otamot

Mot: means witty saying. Short for Mote (speck of dust), reverse of Tom (Cruise), which is in turn short for Tomato.

Ashlee Simpson, Big Fish, Just Shoot Me, Red, Tomato, Blueberry Cheesecake, Rockstar

CREATEUR ALLEY

Alan Cheng Chai Jun Yi JonK Nash Zee Breakfast! Snee Navjote We Spank Shirin Christine Shumin Jean Trixia Victor Kenny Liyana Jo Jun Sheng Ajit Shib Yam Alps Mike Aparna Sarah Stef Jasmine Shimin Reuben Ziing

January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 December 2006 January 2007 March 2007 December 2007 January 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 October 2008 October 2009

Sunday, March 27, 2005
i bruise easily

im back after a long weekend of slacking.

ive never felt so sloth-ridden before. been watching tv and lots of tv, sleeping late, msn, waking late, tv...you get the drift.

absolute sloth yucks i didnt do any homework how?! it doesnt help that there really isnt any homework to be done in the short run cuz that makes me feel so wary abt what the teachers have in store for us. i just know it.

sigh so O2 came and went and with a bad mood good friday came. my parents went to malaysia so i was pretty much left to my own devices at home, but doing nothing special. i shldve gone out to watch some stupid movie, or swim, or i dunno just take a walk and grab lunch from holland v or something. i feel so incredibly dependent on my home. like im stuck there and i really wanted to go out but where?! i dont reckon i belong anywhere else, much less, to anyone?

hmmm. the countless times ive blogsurfed in hope to find some new reading material- most gave me negative results i think i shld stop expecting anything. i shld just cool off this whole computer internet thing cuz its draining my life away. like im lending myself to atrophy literally. feel so disgusted that im facing the screen almost 24/7. like my life revolves around it. i dont have a comfy room that belongs to myself that i can return to and lounge on my bed and read and listen to music there. this computer/spare/store room has been my haven. where i studied for the Os and all that. i mean yeah the computer has been controlling me, u cld say that.

for that i feel guilty. i am utterly swearing off it for awhile. even the convos on msn are quite pointless. i dont see any point. what am i searching for anyway? dont i already know these people and even if i dont since no one seems to know anyone anyway, so what how much more can i learn abt them behind the screen?

so im seeking solace in music from the computer. i cant wait for my zen micro which doesnt seem to be coming. i swear if its not red in colour im gonna burst. i'll bail. i'll just give up. i cant do without what i want anymore.

boo i sound tragic maybe im exaggerating but hey dont judge me you. haaa im trying so hard to anticipate but i just know how one person would react. and this person is sometimes fulll of double standards. but i shall not blow it all up again cuz whatever youre supposed to be my close fren and all. andthen there are those who judge with themselves detached. im not sure what they;re really up to. well helllo grammar check! and then the one who doesnt even read so forget it screw u cuz most of the time u dont need us anw right. sickening. then the other one who erm brushes u away in face of lucrative benefits. yeah then another who is virtually nonexistent anyway so what the heck go read your book why must u be like that. then who else? yeah another jc forget it. err then me.

yayy so ive actually been quite honest around here. hmmm. its only when i create controversy that i get attention if not im some pathetic thing trying to be different and doing silly things no? but then when ur other/new friends do the same thing suddenly its so cool. suddenly u listen to the music ive been trying to get u hoooked on. suddenly. you know how irritating its like i might as well not be there anyway.

i was listening to kelly clarkson and now missy higgins. i really wish i could sing their songs and just bang some guitar on the floor and crash and burn for all of you to see. then maybe for once i will not be so invisible. of course i didnt start invisible cuz im quite outspoken u know so pple think im fine but then i somehow am less interesting and savoury. like i feel im plain bread as compared to the raisin-speckled croissants and what have you. so yeah im staple but u forget me and take me for granted most of the time so fine go then but then u look back and keep thinking yeah yeah i dont need it cuz somewhere else someone else is amazed by ur first time appeal, as i do to everyone. but no.

swallow me and spit me out.

this is almost therapeutic. i think i shld immerse myself in a permanent passtime. like for real. and for once i dont wanna think. one day im just gonna run away....

its strange sometimes right, i think of how one day i will commit suicide. i think of how its like to jump down. i imagine the feeling. then i touch wood just in case. then i think, wait this is wrong cuz u shldnt be having such thoughts. haha. i think im truly crazy at some point. bleah.

