premonition of students blogging abt him is coming true right now. well, i guess the weather has been making everyone stressed. its been hot and humid, deadly combination. so anw lotsa pple fell sick. chengchai got food poisoning after we set up the george eliot shrine. jean and trix were absent on thursday. daryl got foot rot. navjote bluslipped after PW. pek lost her voice. glen kept coughing like he had tb. but luckily trix reminded me that we were all vaccinated against it so phew. yeah the list goes on lah. and lately, not to mention some emotional sickness. junyi had a post of disappointment, cc seems bogged down with council, yeeler, well- let's just hope everything will pass soon. as im sure it will. wont it. sigh. well to everyone get well and cheer up at least now im in some position to comfort others and im using it well :] strange. the weeks just gloss by like we dont matter. i fear its all going by too fast again. philosophising. today i was telling alan about how im going to US and about my earth club. i told him- im so happy, for once i know what i really want and what im doing. and he replied, yeah knowing what you want is always hard. all problems stem from that. hmm somehow that moved me. i wonder how long this can last. "ive just begun, having my fun" how long can anything last? hmm there have been some pple i thought i cldnt talk much too, but ive talked quite a bit with them this week. and some others whom im beginning to feel detached from, but i dont care. "that's my prerogative" art club notice board is up! cant say i helped much but yeah we had so much fun! its the nicest ok! yayy! and while im still sounding hyper, i guess i have nothing left to say. maybe i shld go "do smthin'" oh yeah mr kwok is super funny. hanyi yeeler christine and i went to look for him for the US thing and we caught him in the lift going down. "where are u going mr kwok?" "canteen. im FAMISHED" "oh mr kwok did u dye your hair?" "huh? (strokes his mane) no lah i didnt dye. i HIGHLIGHTED." "(wooowwww)" "cannot dye. cannot be too LOUD. issit obvious? at least it can be seen, so not wasted." "you mean LOUD like your shirt...mr kwok must teachers wear SHIRTS to school?" "yes, must look PRESENTABLE." "but mr kwok then u shld tuck out ur shirt more" yeah it went smthing like that haha damn funny in retrospect. ok so now im running for house comm. humans and RA results coming out SOON. im spooked out. what if. what if. i really hope things go my way. just this once! let it be smooth! no glitches! i wonder if i can handle the blogging competition and rp3. but nvm i wanna do big things now. if i cldnt get council and all that i might as well devote myself to other stuff. hmm really wanted to take part in orientation, but looks like i'll choose the US over it. thanks for pple's advice and ready support from my parents. feel so blessed at times. hmm speaking of family i could cry about it but i shant bother. what can i do i was born into this family and yeah. that's it. been writing poems/songs on the LT6 tablets this week. shall copy them here soon. "Christmas Time" "Burn" i love writing stuff like that. its therapeutic. hmm britney's songs are like universally applicable. song to listen or sing when: 1) uve made a mistake or just watched titanic- oops i did it again 2) when u fall helplessly in love or sweat and pant too much - im a slave for u 3) when ure indignant or feeling like lindsay lohan- my prerogative 4) when u just brokeup or love doing silver bouncy chairs- stronger 5) when ure feeling sexy or wanna kill someone- toxic 6) when ure having fun - ive just begun (having my fun) 7) when u wanna rock and roll - i love rock and roll 8) when u have a crush or are in school and the bell rings- baby one more time 9) when u wanna get in the zone and play with swings- me against the music 10) when u wanna throw urself at someone - born to make u happy 11) when u need a little luck - lucky 12) when ure lamenting about patterns in life/ wanna commit suicide in the bathtub- everytime 13) when u dont wanna stop - crazy 14) when u feel trapped - overprotected 15) when u feel schizo - sometimes 16) when u feel gay - boys 17) when ure on a freak show - outrageous 18) when ure midway thru puberty (females only) - not a girl, not yet a woman 19) when u feel bored - do somethin' 20) when ure feeling slutty - all of the above. okay go ahead and call me a britney fan. lots of stuff to do. goodnight. Happy May Day!
9:32 AM
Thursday, April 28, 2005
My Hands Write Me For Me Basic Handwriting Analysis By The Handwriting Wizard.com Programmed by the Faculty of Handwriting University.com ***** Introduction to Handwriting Analysis ***** Handwriting Analysis can identify your sub-conscious and conscious personality traits. These traits relate to your behavior, motivations, sexuality, ambitions, and other personality variations. It can also tell you about your ambition, the fears that you've suffered and developed since childhood, emotions, as well as current feelings and frustration at the time of the writing sample. Now, this on-line self-test does not pretend to replace the wisdom and experience of a professional handwriting expert. Only a veteran can spot the subtle distinctions of a pen lift, pen stroke, or tiny angle that could be the difference between a good trait or a bad trait. However, this "Handwriting Wizard" self-test has been proven surprisingly accurate, despite the obvious problem of using a novice's eyes to spot and translate the information into the computer. We hope you are impressed and convinced that learning handwriting analysis for yourself can provide a lifetime of benefits. Many people wonder why handwriting analysis is so accurate despite the fact their handwriting seems to "change all the time." While it is true that handwriting can detect moods at the time of the writing sample, usually only a few of the hundreds of traits change over a period of time. The emotional traits revealed in handwriting tell the emotional response of the person at the time the writing sample was written. These can vary with the person's mood. Most personality traits will be revealed regardless of mood change or emotional circumstance. Therefore, handwriting delivers the best of two worlds: the present state of mind and the overall disposition someone. For complete answers to dozens of Frequently Asked Questions, please visit our FAQ page. http://myhandwriting.com/FAQ/ In addition to "depth of feeling" and "emotional responses" that are shown in handwriting, hundreds of individually identifiable personality traits are evident. These include traits such as self-esteem, self-confidence, goals, fears, defenses, sensitiveness (and in which areas), initiative, enthusiasm, sexual needs, and the list goes on and on. What's more, you can even change yourself by using the new science of Grapho-Therapy. Handwriting Analysis is used by top corporations worldwide, private institutions, psychologist, and even the FBI. Because of the growing acceptance of this tool to identify personality and assist in predicting behavior, handwriting analysis is quickly becoming a favorite field of study from amateurs to professionals. We hope you enjoy this "basic personality overview" and look forward to teaching you exactly how you can learn this much information and even more as a Graduate of Handwriting University's Certification Level Home Study Course. Sincerely, Clarissa TiaraHandwriting Wizard Customer Support Teamhttp://handwritinguniversity.com/ ******* The Analysis Starts Here ******* For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space.?If the inputted data was correct Yo has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper.?Yo fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom.?Hmmm.牋 If this is true, then Yo has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people.?I would be surprised if Yo?just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator.牋?This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want.?There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Yo finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble.?(Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?)?Basically, people with no margins are a handful. Something is incomplete in Yo's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Yo's sexual needs. Yo is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time. Yo's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Yo that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Yo also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Yo is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Yo's self-concept is artificially low. Yo will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Yo to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Yo is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken. In reference to Yo's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Yo slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project. He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Yo can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip. Yo will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it! Yo uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Yo does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise. Yo will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally. Yo is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?" People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially.?According to the data input, Yo doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
6:33 AM
Sunday, April 24, 2005