i try to reinvent myself sometimes you know, mr perfect/ms perfect. but then im not special enough cuz lets face it i happen to belong to the majority. i blend in after awhile. plain bread is just plain bread even when u're gardenia who cares after awhile. its only when some of them get rejected or face some form of dejection that they come running back to the comfort zone, where im always waiting. so yeah im there but where were u when i needed something like that. people dont really see you u know. i wish i had a friend i could confide in for real but i dont! i just dont and its so depressing. same goes for family. i may have siblings but as good as none or one at times. and i dont know abt my parents i really dunno i just cant communicate with anyone right now. nowadays.

i cld just shut up and be content but i will never be just remember that. i hate it how people travel differently at different speeds, and grow up differently. all of a sudden they just change and i dont know what they think. maybe i dont know pple well. no one really communicates fully with me except some old friends but then it stops there i dont really trust anyone i really dont but can u blame me given the type of atmosphere we all grew up in together in school? who do u want me to trust?

someone once said that the reason why we cld talk to each other so well was because we didnt really know each other that well. u know what i think thats me. like there's this stage in between mere acquaintance and friendship that u are just semi clueless abt the other person and u two just hit it off. but gosh im so tired of that. even that didnt work out anyway. i really long for something i dunno lah.

maybe im just being cranky again as im always right, cuz im always like this and always like that cuz im always so predictable and always make you rolll your eyes. right? always?!?!!?!
go to hell i hate all these generalizations. just you know bugger off and propel twenty feet beyond the empire state building and crash into the windows and out far far away....go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go
and then i know i wld have done that cuz after all i do have telekinetic powers so yeah listen to me now stupid.

i shall kickass soon. heck lah this is such a crappy entry but somehow i cant be bothered already.

hmm somehow im darn scared abt school from now on. like so much more to do. no more holiday mood and taking it easy. it is the mainstream hardcore stuff. i dunno what to do. help im stuck here for the next two years. let me find my place- soon. my real place a nest where i can roost comfortably and all. i hate to sound despo and since im publishing this like im despo and in need of attention and all but wth who isnt? admit it you freaks all of u dont want to be isolated and forsaken! ARGH

tried reading history. ended up watching movies.
return of the king and fellowship reminded me that i actually love the lord of the rings. i must watch the two towers. haha topsy turvy i know.
how to deal was mediocre. if not for the two attractive leads and allison janney and that father in the OC guy.
jakob the liar was a gem. i loved the music and the story was simple but meaningful, as holocaust films usually are. robin williams is tops, as usual. fabulous. it started off with this joke narrated:
hitler goes to the fortune teller and asks when he will die.
fortune teller: you will die on a jewish holiday.
hitler: how do you know?!
fortune teller: anyday you die will be a jewish holiday....
sigh, how lucky we are. yet sorrow is so constant and so kind.
dead calm was silly cuz ive watched it before. nicole kidman was ugly in there im afraid. typical kidnap scenario not worth the time though im interested in the book. why the hell did she sleep with billy zane anyway that was so- cheap.
the wild thornberrys was a joy. i loved it cuz it brought me back to the nickelodeon-im-a-kid kinda mood so yayy. loved debbie haha that sarcastic bimbo and of course eliza and nigel ahahah a joy really. did i mention i love animals too? surprisingly sita's happy which i havent heard in a long time was featured. strange cuz i was humming it to myself before i watched that. weird right how sometimes things happen and u think uve anticipated them, only to realize perhaps its just a mere coincidence. or is it?

well only time will tell. i almost mentioned God until i realized i dont dare to.
what will happen....

p.s. movies to watch:
a walk to remember
slap her, she's french!
schindler's list
big fish
2 fast 2 furious
the two towers
lion in winter
+whatever Home Box Office shows. haha just found out what it stood for.

p.p.s if u cant understand what ive been saying, for some people (as ive worked out in my head), its ok. for some others (calculated too), stop shaking ur head or rolling ur eyes or anything cuz its not funny and u think like im so lofty and all and self-piteous but ure wrong cuz maybe itsall ur fault to start with so dont distant urself and get back down and perhaps accept me for who i am and treat me like a friend.

events coming up:
zee's birthday 29 march
huankiat's birthday 2 april
aparna's birthday 8 april
PPP soon
avril's concert (bonez tour) 2 april
mcconnell's 12th nite play 7 april

quote of the week, in tribute to many:
"when life throws you lemons, make lemonade".

joke of the week:
introducing nauseating names of ms spore universe 2005 contestants...
crystal kang (jonathan kang's cousin, they look alike!)
destiny ong (i'd like to see her shape her destiny)
swyn teo (read swine)
linderr jasni (...)
edwyna tan (hahaahha)
blyss chin (aeoh mah gawd)
ling lee (alliteration in mandarin- so wrong)
jing mok (jing heng's cousin, they look alike!)

in this time and in this hour, i call upon the ancient power...
leo: im an avatar
piper: oh my god
BOOM

8:49 AM