the first time ever i saw your face The first time ever I saw your face I thought the sun rose in your eyes And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave To the dark and the end of the skies And the first time ever I kissed your mouth I felt the earth move in my hand Like the trembling heart of a captive bird That was there at my command, my love And the first time ever I lay with you I felt your heart so close to mine And I knew our joy would fill the earth And last, till the end of time, my love The first time ever I saw your face Your face Your face Your face firstly happy birthday junyi. 17 is such a big number even though im inching towards it by the second. strange how a number defines us. our maturity. yet i am willing to be confined by it. it makes it all better. all that order. when i become 17, i dont know what i'll do. birthday celebrations nowadays with my family is the ultimate mundane thing. there is less and less to talk about. there is so much stifling air around me now shit. another week has past. my perfectly well scripted entry encrypted with all aspects of my emotions got scrapped by a perfectly screwed up net connection - so its no more and gone. because of that, and because of many many other things, im beginning to lose faith in fate. im beginning to realize that maybe what we do is up to us after all. that sometimes when we lose something, its not okay, because we could have done something but we didnt and what stopped us wasn't fate but our conscious selves. delirium said to destiny, in his garden: "do you know why i stopped being delight, my brother?" silence. "I do. there are things not in your book. there are paths outside this garden. you would do well to remember that" the week has passed. a very busy hectic week. i went through my RA interview and the painful effort of finishing my article on racism finally concluded, attended the 26th Singapore Lecture by South African President Thabo Mbeki, participated in the Raffles Asia Programme Opening Ceremony with Prof Tommy Koh. So somehow or rather, a very intellectual week, grinding myself through rolly's position paper too, and more or less keeping up with the academic pace. did i mention i am very afraid of accomplishing nothing but mediocrity in JC? yes i am very afraid of that so i dont know where i stand now in life really. i am not happy at all. i know i could be happier. ARGH. sometimes some other pple are so lucky but they dont realize it. or maybe they do realize it but they just dont show it, which makes me wish i could be somewhat like that. oh i know i had such moments. but somehow there are higher mountains out there, around me, and i'll not be content till i grow. grow. so live. so live. on how we resist change. i somehow am welcoming change now. i dont care cuz i just want all this to go away. i want my mind to be cleansed. we are shallow beings. a single item or event can change our mindset forever. how fickle can we get? that's why we are not taken seriously cuz we are fools. what is forever. i thought the write up on brief lives was excellent. it moved me. any duration is brief. even eternity, for, eternity is a duration in itself. thus eternity is brief. and some of us may live longer than others, but we all get the same thing at the end of the beautiful day. we get a lifetime. and no more, no less. it is what we get, what we are meant to get. but wait. who are they to control us. i am a HUGE fan of neil gaiman now and since long ago Alan Moore too. but gaiman's genius is beyond words. i cant wait to get his autograph when he comes to town. on friday i met allen. he came back! allen if u are reading this pls tag! somehow that made me a little happier even though i didnt appear so. you know. talking after all that time. just cleared my spirits up a little. you know, if i were to die, who would i talk to if i had to choose between those i know now and those i knew and have faded into the background. for some those that have faded remain close at heart, and i can feel them with every pulse. da-dub. da-dub. well i guess im not the only slightly depressed one. been feeling breathless nowadays. and it doesnt go away as easy as it used to. im not sick, but its still there. its been there for a longgg time. i dont want to suffer actually. i dont want to be on some oxygen tank. if its my time, i would rather go. right now, if things dont get better. just go. just go and be go n e.
3:19 AM
Monday, April 18, 2005
the entry of pity today is a day full of pity. not anything to do with me, its just that sometimes i dont know whether i shld feel glad that i have a heart, a rather soft one. i actually feel for people that i dont really know, in a strange way. its 2am and i just heard carrie chong's touching story, as she always has one every night, except i never blog about them. well now i am. and i dunno sometimes we're just more fortunate than others? more fortunate than we think we are? it is uncanny how much our expectations rise when we get more. nobody wants something as simple like a rag doll with clothes nowadays. not in this country. maybe. so you see i wanna help but i really dunno what to do. i guess, as much as im consumed in my own feelings, thinking im being a saint just having that bit of concern in me- im actually not doing much to help. i have the sudden urge to donate all my ang bao money to charity. but it seems to fake of me to do so. and i know i wont do that. sigh. anyway stuff like the unpopular pple in campaign, but nevertheless sincere and deserving; those who lost their loved ones due to natural disasters, and i guess it never hit me till one rj guy was affected; and those way out there, in the dumps, i wish i could do something. white houses on radio. the song just spirits me away. into lala land. but its supposed to be about losing virginity. oh well. u see im sitting here in front of a computer listening to the radio talking about virginity (gosh tata young now- how wrong) when somewhere someone is dying and crying with grief. you know the social studies textbook when there's this sri lankan woman crying? yeah that sight really aches my heart a lot. i mean, that could be me, and i cld almost understand how exactly it feels like. u know i wonder if i takee the pple around me for granted sometimes. i guess so. sigh its true that u never really know what u have till u lose it. only then u cherish it. argh! those people are helpless i can feel it! if i had magical powers i wld use it for good. really. today i slept went i reached home, after having sprained my leg at floorball cuz of my new 2 inch high shoes. it was a nice bus ride home with alan btw. we just kept laughing and laughing about his silly lit teachers. "nothing much lar...very easy one what, dont have to read again" said lim. hahaha! so yeah the point is i didnt really do any hmwk? and im barely started with my RA article. which means tomorrow, long day, im doomed. almost. still hafta come up with a smashin design. i dont know what i'll do. there's just so much to do. position paper too. anw i love rolly's lesson. i also like it when our teachers talk about their children. mr reeves is so admirable when he talks abt his daughter. yeah i guess i'll feel that way too. when he talked abt how time flies, and how it moves at different speeds (well he implied it), i dunno- cld totally relate to it. i can see my whole life dealing with time and chances and life and choices. bleah. and did i mention my og is dying? and i regret some choices after voting council today. jonk kicked up a whole fuss with alan. expected. childish? maybe. issit me or do ryanS and glenL share the same birthday? im flying without wings...i want to go to heaven, yet i want to live and dream. take a moment to think about those who deserve our pity ok? and think of those whom we dont pay attention to usually. who loves them? i think that's the least they deserve. our thoughts. our kind thoughts and helpful thoughts. cuz maybe someone up there will hear us and do something about it. i hope i dont become like that next time. i'd rather pity than be pitied. is that selfish? i dunno. maybe not actually. its human nature. but then, is caring in our nature? yes yes. it has to be. dont lose faith in humanity. i want to watch more touching shows. i want to read touching books. i want to be moved. i want to cry out loud again. because it has been so long since ive done that. really cry...i just want to let any remnants out for good. but since when, im unable to do it. its just stuck, those genuine tears of sadness of pity of kindness of the mind. sigh. "our memories- they can be inviting. but some are altogether mighty frightening"
11:02 AM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
the entry of worry ok first up im incredibly worried about what hodge said at the talk for parents. shu-min: bad news! hodge said the first day interviewees were too stiff and didn't let our personalities show! it seems that we were not really impressive and according to huanna our answers to the "why rjc" question were less than inspiring. for one i guess that was one of my weakest question but gosh to think that we didnt make an impact as a whole? im really shocked. even if its not for myself, for the rest who went on the first day. man, what more could we have done? i really tried my best so i guess as ccc and trix put it, i shld not worry. somehow everyone else seems more zen than me. gee i dunno maybe im just not too confident in myself. please let me get the scholarship! and please let the class stay together! ok. so i havent really done as much this weekend. except learnt a little more about photoshop. and more about sandman. ive done half of PW, more or less finish with the design part of RA interview preparation, read Seasons of Mists [Sandman Volume IV], done econs tys mcq (so many queries in my head argh!), bought new shoes (yayy) -- oh wait, that's it? ok so now im left with 2 position papers, the article part of RA mag, my other library books (alan moore rocks!), the economistsssssssss (overdue copies), PW, silas marner journal, uniform shirt size 15 to buy, blaaaaa. somehow, no matter what i do, i always feel like im behind the game. i'll never catch up i guess. not totally. more stuff will keep coming. this is a worry-filled entry. and that does not bode well. why can't i be super positive?! i want to be smart, successful, rich, famous maybe, popular, humble, good natured, powerful, charming, magical, perfect- all at once. why can't i be that? or believe that i am? okok and i need to upload more songs to my zen micro because ive been neglecting it. suddenly i feel the urge to hang out with friends and not care about work. or maybe, sleep alone forever... and now as i sit here i wonder, who are the five people i will meet in heaven?
8:52 AM
Thursday, April 14, 2005
the pearl alright i shall officially break the monotony of the 'weekly' update ritual. haha. noticed i used monotony! the same word hodge used to describe my results. ... haha well the humans interview went alright i guess. left school early (tho not as early as chengchai and trixia who abandoned math lecture, in which joanne lui incidentally pmsed at lawrence's 'insolent' humour) and skipped kwok's lecture with the rest. we (huanna zhifeng hanyi shumin ying terence yeeler etc.) ate at j8's food junction before walking around buying sweets and finally reaching there at about 130pm. the few of us (huanna zhifeng hanyi shumin ying and me) met wong siew hoong below the buliding, at the ATM machine haha and we said hi. just as they were talking about his wife he came from behind and started talking to zhifeng. mwhahaha. but he was nice, i suddenly had a sense of assurance come over me after his wise words of encouragement. when we arrived at the podium level 3 we saw chengchai burying his face in his hands, as if he was crying, while a bevy of fellow classmates crowded around him. haha i really thought he was crying but alas from what he recounted i figure he did very well. the same went for yeeler and many others who felt they gave risky answers, but when i heard it i felt that as an interviewer i wld actually be impressed and interested in that person. chengchai spoke words of wisdom about the theatre scene, lust, circumcision, trannies and what have you. yee ler joked around with them as usual i guess but i was really amused by the fact that he chose to recommend wee kim wee's book- glimpses into the past or smthing like that. hahaha so politically correct! so a few more went in and came out and recounted their experiences to us. imagine! it was actually more nervewrecking to listen abt other pple's interviews than not knowing abt it at all. anw my mind was in a whirl and i was so entertained by the juicy experiences that i didnt bother to continue with The Pearl or look thru some prep stuff i brought along. smthing in me just made me feel confident that if i followed my heart i wld be fine. so terry came out and when the bell rang i created my first unglam moment. thinking that the interview was in room 17, as indicated on the letter, i went to the door, knocked on it and opened. what greeted me was pitch blackness and total malu-ness. how himbotic! it was only then i realized that room 19 had a large sign saying HUMANS INTERVIEW and feeling stupid i knocked on the door anyway and came face to face with the panel of three- hodge, winnie, and the man. so anyway i was quite calm by then as they eased me into the questions. tho i figured i flopped my first question by answering it in one sentence. [tell us about your preparation for O levels] afterward i cldnt believe that i was speaking so freely and easily, until i met some questions that stumped me [what would your class lose if they lacked you]. but on the whole the mood was cordial and i managed to illicit plenty of smiles and a few laughs so - i can only hope for the best. of course i wished i cld do it all over again but well that was my chance and i guess i made the best i cld out of it. i guessed i convinced them that humans was my passion and for hodge, that the pearl is indeed a great book. hahaha you shldve seen his face when i mentioned that book. apparently he read it many times but didnt like it. whee! with much conviction i defended john steinbeck. haha sheesh. the woman kept nodding her head and smiling and me and writing stuff down. my most unfavourite question was posed by the man, whoever he is. [you were warrant officer in red cross. how did u do it?] technically it is a valid question, but he was pretty condescending about it but heck i think i managed to salvage some dignity. oh well. maybe im overanalyzing this whole thing but on the whole- i felt alright so hopefully and with all luck i left a lasting good impression on them. prithee give me the scholarship i really really want it so bad dont you know how thankful i would be? i will study everyday if need be! (ahem) meanwhile i wld like to thank a few pple for the interview- my classmates for being there and mutually supportive (yes even terence who commented that i looked HAGGARD- i mean like (chengchai style) whatever! haha nah just joking) our seniors esp those from 1a01a for giving us advice my sister for her usual flippant advice the panel (maybe only if they give it to me) my parents for being relatively supportive alan for his directions on buona vista mrt zee for watching the interpreter with me and taking my mind away for awhile the teachers esp. mcconnell who gave us tips and reassurance wong siew hoong for his enlightenment and last but not least... mdm ng day yorke and her assistant for taking our calls. reminds me of robin. {ok, you can go in now} mwhahaha. hmmm this waiting period is even harder than all the campaigning thats going on right now. the more i think about it the more i worry about those low profile people who really deserve it but are just not popular enough to garner sufficient votes. i already envision these pple. those who didnt get enough cheers when they went up. i think im gonna vote for some of them even tho theyre completely strangers. but 10 votes- suddenly seems like not enough. the speeches were fun to watch i thoroughly enjoyed the AA one, the rubbish bin one, akshay's one, and cc's home one. hahaha. must thank him for the desperate housewives poster btw. whee. how i wish i was campaigning. there is this sudden vision of me not holding any position in the future. just being a student with his studies and you know, having a boring life. a not busy one. a non-enriching one. how?! i dont want that to happen! but i see it coming. maybe im just too caught up with the whole process. im letting others affect me. oh well. may it be. oh yeah borrowed sandman from the library. shall feast upon them soon. nash is hyper about it. alright. a busy weekend ahead now. napoleon, econs, ra mag, uniform...enough to occupy me. i feel like im busy for the wrong reasons. hmmm. i guess ive to live my own life yeah. p.s. cant believe that america chose Scott over Nadia. disgusting! repulsive! fie on them! its smthing like jennifer hudson. except no one expected that. hmmm lets see i really like Bo, Nadia, Anwar, Constantine. The rest can lose for all i care. like really. undeserving. strange tho. im usually on the girl power side but this year the guys are just much more interesting. i like the rock factor and uniqueness they have. girl power is getting boring (without fantasia or jenny) and just when nadia was bringing smthing new, america dumps her. how ingrateful! just like poor jenny! frankly i felt nadia's song When I Dream was inspiring. shall try to listen to bohemian rhapsody again. hmmm. really smthing needs to be done. imagine. 34 million votes. not enough for everyone. and then u contrast it with school council. pathetic. anw news flash for jennifer hudson. her EP is coming out real soon! keep a lookout. www.jenniferhudsonmusic.com. shit its so late again. so much for sleeping in the afternoon. now ive to earn it all back again. >> offhand>> dont u just love the conjured word "fcukstrated"? im fascinated. goodnight. and thanks liyana for kelly's album. to quit or not to quit. to aim or not to aim. to be or not to be.
10:15 AM
Sunday, April 10, 2005
hey ho, the wind and the rain im listening to abba now becuz its about time i actually returned my cousins their stuff!!! so it has been yet another week and actually im not complaining about my lack of frequent updates. cuz a week is a nice pace but then if u make it a weekly thing u are, instead of liberated, bounded by the chains of routine. thats why im blogging now instead of completing that math tutorial. needless to say AP and GP is a waste of time. its one of those fancy math topics with patterns and tricks that make u go gaga- for a while. anyhow just before i forget i must mention that it was especially meaningful to get zhengyi his present from the few of us. it just made me feel complete somehow. well, many birthdays to go now. special thanks to cc for his invaluable collection of untouched books. or shld i say unscathed cuz they are in perfect condition. yep. i'll have a share in that happy wreck! (evil grin) speaking of birthdays just went to aparna's party yesterday at her block 1 abode. took me less than 5 mins to walk over and it was so cool cuz altho pandan valley's still pandan valley no matter where u go, its very much different everywhere. the lift was tiny! i felt claustro-conscious in that 3 by 2 box. so anw as aptly put by claudia i felt like a little boy at my mom's grown up function party with all the scary aunties and uncles asking me silly questions like where do i study and all. haha but it wasnt that bad i enjoyed myself listening to all their gossip and then mag came and we talked and ate and aparna had her cake cut...birthday song and all that jazz. very homely feel- ive never had a birthday celebration outside family before, believe it or not. wonder how it feels! well later we adjourned to her veranda which was like a little garden of Eden especially with the wooden swing and carpet grass and all. comfy! everyone just lounged there and chatted under the stars, with Mag staring mindfully at the window above- her window! haha! aparna's room was another paradise altogether! lots of nick nacks and we had some time to nose around her stuff. haha! i had the right mind to steer clean of QAF but sat glued to Alias later on. it was fun to watch, tho i was probably the least of fans over there. by that time kelly and the silly sophie were already gone, along with other pple, so it was left with aparna (duh), myself, mag, kitson and shoojee as they call him watching Alias season 4 episode 14 i think! geesh! anw it was a good gathering we didnt really do much but talk around and soon it was 12 and aparna called it wraps. yep it was kind of her to invite us so thanks! the only pity was that i missed ashlee, again! argh! lucky today i caught charmed's rerun so i did get to see charisma carpenter in action. poor girl she got killed in the end. quite a good episode overall wasnt really as stupid as it seemed. i guess the seer deserved a shot at a human life. so sad. ok im moping about events IN the tv that's even sadder but well nothing cld be as sad as falling sick on tuesday! i did and it backlashed the whole week cuz i continued feeling shitty and stuff. argh cldnt go for the movie with mike so i felt quite bad abt it but sigh now im better i swear i'll take care of myself from now on!!! rmbr thats what i said after the DF sick saga? sucks lah. hate hate hate falling sick. anw smthing that happened on wed morning made me realize that our health is the most impt. and i sort of had an epiphany that one day i wld like all other humans succumb to the weakness of my health. drats. but i was damn scared. i cldve passed out everything was just so....nvm. well 12th night was great fun! haha i tot it was a excellent rendition of the play and it helped lots that we understood what it was all about! mcconnell was adorable as malvolio and the girl who played aguecheek was pretty funny too! kudos to feste (loved how he sang at the mike), maria, toby and basically everyone cuz yep it was a good watch. i dont agree that it was amateur, as someone said cant rmbr who, but that wld just be snobbish a view. didnt like viola though. what was with her eyes? anw its been exco and politics recently and i havent been participating readily cuz of my sickness and the fact that its only been 4 months makes it so daunting. cant stand those pple who are ambitious. i mean yeah they know their place but i just wish they wld tone down and come back down to earth. along with this there are a lot of snobbish pple around me i realized and noone is really altruistic in that sense. everyones selfish and i wonder how frenships work under such conditions. when people can be nice but be damn snobbish in mindset underneath it all. cant be bothered with them honestly. im gonna be self sufficient from now on. sometimes im reminded and feel blessed to have good friends by my side, but some force is taking it all away. it may not happen, but we'll wait and see. oh yeah council! almost forgot but yeah majoy seat for politics! haha im kinda relieved i didnt get thru so good luck to those pple who 'made' it. i honestly dont know what to wish for my frens. whether they get it or not. cuz its not necessarily a good thing to get it. im sure i sound sourgrapes now but hey i mean it. everyone's just so- caught up. well, i'll just do the crowd thing and vote for them then. so many things will be happening in light of things that have happened. ra mag, daisy, humans interview (whee! pray i get it!) and just lots of nitsy gritty stuff to get through. seems like a busy week ahead and more hard times to come. but i will make it through the rain. [insert Feste's closing song, or what you will]
1:03 AM
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Avril Rawks! oooh lala! man have i not blogged for a week? yes indeed. haha why am i talking to myself i feel stupid now but heck cuz cuz all of a sudden i dont feel depressed anymore. i mean what happened to those days that i wld tell myself not to waste any moment and enjoy life for its shortlived sweetness. bleah as missy higgins once sang, 'but time has changed- nothing at all'- to that effect this song was meant to be sad but im feeling immensely calm now, but always afraid that anymoment i might falter and be once again consumed in my doom and what have you. argh. kk i shall be coherent now. whee this past week was in short tiring. late nights galore, and not that ive been doing hmwk- just lazing around- you guessed it- on the computer. especially with the new lcd monitor everything seems much clearer now. strange, as if what i see through the screen is my life being played back time and time again. i for once i feel rejuvenated and new and rid of all my emotional bulk. hmm in time this monitor will have its own problems but heck, thats for tomorrow to think about. wed night came and i was trying to plough through rolly's history readings on the terror (which is terrifying anyway), when my dad return with the zen micro!!! whee its exactly how i imagined it to be. well maybe even better cuz its not a fragment of the imagination anymore but actually tangible and real and yes you guessed it red, hot and sexy! the colour is steaming man and if ipod cant give me that colour then heck id do anything for red! haha. so now its down to me figuring out how to use it. give me a few days ok? haha anw been going for talks like the woman warrior one and the cold war one. the latter was obviously more impressive, what with someone like brian farrell coming in to speak with just a cup of coffee as payment- excellent analysis and convincing argument by him but i wonder how much of all those id be able to rmbr. went in there looking like a cheap ho cuz my jacket was like covering all of my pe uniform haha. it was jacket, flesh. while everyone else was in uniform but hey it was cold!!! my hairs were standing on my skin. the maxine talk was great too i guess but i didnt really gain much from it- cuz i havent even read the book maybe!?! seems intriguing though. cant wait!!! haha anw thursday came and evening saw the long awaited PPP materializing! after playing some badminton with ramu, who lost his watch btw, cc and i joined mike and liyana in the canteen where we proceeded to liyana's abode (yet again) to prepare. well we caught the direct telecast of american idol. cant say im surprised that jessica got out but the more i think abt how it might turn out the more incensed i get. i really dont want scott or carrie to win. they dont deserve it. so yeah the highlight was the food cooked by the j2s clara timng hadri etc. came out as pasta and campbell soup and garlic bread not too bad for 5 bucks instead of the intially planned pizza treat. the other highlight for me and some others at least was badminton by the streets of liyana's house. its nice to say streets when its actually just one road but nvm sounds very rustic and cool and kampong like- what with all that old traditional fun. played with pek (who thinks she's good cuz she beat me once haha :p boo you ill take u on anytime and trash u flat) and then liyana and denise and yam came in. that doubles match was dreadful indeed haha but extremely funny how they all missed it. cc was exceptionally dramatic and humourously graceful but sacrificed his skill for all that show, i felt. but everyone under performed. poor lighting lah. when nasty came i enjoyed it much more cuz she really whacked it superbly. must play a proper one with her one day. on the whole we had fun i guess. all of us. ended up fetching tim, tim, cc and denise on their way home. whee! a long but tiring night. the next day i skipped fencing again, meaning i didnt go for one week. but nvm i had stuff. like the talk and all. yii wen was telling me abt novices event but sigh cant be bothered haha. esp with stuff like all the art club activities i signed up for coming up. daisy, fashion, carnival, illustrator etc. after the sculpture thingy i reealized if i wanna have a fulfilling art life for once im gonna hafta committ. if not i'll just slack off and be that uninspired bitch all over again. haha did i just call myself bitch? nahh nvm. im not. anyhow! saturday came and i didnt have the mood to do much homework. after watching 2fast2furious on HBO it was more or less time for getting ready. haha met up with glen and jonk and alan and we ate at the foodcourt after procrastinating for some time. jonk suggested swensens how scandalous! i wasnt in a spending mood anw and the rest of us werent hungry too so we settled for the food court. haha. and poor jonk kept insisting that it was crowded. when we went there finding a seat was easy. we soon realized why jonk was so against the foodcourt. as alan glen and i shared purr-piah (uncanny since they were showing spore universe that night too haha- in memory of callie swee yong) and carrot cake, jonk ate one meal after another. rice, hot bowl with taofu and chicken, meat bone kebabs, crab cake...i told him he was a compulsive eater as we walked past a basket of apples on the way to get a drink. he wasnt too pleased, but he didnt have much of a defense either haha. we settled to share diet snapple between the four of us. the sharing mood heightened as we shared a cab later to kallang. anyhow my narrative maybe nothing short of uninspiring but along the way we certainly had a lot of laughs abt a lot of stuff. it was great. we were there like 645pm? and it wasnt long before the queue of the premier entrance moved. soon we were in and rushed into the freestanding arena- by then lotsa pple were already squeezed up front. no fair! we were quite front too but were irritated that some tall freaks went infront of us anw. haha so the rest of the time we started chatting while just standing there among the other avril freaks, while the speakers hummed out familiar pop tunes. then it all happened too fast. pug jelly, and at long last, the queen of the night arrived on stage!!! whee! the crowd was fanatic at that moment glen and i, in a bid to get a better view, managed to squeeze into a cavity to our left, separating from alan and jonK. but heck once avril came we had so much fun!!! it was exciting when every song she belt out we knew. cld sing along and sway along to. the starter song He Wasnt was and excellent piece to get the audience moving and from then on the atmosphere was lively and never once died down. it was just infectious and being an avril fan u just felt that u belonged there, that u wldnt have wanted to be anywhere else! was glad that she sang her old songs too, amongst her under my skin songs. it was pretty darn cool. was so worried she wld be her rudeself, as shes been lately, but that night she was jumping and energetic and from what we saw she was having a fun time. well i guess thats the only way ure gonna get the audience to have a fun time themselves. for me her best performances were: losing grip- it was fate that i caught the making of this video the previous night and saw it for the first time. the live scene with the red star backdrop was picture perfect and an almost exact replica of the video. i felt like i was in her video how cool was that?! for the surrealistic experience i thought this was one of her defining moments in the concert. sk8er boi- boi when this song came on the whole crowd just roared with familiarity- as if to say 'hell yeah we love this song" i think everyone jumped at least once during this song. even those stoners. haha. for me i was literally vibrating the whole time. freak out/who knows- two of my favs frm under my skin actually being performed on stage? cool! and it was so apt cuz everyone was literally- freaking out and living like it was their last day! tomorrow/mobile- her more draggy songs made a dramatic impact cuz it suited the flow of our mood. gave us time to slow down, and actually appreciate her for her music. i love tomorrow, brings back so many memories. mobile too. everything's changing!!! complicated- ahhh my happy ending. i knew she wld end it off with complicated for old time's sake and true enough she did. with her red horns and all looking all so cute. haha avril will probably kill me cuz i called her cute but heck she just looked- horny?? haha. honestly u promised me im never gonna find u fake it...nonono! haha and i tell u all her songs were great lah. didnt miss a bit. wldve liked to see her perform my world. but she proved her talent. she sounded great, she reached all the higher registers and screamed when she needed too and played the guitar instead of smashing it (tho that wldve been fun), played the piano, AND the drums!!! haha that was cool! taking the backseat and letting her band member sing. avril u rawked and everyone loved u!!! the only pity was that u cldnt sing more for us! haha. alrighte. well after that with our ears ringing and throats rasping and legs wobbling, we sat down at the long flight of steps, drinking and waiting for alan's and glen's dad. really tempted to buy avril's merchandise but no money. hmm alan's dad came first so the both of us hopped on and made our daily journey to the west, except now later, and fresh from excitement and euphoria. managed to leave glen and jonk with the 6333 1411 entertainment hahaha. when alan heard it in the car he was laughing crazy too how slutty haha. i actually think it encourages sex but anyway. so much for double standards. yes stand up against aids everyone! on that saturday night i missed ms spore universe and subsequently discovered that crystal flopped and rebecca didnt win! gasp! haha but anw not much of a loss there. i also missed ashlee and quite upset that the rerun is only on tuesday afternoon- meaning i might miss it again! on that fateful saturday night i prayed for the Pope, even though im not much of a Catholic. and on that saturday night, i went to sleep with Avril in my dreams... hmm went to buy uniform today but my shirt ran outta size. gonna try it on tuesday when bibi&baba come to school. and i shall get my rj pe kit at long last. feels good to have that change. ive been too ri-ish for too long. it has come the time when wearing the ri uniform in rj doesnt make u blend in anymore. instead, u stick out like a little boy in turbulent waters. and yes i dont know what im saying now. so thats me for avril and im out now. finishing hmwk and hopefully enjoying life to its fullest frm now on. whee!  forgot to bring my camera but got this from someone's blog, hopefully that person doesnt mind! come on avril fans unite!
3:49 AM
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